


Bound in her bones

by snowbryneich



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-08-22 02:57:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 66,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8270015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowbryneich/pseuds/snowbryneich
Summary: James Norrington survived his stabbing by Bootstrap Bill and is carrying on with his navy career when he encounters the Pirate King in a bad state in gaol.





	1. Reunion

James knew it was wrong to watch her sleep. But given the amount of guilt he felt for Elizabeth’s current state he could not bring himself to stop. What was one more thing to feel guilty over? She had no idea he was there regardless, her breath laboured and uncomfortable. The two times she had woken, her fever bright eyes had stared straight through him as if he was a stranger. Perhaps he was now. She was not the girl he known but the Pirate King and he was an Admiral of the navy, his near-death wound had managed to inspire enough pity that he had not lost his rank when both Beckett’s influence and the _Endeavour_ had been lost. His knowledge of the Caribbean had meant he had not lost his posting.

 

He wondered if letting her go that day had been a mistake but no doubt the bewitched crewman would have run her through as well as him. He left her quarters to see if Lt. Groves had returned yet - it had been he who had found Elizabeth in the first place. He had been delivering prisoners to the gaol on Georgetown when the name Bess Cygnet had drawn his attention. He had insisted on seeing the prisoner and in truth overstepped his authority. But not as much as James had when Groves had brought him to the gaol to the see the state of her.

Elizabeth had lain on a threadbare pallet, filthy and bruised and so pale for one dreadful moment James had thought she was dead. Then she had begun to cough - a dreadful rattle James had recognised at once as jail fever. He had had her brought to the _Reliant_ at once despite the risk of bringing disease onto the ship. Elizabeth had not woken at all while she was moved and he had sent Groves for a doctor at once. In an attempt to prevent James from folly - was he so predictable? Groves had given up his own quarters for Elizabeth - barely more than a cupboard sealed off with ships bulkheads for her and taken the berth of the next senior lieutenant who had done the same and so on, causing a chain of discontent amongst the junior officers.

 

He had returned within in an hour with a doctor and a midwife to James’ bafflement. That had turned to horror when Groves said that the record from the gaol indicated that ‘Bess’ had planned to plead her belly. Elizabeth clothes were ill-fitting but she was not pregnant and she had clearly been in gaol for some time. Groves had further incensed him when he voiced a rumour that he had heard that not many women ever did plead their belly in Georgetown - those that entered gaol while pregnant were not by the time they came to trial - the Governor did not like to pay for their keep for so long.

Only the dire state of Elizabeth’s health stopped James from committing career suicide and confronting the governor immediately. He paced while the doctor and midwife examined her and squabbled amongst themselves, the doctor highly offended by the midwife’s very presence. But they did agree on their prognosis - almost. Elizabeth had jail fever and had lost a child and was unlikely to survive either condition. The midwife was blunter. “Lost,” she scoffed. “Those bastards beat her child to death inside of her - that isn’t just jail fever she’s got.” James had never felt more furious and he turned on his heel only to find the world went black before he could make his way off the ship.

 

Groves later claimed he had walked into a spar in his fury - something that was not at all congruent with the bruise he had on the _back_ of his head. They are underway from Georgetown now but before they left. Groves had also paid the midwife to wash and purge Elizabeth in hopes of making her last days more comfortable and giving her any chance of fighting the fever. “After all, sir,” Groves said in a tone that made it clear he was aware he was pushing his luck. “If they had arrested you for some reasons - they would have taken her straight back to that cell.” James had felt nauseated at the thought and declined to pursue this line of questioning further and had gone to see Elizabeth.

Somehow it was worse now that she had been bathed and found clean clothing. The dirt it seemed had hidden quite a lot of bruising and she was deathly pale everywhere she was not bruised apart from two bright spots of fever on her cheeks and the sheen of her hair restored to its golden colour by washing. It was short now however as it had been so matted and filthy that the larger part of it had been cut away. A bowl of honey and water and herbs sat by the bed with a jar of laudanum and there was a young girl crouching by the bed attempting to spoon mouthfuls of the concoction into Elizabeth’s mouth. She did not so much as dare to meet James’ eyes the whole time he was in there.

 

It was two days before she woke at all - her maid had been attempting to spoon a dissolved cube of sugar laced with laudanum into her mouth when she had stirred snatched the jar of drugged sugar against the wall where it shattered. “Do not give me any more of that filth,” she had snarled - loudly enough to be heard on deck and then she had turned her face to the pillow and began to cry.

Having adulterated the entire supply of laudanum with broken glass - she did at least get her way with that and James sent a bottle of his best brandy to be used a painkiller instead.

The next day her maid came to him and said that Mrs Turner wanted to see him. The name stung but he should have known – she had been with child. That thought only filled him with guilt.

She had sat herself up a little in the cot and was clutching tightly at a large glass of brandy. Her cheeks were red and she was sweating. When she opened her eyes, they were fever bright too and her glare was unfocused.

 

“Elizabeth I am so sorry,” he started but she closed her eyes again and he winced at the pain evident on her pale face.

“Don’t,” she said. “Just don’t James.” She took a deep breath – or tried to, her whole chest rattled and she winced and then downed the brandy. “I have decided to do you a favour,” she said. “You have a parcel of nieces and nephews I believe and of course you could still marry and have a houseful of children yourself.”

James nodded cautiously – that last was unlikely. He was not going to marry some girl who would only ever be second best but he was fond of his sibling's children – except for his sister he preferred them to their parents.

She coughed again and having been told to quiet once already he did the only thing he could think of and poured her some more brandy. She shook a little and tried to hide it and he realised he could see a vivid rash on her neck.

 

“I am the only child of only children,” she said. “My mother was a daughter of an earl – the title is extinct now of course but the money and house are still there. My father was Governor of Jamaica for thirteen years and a success at court beforehand. You knew how well I was dowered of course.” James almost wants to argue – he had never been interested in that but he let her carry on because interrupting when her words are so laboured seemed cruel. “No-one ever seemed to eye my father and my inheritance. Limited imagination I suppose. They probably thought my father had some nephew or cousin or brother to leave that too – keep it in the family the proper way. But he didn’t. I was all he had. Not even another girl to leave it to. And now he is dead. And I will be soon.” She said this flatly and James could not argue – she had a bad case of jail fever and the midwife had implied other complications from the dead child. She was berating him from her bed because she was too weak to stand. The thought made him struggle to stand there he was so ashamed but he would not let her see that – he had no reason to ask anything of her in her circumstance. “When I die,” she said. “Everything my father worked for and my mother inherited will go to the crown. I do not want that. Not even my father liked old Hanover that much.”

“Of course not,” he said. Her opinion of England and its crown had been clear before she had ever taken up piracy.  “I will help you write a will,” he said.

“Yes,” she sneered. “I’m sure a document naming you as my heir when there is no connection between us at all, witnessed by your officers dated days before my death on _your_ ship would not be challenged at all in court.”

James looked stunned – naming him. She could barely look at him, why would she want to leave him money. She was wracked again by another coughing fit and he went to rub her back on for her to rear away from him and freeze and he backed away stricken. He had seen that flash of fear.

 

She looked away from him again and he knew she was trying to summon self-control. “My father cared for you very much,” she said suddenly. “It was why he was so keen on the match. He would have wanted you to have it. Besides who else would I leave it to – I don’t have any other acquaintances on the right side of the law. I’m not asking you do anything with it but keep it from the crown. You could provide for your younger nephews and nieces. Saddle a child with the name Weatherby if you find a proper wife someday. Build my father an empty tomb in Port Royal.”

James was confused now. She had just said that she could not write a will naming him. Elizabeth clearly understood the source of his confusion and she held out the glass for more brandy which he provided. “I am not going to leave you the money James,” she told him, slipping down the cot a little. “There must be a minister on this ship or amongst this convoy. I’m finally going to hold up my end of the bargain. Once we are married everything will be yours. I am sure you being a widower won’t put the girls off at all.” Then with her usual sense of dramatic timing, she downed the brandy and passed out.

 

* * *

James had spent two days avoiding her dismissing the notion as a drunken ramble. She had sent for him repeatedly and on the third day Lt. Groves had found him. “The surgeon said it won’t be long, sir, if you want to say goodbye – her fever is much worse now.”

When he went to her – how could he not go to her. Elizabeth had broken down and cried and berated him for denying her dying wish. Of course, he could no longer deny her though it was a bittersweet agreement. To marry Elizabeth to watch her die – all over money.  Lt. Groves had Captain Riley row over the pastor from the _Cumberland_ to perform the ceremony. He would be a slightly more reliable witness given he did not serve on James’ flagship for all he was still under James’ command.

“I say, Admiral, is there much point to this,” Riley had said when he’d seen the proposed bride. “I know it’s one way of extending your pardon to her but even if anyone was inclined to go after the former Governor's daughter. She doesn’t look likely to make it to the gallows.”

“You have your orders, Captain Riley,” James said coldly. He spent his wedding ceremony glaring at the witness and the man providing the service– the _Cumberland’_ s minister was a drunk who had had more brandy than Elizabeth and could barely stumble his way through the ceremony. Afterwards Lt. Groves gathered every man aboard on deck to hurrah the married couple and gave everyone an extra ration of grog.

“Few extra witnesses never hurt,” Groves pointed out innocently.

 

James should have told Elizabeth to marry Groves he thought. She’d always been amused by him and the lieutenant could have done with the money – he was not a third son but the sixth or seventh and barely heard a word from his family. But he didn’t think he could have borne it even as a temporary measure.

He spent the wedding night sitting by Elizabeth changing the cool clothes on her forehead and watching each laboured breath as if it might be her last.

But around seven bells he was summoned on deck when there was a shout that a ship had been spotted. There was nothing that he could see only a strange fog that had come out of nowhere and Groves was on watch looking pale and shaken consoling a shaken midshipman who was worried he would be punished for being spooked by the fog.

“I saw it too,” he said. “Just for a moment. God James – I could have sworn it was the Dutchman – just for a moment and then it was gone.” The slip in address made it clear how shaken the lieutenant was and it was not as if he did not know the Dutchman. The bottom dropped out of James’ world as he realised what it must mean.

James remembered Davy Jones standing over him and asking if he feared death – death that had not come for him in the end though suddenly his scar _ached_. “We’ll say no more about it,” he said and then turned and ran for the cabin. He would not forgive himself if he had left her to die alone.

 

The death rattle that had been her breathing was silent when he entered and he felt like a puppet whose strings had been cut. He collapsed by the side of the bed and took up her hand and let grief overtake him. James had not wept when she had ended their engagement or when he had heard she had married Turner and just as quickly been widowed. He had come close when he heard the Kraken had taken the Black Pearl but even then, he’d held out hope. But now he did feeling utterly betrayed by a system he had put his life’s work into. He clutched her hand close – he had not dared take it while she had lived– he might have scared her which would only have angered her more. The feel of her hand frightened him - she had become so thin and that had no doubt hastened her fate. His own sobs prevent him hearing it at first and then it was another shock. She was still breathing. He had been so used to the laboured strained rattle that the clear even breaths she had now sounded like nothing and he reached for her face amazed and confused. Her fever had broken. She was alive. Unless he was mistaken she was going to live.

And she was his wife and she _hated_ him.


	2. Returning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James brings his wife home to Port Royal.

Elizabeth slept for two days after the fever broke. James had left beef tea and honey water and heavily watered grog by her bed and while she never seemed to wake, it was all drunk according to the maid. On the third day, Elizabeth woke properly and asked for real food. She was reportedly very unhappy with the invalid’s diet recommended by the ship's surgeon.

But she _was_ an invalid, pale, thin and weak in a way that he had never seen her. It was a week before she was strong enough to get out of the cot, she at once insisted on taking some air but even that involved leaning heavily on the maid. James watched from the stern as she wandered amidships – Lt. Groves offered her an arm but she shied away from him. He could see how uncertain her steps were –  had she lost her sea legs altogether? As she hated him anyway he made his way forward to send her back to bed. But he had not quite reached her when as sailor moved out her way and doffed his hat to her. “Good to see you up and about Missus Norrington.”

Elizabeth had started to offer the man a tentative smile at the greeting, (it was no doubt a novelty given the way sailors tended to treat women aboard,) but at her new name -the smile died and she flinched as if struck. Then she let go of the maid and ran for the rail and vomited copiously. She stood wiped her mouth and fainted dead away – James rushed but had been too far away and she struck her head. No doubt that would be another bruise to add to her already impressive collection. He took her back to the cabin and left her in the maid's care.

 

He had the thought of course, that she was his wife now. He could move her to the Captain’s cabin and give her his bed which was more  comfortable as well as access to the wide stern windows and the light and air from them. But if he did that it was a much as committing them both to this marriage and the thought of her trapped bothered him too much.

He went to her cabin as soon as he knew she was awake. She had been crying again he could see but her eyes were dry now and the bruise across her cheekbone had darkened already and stood out vividly.

 

“Elizabeth as soon as we reach Port Royal we can have this annulled,” he said. She could not possibly think he had wanted to force her into marriage. He could have done that years ago if he was so inclined. This had been _her_ idea.

“Can you?” she said coldly. “I think I have been clear that I would fail any midwives’ examination. Do you think they would just take your word for it that you haven’t fucked me?” She sounded so bitter that he was taken aback. “Besides if I do not have a husband to hide behind I would surely be hanged – is the warrant Beckett had for me still outstanding? No, I am sorry this was not the temporary arrangement I proposed James. I am sure it is very inconvenient to you that I was so thoughtless to go ahead and live. You will just have to put up with me.” She closed her eyes for a long moment and seemed to be struggling. “I was so sure I was going to die,” her voice had softened slightly and she sounded younger than her years and James felt his heart constrict.

“I am very glad that you did not,” he told her unable to hold back the sentiment and the relief he felt at her recovery.

Which only set her off again and she shuffled back on the bed. “Really,” she spat at him, her eyes flashing with temper. “Well, you may not be so glad going forward. If you think this will ever be more than a marriage of convenience you are very much mistaken. I am done with being forc-” she cut herself off.

James was not at all fooled by the display of temper – he could see she was scared and the thought that she was frightened of him made him feel ill as did what she alluded to.  He was not unaware of the fate of female prisoners in many gaols and Georgetown was clearly one of the worse ones. But that could not be the priority – she would not accept comfort from him.

 

“Elizabeth,” he said quietly. “I would never ask for anything from you.” He hadn’t even asked her for her hand this time. And she took a long slow breath calming visibly. At least he was still believed that far. He decided to move on from that – she would not admit her fear not accept his comfort and so it was a pointless exercise to try no matter how he wanted to. But he could offer her facts. “The _Flying Dutchman_ was spotted,” he said. “The night your fever broke. I think that might account for your rather rapid recovery.”

“Oh,” she said, her voice small and full of regret. Her eyes were wide and startled at this news and for a moment it seems she would cry but she did not allow herself that, her dark eyes filled with tears but she did not let them fall as she struggled for words. “I dreamed of him that night,” she volunteered to his surprise but she was more speaking her thoughts aloud than talking to him. “I asked if I could serve before the mast. But he said I did not fear death. And that I was right not too – that it was not my time.”

James tried not to let his relief and gratitude to the Dutchman’s captain show – the thought of Elizabeth trapped in the half-life of the crew of that ship horrified him but she would no doubt not care for his opinion on the matter.

“We will reach Port Royal in a week or so,” he said finally. “You can finish your recuperation there.” No doubt she would abandon him for the sea again as soon as she was healthy again – that thought stung but he wouldn’t let her see that. “I am sure we can arrange our marriage to be as convenient as you like.” And some part of him smarting from her assumptions and her dismissal and her fear could not help but add. “And of course – it will give you a chance to arrange your father’s memorial yourself.”

 

* * *

 

They arrive in Port Royal nine days later. He had seen that Elizabeth was correct about the chances of their marriage being dissolved and had offered her the captain’s cabin. He had made it clear he would sleep elsewhere, of course, but still Elizabeth had refused to move nor had she gone on deck after her first excursion so he had not seen her since that brief conversation. But he was relieved when she was helped into the Bosun’s chair to see her looking stronger. Her short hair had begun to curl and she did not look quite so frail. She was, of course, unimpressed with having to use the bosun’s chair but James would not have it any other way when she was so weak and he had her helped directly to a carriage where she was forced to wait until James was content the _Reliant’s_ docking had been handled correctly.

 

Elizabeth huffed when he climbed in opposite her. “Fancy leaving me to sit on the docks half the afternoon in my poor health.”

James raised an eyebrow at her. “Yes, and on a spring afternoon in Jamaica,” he said. “What neglect – shall I fetch you a blanket?” This response threw her – no doubt she had expected him to feel guilty for his actions and she scowled and spent the journey staring out of the window.

 

James had as it happened kept her waiting for a reason – he could only imagine what she was thinking about him and their life together and he had wanted his home prepared in a way that would not offend her. Or that would not give her any outward reason to be offended anyway. To not offend her entirely was probably overly ambitious.

He had sent a runner to inform his housekeeper that he would be having a long-term houseguest – a young lady and to prepare the best guestroom and a sitting room for her. They had been expressly forbidden from mentioning that the houseguest in question was his wife. Mrs Clark was efficient but inclined to fuss and would have been overjoyed to learn he had married. She also would have completely disregarded his instructions and installed Elizabeth in the bedroom intended for the lady of the house – the one adjoining his. He could just imagine how well that would have gone over.

 

He offered her an arm when they arrived of course though he was not surprised she declined it. For all her show of improvement the carriage ride seemed to have shaken her but perhaps that had just been the sight of Port Royal – she cannot truly have expected to come back here and who knew what memories it had stirred. He made sure to steady her despite her wishes until they were in the house when he handed her over to Miss. Abigail the housemaid. “Please show Mrs Norrington to her room,” he said.

Then he spent the day locked in his study to avoid interrogation by his own staff.

Elizabeth did not come to dinner – he sent the maid to take her food but she was sleeping again.

 

The next day he found her in the sitting room and for a moment it was a pleasant sight, a nice surprise. She had tied her short hair up and was wearing a pretty dress – he had no idea where that came from. It was sort of scene he might have easily pictured once. Of her sitting home reading and waiting for his return. How deluded he had been. “Honestly James,” she sniffed, looking up from a book that she could only have taken from his library. Though he supposes it was her library now too. “That poky little parlour you have given me will not do. I will have this room. It is not as if you entertain here often.”

James was nonplussed but acquiesced. He supposed it hardly mattered. She would be gone soon enough.

It was not the only disruption to the household. Elizabeth did not act at all how he thought she would. If it was a temporary arrangement until she was well enough to go to sea, why had she summoned his housekeeper and rearranged all the menus and written an advert for her own lady’s maid?

 

She was outraging the staff with her demands too and eventually his housekeeper came to her concerned. If Mrs Norrington was so ill – this being the tale James had given them – perhaps he could speak to her about bathing _every day_ as that could not possibly be healthful and was such a pressure on the house maids.

But as soon as Mrs Clark implied Elizabeth was obsessed with bathing, all James could think of was the filth of the gaol cell that Elizabeth had been found in. The smell haunted him and he had been there no longer than half an hour to secure her release. No wonder she wanted to wash often. The thought had distracted him and in the end, he dismissed the housekeeper. “I think funding can be found for extra staff,” he said finally. “Hire as many house maids as are needed. My wife is to have whatever she requires.”

 

That night she joined him for dinner for the first time -he had been eating the food of her choice for a week now without so much as a glimpse of her.  And it becomes apparent why – she took an age to eat. Cutting everything into the smallest of bites and struggling on occasion. He had assumed she had changed the meals just because she could – he had not considered that the menu might be too rich for her. She had complained so much about invalid’s food – he had not considered there was a reason invalids were fed on porridge and broth. No wonder there had been a great deal of stew so far – that had baffled him

“You have made some interesting choices,” he said looking at his plate of boiled meat and mashed root vegetables trying to pretend this was a normal household where he might be expected to compliment his wife on her household management or menu choice. “It has been nice to have some changes – I don’t review the menus often enough.” He fully expected to be snapped at for this but she almost seemed relieved. Which made him worry – if Elizabeth did not have enough energy to argue perhaps she wasn’t recovering well.

“Well your selection of desserts was particularly poor,” she said quietly and he suppressed a smile. Her choice of desserts had outdone most dinner parties compared to most meals at home. At least he was providing something she liked. But even a hint of a smile seemed to irritate her more than his comments and she went silent.

It was only after the dessert – a syllabub – was cleared away that she made it clear she wanted to talk to him.

 

“I intend to move my room,” she said. “I understand why you gave me the one you did – but I do not want the staff to talk about me. I’ll be taking the adjoining room.” She had withdrawn into herself a little. “I assume the door locks after all.”

“I will make sure you have the only key,” he said stung. As if he would intrude or insist on anything from her. But why should she care what the staff thought and he was beginning to have to consider the possibility she was not just going to vanish the instant his back was turned.

“Good,” she said. “Good night then.” James watched her go up the stairs stiff and slow and decided it might be best to have the doctor call again. Perhaps she could not go because of her health – but he would not want her ill for the sake of having her present.

 


	3. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth's behaviour continues to puzzle James

Two day’s later – Elizabeth was reading in the garden while James watched from a window – she never seemed to stay in her room and rest despite the doctor's advice. He supposed he should have expected that. He recognised the gown she was wearing and realised she must have gotten at least some of her old clothing from Government House. The new Governor had no family and must not have gotten rid of the personal belongings left behind. He hoped she had managed to reclaim anything sentimental at the same time.

But it made him realise he had neglected one duty as a husband. He felt guilty settling an allowance on her when her inheritance had been arbitrarily assigned to him by the unfairness of the law but at least he could make sure she was well provided for. Elizabeth seemed uninterested in the money but she did take it.

 

Elizabeth next surprised him by going on a decorating spree. It was something she could affect entirely from her sitting room with the aid of catalogues and fabric samples and of course if paid enough any merchant would come to the customer rather than the other way around.

She started with the adjoining room that she had claimed for her own, having it painted, adorned with fresh wallcoverings, curtains and replaced most of the furniture. Once she had done that, she moved herself in and redecorated the guest room. Then her sitting room, then the dining room. The bills for this were sent to him which made sense given that she quite rapidly outran her allowance. And he was relieved to see some of the new additions to the house he recognised from the Government House, paintings and ornaments – at least she had salvaged something.

 

James was puzzled by her fervour for decorating. Why did she care what his house looked like? Perhaps she wanted to make sure she remained in his thoughts even after she left. As if she needed to repaint the house for that. It was mainly that puzzle that bothered him - he did not mind her taste which was quite elegant and he could hardly object to the cost. She had spared no expense but he could spare it. During his planning for his first proposal, he had set aside funds for Elizabeth to do as she wished with his home and he had hardly got around to spending them in the intervening years. Even if he had not as she had pointed out when she proposed this marriage he now had everything that belonged to her father, and he wondered if the sudden uncontrollable spending was some resentment on her part because of that. It was a monstrously unfair law and she had clearly only anticipated him having the money because she would not be around to spend it.  

 

One evening over dinner, a more usual spread which he hopes along with the amount she had been eating of late hopefully indicated a recovery on her part, he raised the subject. “I will make an appointment with my lawyer,” he said. “I can settle your inheritance on you – so it yours to do what you will with it.”

“How kind,” she said. “Do you object to my spending your money?”

“No, of course not,” he said. “And I would expect anything for the house to be billed to myself anyway. I merely thought it would be more fair to give you what is rightfully yours.”

Elizabeth was silent for a long moment. “I don’t care about the money,” she said finally. “Obviously marriage to me has deprived you of the house of children to leave it to but please feel free to make arrangements for the younger sons and daughters in your family.”

There was a wistful note in her voice there and James supposed that was something they had deprived each other of. Obviously, she would want nothing to do with him and for a moment he felt guilty for depriving her of parenthood though no-one could say it had been his intent. He had not thought motherhood would be a priority for her but she had _lost_ a child and that no doubt made it sting all the more. But discussing that in any detail seemed like it would only cause more awkwardness so he dropped it.

 

“I thought perhaps you were making a point,” he said in the end. James could not help but look over the changes – she had improved the house. Even just in this room which was a pale yellow now instead of the patterned green it had been. It was a much warmer room now. She had also added several paintings she had installed from the Government House and even the quality of the silverware was improved. At least the new Governor was honest he thought cynically.

“No,” Elizabeth said finally as if she could not make out his point. “I just wanted – I live here now James. Is it so odd I would want to make it my home too? I don’t think you even picked out the previous décor – you left it the way it was when you moved in.”

 

James was further baffled by this statement and he wondered if instead of a reminder after she left this was an expensive way to put him off his guard. So that he would not expect her to run after she made herself at home. It was not a helpful train of thought. He cannot accuse her of planning on running the instant she was recovered. And now she looked a little defeated. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I think we both I fail quite badly at understanding what it is what you want Elizabeth.”

“Yes,” Elizabeth said, her voice tight, “What a mystery I am.”

James did not know what to say to that. “If there is something else I am not providing you have only to say,” he said finally. This was an awkward arrangement that neither of them expected to enter into but she was his wife and he would provide for her.

But his words only seem to make things worse and she stood forcing him to his feet as well. “If you could give me what I wanted I might have gone through with our first engagement,” she said, she sounded odd and he did not know what she wanted. “It doesn’t matter James, I promise I will leave the house be now. Pray excuse me I am not hungry.”

 

* * *

This prompted a week of what James could only conclude were tests. She left her correspondence around the house as if daring him to read it. The adjoining door between their rooms was not only locked but left ajar and he received a bill from the new blacksmith that was truly extortionate. He ignored it all, he was not her jailer and would not pry into her correspondence and all that the door being ajar accomplished was that he learned she had nightmares and sometimes cried at night. When that happened, he went down to the kitchen made a hot toddy rang for a maid and had them take it to her. No doubt this made neither of them popular with the staff and while he wanted to go to her – he could not imagine that any comfort he offered would be welcome. After a week, she closed the door and he did not see her for several days and he wondered if he had misread the situation.

The next time he sailed, Elizabeth came to the docks to see him off. He did not understand that either, he could not imagine she wanted to either farewell him or care about the picture it gave if she did not accompany him. She looked a little lost there on the docks and he supposed it might be envy. He dared to reach for her hand. “It will be a short tour,” he said. “No more than a month.” And he was about to add he was sure she would not miss him. When her grip on his hand tightened and she took a deep breath and for a moment seemed unsteady and he felt foolish. Was she afraid of something? Surely not him or she would not be gripping his hand.

She startled him further by pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Stay safe James,” she said quietly. “I will be here when you get back.” The reassurance startled him. So she had known what he thought. It took her a long moment before she let go of his hand as if she had to steal herself to it.

 

* * *

James spent the entire tour feeling like a fool. He should have seen this sooner. Elizabeth had been beaten half to death and had her unborn child murdered in gaol. She had nearly died of jail fever and been further abandoned by Will Turner when she had asked for a place on his ship. Her entire crew had been hung and her ship taken from her. And he had other fears about what might have befallen her.

Then she had married him in an attempt to give him something even if only because her father had cared for him. She had survived despite the odds and woke up as his wife. By law, he was in complete control over her life and all he had done was given her money and _ignore_ her. Her efforts at making over his house might have been a peace offering. Her way of showing she would take up some of a wife’s duties. So what if she might have rejected his comfort. He should have at least offered it.

The time at sea dragged – it was only a patrol and they saw neither pirates nor the Spanish making it seem even longer. He worried about Elizabeth but he reasoned at least he had been so little use to her that his absence could hardly be a further concern. He picked up a pen to write to her near every day but the chances of a letter making it home before he did were slim. And he had no idea what to say. If he said that he would protect her he can only imagine her taking offence. If he apologised for ignoring her that was cold comfort. And the one thing he had already offered her was his condolences. So he held his peace until the patrol was done.

 

* * *

 

When they returned, he was cheered to see Elizabeth had come to meet the ship, she looked pale but healthy – she moved well with no stiffness, making her way down the docks with the other wives and family members.

Elizabeth was not watching for him, he realised but instead was looking at Mrs Gillette who stood closest to the dock struggling desperately to keep a hold on Young Theo, who was, the Lieutenant liked to boast, a handful.

 

But then she saw him and looked away as if ashamed to be caught staring and she made her way to his side. “Welcome home,” she said, offering her hand again.

“It is good to be home,” James said. And very cautiously he stepped closer to her to bring her into a brief embrace. One that did not press – he would not force anything on her. “I missed you, Elizabeth,” She was so surprised by this she was lost for words and he felt worse all over again. He did not expect her to return the sentiment. “Shall we head home,” he said and she nodded looking at him searchingly.

And so they went home – Elizabeth had brought a carriage which gave him pause. Was she being proper or was the walk too much for her despite her seeming health. He did not think he could ask. James was no further forward in working out how he could help Elizabeth at all. But at least he knew now he had to try.


	4. Revelations II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James learns more of Elizabeth's past and plans.

James expected the carriage ride to be silent but Elizabeth made quiet conversation, asking about the tour and his time at sea. “Uneventful,” he told her in the end. He could not call it dull when he knew she would give anything to go to sea. “But it meant we were able to drill quite a lot and make some progress on training – the new crop of midshipmen are very green but I think there is some promise there.”

She nodded and then puzzled him by commenting. “I’m given to understand your ship is a prime berth for a youngster to have.” She sounded almost sorry about it and that he did not understand.

“I have always done my best to see they receive as good an education as I was fortunate to receive,” James said. He, of course, had had his father influence to see him on to decent postings before his performance and reputation had assured him progression.

 

She nodded but the melancholy did not leave her and then they were home. James is permitted to offer her a hand down from the carriage this time and she even took the arm he offered her as they headed home. “I ordered the servants to prepare you a bath on the hour,” she said looking at the clock in the hall - another acquisition from her father’s estate.

Her timing is practically perfect and the thought of washing away the smell of the sea is appealing – it is not the sort of thing he expected her to handle, not any more than decorating. “Thank you,” he said. “Perhaps we could take tea when I am refreshed?”

To his surprise, she not only agreed but brushed another kiss to his cheek before she bustled off and left him to go and bathe.

 

* * *

It was only when he joined her – she looked lost in thought when he stepped in her parlour – that he realised he had been neglectful all over again. He had not so much as asked about her health.

Of course, he had had no reason to think such enquiries would be well received in the past but that was no excuse.

“How have you been, Elizabeth?” he looked at her searchingly for a moment but she looked away at that and he dropped the look staring instead at the fire. “You seem well.” Now they were home – she looked tired. She was not only pale but she had dark circles under her eyes. He decided at once against making any enquiries about why she needed a carriage – the last thing he wanted to do was to put her off using it.

“I am well,” she said. “Life has been . . . uneventful,” his own phrase thrown back at him then – he was not sure how to take that. “I have been resting for the most part,” she said. “But I did arrange my father’s memorial.”

 

James felt ashamed all over again – of all the things to throw in her face. She could have easily held that against him and the only small consolation is that he was sure a memorial she had created would have meant more to her father. “I would like to pay my respects,” he said. “If you do not object.” He thought that he had convinced her he had nothing to do with her father’s death – surely she would not have wanted him to have her father’s estate if she believed that.

Elizabeth was silent for a long moment. “Of course,” she said. “But you should know – I have not had it built only for my father.” The tea comes then and James assumes she means it is for Turner as well. He cannot object to that. He had known she was married before and he did not delude himself that this marriage meant anywhere near as much to her.

“I see,” he said and then there was quiet before the tea was served and after that Elizabeth excuses herself which only made him glad of the respite and guilty for it. He should want to talk to his wife.

 

* * *

The memorial is obvious in the churchyard. It being new – there are have been many deaths in Port Royal in past years but most of them were on the gallows and did not receive a burial in hallowed ground so the churchyard is hardly overcrowded.

 

The memorial is marble and has as she said two names on it. Weatherby Henry Nicholas Swann – beloved father, has no date of death, only a year and he knew that must haunt her. That she would never know what happened – he hoped Beckett’s death at the hands of her brethren is some comfort. But it was the second name was like a punch in the gut he did not expect.

Though it was not the name William _Swann_ Turner that surprised him as he barely noticed the unusual middle name which certainly did not belong to the blacksmith unless Elizabeth had convinced him to take some part of her name. But is not that. The date of birth and death make that clear even as they made him recoil. They are not quite four months ago and only three days apart. It was not her husband she had memorialised. It was her son. He had not known the child lived – how could he. And how could she bring it up? He turned on his heel and went home at once.

 

* * *

Her door was closed to him. She had known what he would find at the memorial and must have retreated to her bed. But it was not locked and James took his chances and opened the door to find Elizabeth curled in the window seat, her face tear stained. All he could picture her was her in that cell watching her child’s life ebb away.

“I am sorry to intrude,” he said. “I just wanted to say how sorry I am.” He felt horrendously awkward. “Is there anything you need?” he asked. Had the child been buried in Georgetown? Or at all. Would it help her to have it reinterred nearby?  “I will go back to Georgetown and deal with the Governor,” he added, “and every man who is employed at the gaol.”

That finally roused her. “There is no need,” she said. “By now, there won’t be anything left of Georgetown for you to deal with.” James frowned – The Caymans were not so out of the way that such news would take that long to reach Port Royal but then he realised. He had been on patrol for over a month – if she had timed her attack just right. Yet she was hardly in a position to time or attack anything. But he could see that she meant it – her face closed to him and set in grim determination.

“How have you managed that?” he said finally – he wished he had read her damn correspondence.

“I traded the only thing I had left,” she said. “And promised Captain Barbossa my vote at the next election if he razed Georgetown to the ground. On my terms.”

“The next election?” James said baffled. He knew of course that pirate crews practised a sort of crude democracy but Barbossa had a ship - he was known to have the Black Pearl _again_ which James could not bring himself to regret that it had been stolen out from Sparrow for all that Barbossa had proven considerably more bloodthirsty over his considerable career.

“The pirate King must be a Captain,” Elizabeth said quietly, “I could barely hold the votes on the Empress while pregnant – I certainly won’t win another crew after losing one to the gallows. But a pirate Lord has no such rule and so I can still help someone else win.”

“Elizabeth there are innocent women and children in Georgetown,” he said finally. Whatever the Governor had done surely they did not deserve this.

“On my terms,” she reminded him. “If Barbossa’s crew kills one woman or child directly then he has lost my vote – if they should remain in a town under bombardment there is no hope for some people.” She turned her face away from him. “What kind of mother would willingly take her child into danger like that. A poor one.” Her voice broke and he _knew_ she was no longer talking about Georgetown and went to her side only for her sobs to become more vocal. He pulled close and let her cry and damned himself that he could not care that she had condemned an entire town to pirate attack and only wished to comfort her in any way he could.

 

* * *

Elizabeth eventually exhausted herself in his arms and he took her to her bed, settling her as best she could.

He knew he should send word to the fort. That he should plan a relief mission to Georgetown. But instead, he sat by her bedside and watched Elizabeth sleep. This then why she had planned to stay – she had given up her last bit of influence in pursuit of revenge and as always he could not condemn her when reason said he should.

She awoke just before dawn and blinked at him. “Is this some sort of house arrest?” she asked and he flushed.

“Of course not,” he said snappish and felt idiotic for having cared. “I was worried.”

“Ah,” she said. “Do you think I might do something foolish out of guilt?”

Well, he did now. But he had the sense not to say so. “You are not under arrest,” he said. “Though I would advise you limit your correspondence with the brethren court to your vote and no more. There is only so much I can shield you from Elizabeth.” He had no idea of she would listen and he turned on his heel and left trying not to contemplate what would happen if Elizabeth continued to aid and abet piracy from his home. Perhaps she would get him hanged as well and then at least he would not have to condemn her.

 


	5. Reiteration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Elizabeth continue to misunderstand each other.

James spent the next day uneasy and day watching Elizabeth, who pretended a complete lack of concern at his supervision. He had seldom been so ill at ease. He wanted to help Elizabeth and he wanted to shake her. It had rapidly become clear to him he could do nothing to help Georgetown – any relief would arrive far too late and he had no means of explaining his knowledge of the pirate attack. After a full day of this it was only at dinner, his watchfulness finally seemed to bother her. “You need not worry I am up to anything else, James. I am entirely without influence now.”

But they both knew that wasn’t true – Port Royal was the heart of the British holdings in the Caribbean and she knew the politics here better than most. She also had wealth she could use in her brethren’s favour for all it was in his name. But given that the alternative to believing her was arresting her, he had little choice and he nodded. James would rather go into battle against a dozen undead pirates unarmed than even think of putting her back in a gaol cell.

It was always hit and miss whether he would see her after dinner and his scrutiny must have been too much for her as she vanished the instant the meal was done.

James worked on his latest report as if that could banish the spectre of Georgetown from his mind.

 

* * *

That night he was awoken by the sound of her nightmares again and knowing now what he did about what those nightmares might consist of he could not bring himself to delay awakening her by fussing on with drinks and maids and excuses and he went through to her room to wake her.

She reacted explosively to the slightest touch on her shoulder – awakening instantly and scrambling silently backwards across the bed until she was as far away as she could be from him and still in bed. She had shrunk in on herself, tucking her knees to her chest as if to make herself as small as possible and she was shaking. Then she looked at him and he was startled by the wide-eyed fear on her face until he began to fade and she uncoiled a little from her reflexive huddle.

“I’m sorry,” he said stricken – he had not meant to make things worse for her. “I’ll send the maid again next time – I thought you might prefer to be woken sooner.”

“No,” she said her voice unsteady. “I would prefer that, it’s fine James.” Her breathing steadied a little and he re-evaluated what her nightmares were about – grief and fear were very different and that was fear on her face. “I would rather be woken,” she confirmed again. “If you do not mind James. I will not even complain about the lack of refreshment.”

James nodded feeling foolish. He had known the hot toddy was a pathetic excuse but he could not bring himself to send a maid with instructions just to wake her and the drink had always been easy to make while waiting for a servant to dress and appear in the kitchen. Besides it had been his mother’s cure for nightmares when he was small and he had hoped Elizabeth found some comfort in it.

“Would you like a toddy?” he asked. A good dose of warm brandy should steady her and he was happy to fetch it.

“No, you needn’t wake the maid,” she said. “I will manage.”

That was really a yes – he knew but he did not quite know how to say he had made the drinks himself. “I think I can manage to warm some brandy,” he said stiffly.

 

 

* * *

When he brought her the drink she took one sip and stared at him and he knew she was on to him. “Well this is very good for your first try,” she said. And he could not even be chagrined by her teasing – it was too much of a relief to hear mirth in her voice. “What is in this besides hot water and brandy?” she asked, patting the bed beside her in invite.

“Sugar and cinnamon,” he said staring at her hand. She raised an eyebrow at him and carefully he sat on the very edge of the bed. She drank the rest of the toddy in silence and then handed him the glass.

“Thank you for waking me,” she said after a long moment which he took as a dismissal and left.

 

 

* * *

It becomes a regular occurrence and the fourth time he woke her, she did not startle so badly. Occasionally she followed him to the kitchen to supervise the toddy making. It was an odd feeling but no matter how awkward things are between them during the day that at night James felt she was being honest with him. Even her silence seemed more honest than the behaviour she exhibited during the day.  She behaved very properly during the day – she had started accepting invites and taking herself out for walks and getting on very well with the other navy wives. One day she came back from a day out with a sewing sampler that she had made. It baffled him entirely.

 

It was the night that they receive word of the sack of Georgetown and the death of the Governor there that she truly threw him. She was not so crass as to be happy about it but there was an edge of steel in her, he had not seen in some time. The sack was a victory to her – her victory. Perhaps her last.

She slipped into his bed beside him which had him sit up in alarm. What was she doing? She stretched out beside him. “I would like to sleep here,” she said. “I will not lay with you but if you should need relief – I can do that.”

“What!” James said horrified. Where had she gotten this notion from?

“I can use my hand,” Elizabeth clarified. “Or my mouth if you like. To please you. But nothing more.  I’d say you were free to keep a mistress but I doubt you would.”

“Of course I would not,” he could not understand where this was coming from. “Nor do I expect you to provide _relief_. Elizabeth.”

“Alright,” Elizabeth said looking oddly dejected and slipping out of the bed. He meant to tell her she could sleep here if she wanted but he could only imagine that would be a mixed message.

He did try. “Elizabeth if you wish for company at night – you do not need to offer me anything in return.”

She paused in the doorway. “Yes I know,” she said. “You don’t want anything from me. That’s quite clear.”

After that, the door was locked at night though her nightmares still wake him there was nothing he could do about them.

 

* * *

For all their marriage was strained Elizabeth carried on making a favourable impression on Port Royal society, the menus are reviewed regularly – she spent her allowance on gowns and ribbon. She apparently was the best of friends with Mrs Gillette. Despite her clear opinion of Lt. Gillette which was not flattering.

The only thing she did that was at all improper was a sword practice regime that she undertook in the garden and no-one knew about that but him and the servants. It did explain the blacksmith’s bill. She had purchased a small arsenal of weaponry. A sword of course but a wide variety of knives and daggers too. Still, he could not object if it made her feel safer – she had not yet stabbed anyone.

 

But one day he came home to the clashing of swords and he rushed into the garden, sword in hand, to find Elizabeth duelling Theodore Groves.

Groves put up his sword at once and he saw a flash of temptation cross Elizabeth’s face -it would have been an easy victory but not a fair one and then she shrugged and put up her sword too. “Hello darling,” she said crossing to press a kiss to his cheek. She looked vaguely guilty and it became clear why when she whispered in his ear, “he thinks you know.”

James managed to reign in the accusation he had been about to spit at the Lieutenant. “Well then,” he said, summoning every bit of self-control. “How is Elizabeth coming along then?” he said barely able to stop himself from grinding his teeth as he then had to listen to the Lieutenant praise Elizabeth’s progress. He had never been more relieved than when the Lieutenant made his excuse and left. Which was immediately followed by Elizabeth kissing him again – as if to rub salt into the wound and then vanishing into the house before he could ask just what she was playing at?

 

* * *

That night she came to him again, slipping into his room the instant he went to retire – she had not been at dinner. It was just as well – he would have said something and it was not a discussion he wanted to have in front of the staff.  She looked slightly pensive. “I am not sorry.” She told him directly. “I will never get better drilling on my own.”

“And lying to Lt. Groves seemed a better option, did it?” he said tightly. It had taken him some time to consider why he had been so annoyed and it had been the dishonesty. He had considered if he could be her sparring partner and concluded that no – he could not see any way he could go at her with a sword not even in practice. But he would have found her a sparring partner if she asked.

“It had been going smoothly for weeks,” she said. “He was happy to spar with me.”

James wants to ask her why lying had seemed better than just talking to him but he was at a loss for words. “I know I am not a proper wife,” she said eventually. “I try where I can, James.”

“Is that what you think I want?” he asked her in the end. “Do you think me so deluded about your character?” He had not meant to be so harsh. “I do not object to your sparring. I do not object to you being improper. I do not even object to you involving Lt. Groves. But I do think I might deserve honesty.”

Elizabeth cocked her head at him and seemed to consider it. “I think I can manage that.”

 

* * *

It did not work out the way James thought it would. Elizabeth carried on her act in town but no longer pretends around him. He sees her marshal herself to attend tea parties. To be sociable and polite. Once a week he knows she visits the churchyard and he did not even try to talk to her after that – she had made it clear she did not want to share her grief.

But if she did not lie to him – that he knows she did not venture anything else either. As if she feels if she cannot lie to him then she had nothing to say at all.

 

One day he decided to watch her spar with Groves. Once he starts, he cannot stop. She loses most bouts – not because she was not good – she _was,_ but she was out of condition. It had been months now and she still winded easily. But she was much sneakier and if she could lure Groves into a trap then she would win. Groves takes such defeats easily, laughing and congratulating her.

And when she loses and loses her temper, Groves was better at placating her too. Sometimes James opened the window and told himself it was not eavesdropping – he often had the window open in his study.

“You should ask the Admiral.” Groves was telling her – it had the tone of something he had said before but Theodore Groves was not one for taking a hint.

“He’d never fight me,” Elizabeth said moving through her footwork while Groves caught his breath. “Lately he won’t even look at me.”

“He worries,” Groves said cheerily. “But I am sure if he would not spar with you, he’d at least give you some tips. He would want you to defend yourself. I have never seen him so het up than when we found you – he nearly took on the Governor and his entire garrison – would have done if I hadn’t made him see sense.”

“And how did you do that?” Elizabeth asked sweetly, at which point Groves carefully changed the subject. By challenging her to another bout.

 

James sat at his desk and brooded. Why did Theodore Groves rate honesty from her when all he got was blank looks and perverse offers?

But Groves was right. He did want her to be able to defend herself and so he left a peace offering in her parlour. A pair of pistols and a note promising her as much powder and shot as she needed.

She did not thank him but that night – the adjoining door was unlocked again. If he managed not to offend her, at least he would not spend his nights listening to her cry out in fear unable to interrupt and wake her.


	6. Renewal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth makes some progress

James woke one day from a dream that Elizabeth had been in his arms to find the bed warm beside him and the scent of her perfume on the pillow beside him, for two nights he thought he may be going mad before he woke one night as she slipped out of his bed and back to her own. It was not yet dawn and he wondered at her actions. Did she sleep easier in her presence? He had not been woken by a nightmare in some time.

The next night James read for some hours and only feigned sleep when he heard movement next door, Elizabeth did not just slip into his bed but into his arms and he wondered that she was so sure he would accept this in sleep. But then she had been doing this for some time. He cannot help but hold her close and perhaps he would react the same way unconsciously. When her breathing steadies he even dares brush a kiss to her golden hair.

Three days later he wakes to her still in his arms, which was both wonderful and embarrassing as his body reacts to her warm presence pressed against him. She was awake and watching him and he blinked at her confused and yet hoping this was a good sign. She tilts her head up and for the first time since they wed kissed his mouth and not his cheek. A soft sweet kiss that did nothing to help his early morning arousal. When she broke the kiss, she nuzzled his neck. “You hold much tighter when you are awake,” she told him and he flushed. “I like it,” she added and then kissed him again.

 

* * *

They spent most mornings like that now – Elizabeth had not made any more offers, not even when she could obviously feel him pressed against her. Then one night she came to his bed when they retired instead of creeping through in the night. James was pleased for a brief moment and then worried this would pre-empt some kind of offer though it did not at first. He was startled beyond belief when instead one night curled in his arms she instead made a request. “Would you offer me relief?” she asked in a whisper so quiet, he wondered if he had misheard until she moved his hand to her thigh.

For a moment, he felt dreadfully selfish – he had never even thought she might want anything of him in that fashion and certainly her offer had not made him think that. But she kissed his neck and he pushed that thought aside to slip his hand a little higher and he could feel her breath hitch as he explored her. He kept his touch gentle even when she was squirming and her breath caught. “Alright?” he asked and she nodded, her eyes pressed closed which only made him wonder what – or who she was thinking of. Her climax takes them both by surprise and she shuddered in his arms biting her lip to keep herself quiet.

She was quiet for a moment after holding to him. She was still moving a little and shifting her thigh between his pressing against his manhood and he groaned at the sensation. “Please let me,” she said her hand hovering and James gave into to temptation and letting take him in hand while he held her close and kissed her until her touch drove him over his edge.

Afterwards, he kissed her again and could not help but apologise. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I did not know – I did not realise when you offered, that you wanted.”

“It’s alright,” Elizabeth said bemused. “I don’t know what I want most days James – I don’t see how you can be expected to work it out.”

That did not sound promising at all, he thought. But she curled into his arms and went to sleep and seemed content enough.

 

* * *

The next day he came home to find she had Mrs Gillette for tea with her young son. The boy was contently playing with what a wooden top which was clearly designed for an older child by thumping it determinedly off the ground. He dropped the toy and clung to his mother’s skirts at the sight of James suddenly unsure. He was very young and James greeted Elizabeth and the boy's mother and crouched down to wave at Young Theo which went badly until James had the idea to spin the top for him which at least caught the boys interest. “Again,” the toddler demanded enthralled and James loses half his afternoon to entertaining him while Mrs Gillette seemed mortified that he had had to lower himself so. Elizabeth only looked wistful and after their guests had left James tried to catch her before she vanished off.

“I’m sure she would not bring him if she knew it upset you,” he said. “There is nothing wrong with that.” The boy was at the age he would usually spend his days in the nursery anyway.

“I asked her to bring him,” Elizabeth admitted freely. “She will spend out next tea apologising no doubt that you had to entertain him. He’s a lovely boy.”

James was rendered speechless by that – the one thing he had never been able to shield Elizabeth from was herself. This appeared to be another occasion that applied.

 

* * *

James spent several days worrying over it- Elizabeth had made her position on intimacy quite clear but even if not he cannot be so crass as to just suggest she could still have a child if she wanted. It would not make up for her loss of course or the dreadful circumstance but if she wanted to be a mother she could. Or at least consider the possibility of it. In future.

She reads him easily enough though and one night in bed she curled into him to tell him. “I had a fever _after_ ,” she said. “And bled more than I ought. The midwife said I wouldn’t have another child. Not that my circumstances indicated such would be possible anyway.”

James was staggered to hear she had even had a midwife given circumstance and perhaps his surprise showed. “The Governor knew who I was,” she said. “I was given special consideration – he meant to take my son as his ward and claim my father’s money.” The fury in her tone was palpable. “He accused me of having a sickly child to spite him.”

James regretted again not dealing with the man himself – he could only hope the pirates she had sent after the man had killed him slowly.

“He then was set on my writing a will,” Elizabeth said. “And when I would not and would not sign the ones he wrote leaving what I had to him, he made it clear there would be _consequences_. I was almost glad when I realised I had gaol fever.” James felt his stomach turn over – it had been clear what the consequences were from her other vague statements of her time in prison and the things she would not contemplate between them. “But then they left me alone and I was in such a fog I could not work out if I had signed something in the fever daze or if he had given up on his scheme.”

Her scheme to make him holder of her father’s property makes more sense now – no wonder she had said that nonsense about a will being challenged in court. “I really did want you to have everything,” she said suddenly. “If I had been rescued by anyone else I would have just done a will – it seemed so serendipitous that you were there at all.” James could only think it would have been serendipitous if he had arrived four months earlier than he did. “But I am sorry,” she went on. “I know you did not expect to be tied to me permanently and I am hardly an ideal wife.”

 “Elizabeth!” James was incredulous. “You cannot possibly think I would have preferred it if you had married me and _died_.” He could not help but be hurt she would even think such a thing. “You are the only wife I have ever wanted.” He told her. “Surely that counts as ideal?”

He did not think he had convinced her. But he had at least made her smile briefly before she voices another doubt. "But you would have been such a good father - don't you hate that I robbed you of that?" 

"You did not rob me of anything," James said firmly. "What has happened was not your fault, Elizabeth. None of it. I am only sorry that you will not have a child if it is what you want. If I was asked to choose between fatherhood and you - it would not be a contest. I would chose you everytime." 

He was not sure he had convinced her entirely but it calmed her enough to sleep.


	7. Requests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth both receives and makes a request.

James was not sure if it was the intimacy or the latest confession Elizabeth had made but something had changed between them. Elizabeth had become more openly affectionate and more inclined to closeness. She pestered him to sit in her parlour – a room he had avoided assuming she wanted it for herself. She came to bid him farewell before he left for the fort even if she was not yet dressed hurrying downstairs in her dressing gown to kiss him and cling briefly. If she was home when he returned in the evening he got a similar welcome too.

 

Elizabeth spent every night in his bed and in his arms, clinging to him and offering him kisses. If it was not that often that she asked him for more than that and offered him the same, it was still a regular occurrence – sometimes only once a week and sometimes several nights in a row.

James could not predict this but he never pushed for more, wanting only what she wanted. It seemed best to let her take the lead in this entirely. Elizabeth was very specific about what she wanted and he was happy to oblige. James learned quickly that she would not let him lift her shift or explore her further or touch her in any way but the way he had the very first time he had touched her. If he moved his hand anywhere she did not want it she simply moved it very firmly where she did. But that she clearly approved and the first time she gasped his name when her pleasure hit instead of biting her lip, he was surprised at the relief he felt.

If Elizabeth only wanted one thing from him intimately, she did not presume the same for him. Sometimes shifting so she sat in his lap while she touched him or slipping down his body to use her mouth. James was always too far gone with arousal to object to anything she did though after he tried to tell her after that she did not have to.

Once instead of asking him for anything, Elizabeth just reached for him and James summoned up the self-control to object, thinking this was a return to her original offer. “Shhh,” she had said, kissing his neck. “I don’t always have to go first, James.” Her hand was sliding up and down his length which did derail his attempts to explain that of course, she should go first. “In fact,” she said carefully, “we could go together.” He did not need any encouragement to be able to touch her while she did the same for him and the sounds of her arousal at the same time as her touch have him struggling to last.

 

* * *

They maintained an active social life, which Elizabeth managed efficiently – invites went to her and she penned acceptances to those she wished to attend, polite excuses for those she did not. Only those invites she had accepted were left on his desk. James wondered sometimes at her criteria he could not see rhyme or reason for events she turned down – he would like to know if someone had spoken out of turn or offended her.

Elizabeth denied this whenever asked, “we can’t attend everything, James,” she said. James always had when he was not at sea but Elizabeth had been firm in telling him. “I refuse to look desperate for societal approval.” As long as she felt comfortable in what they go to, he was content.

On nights when they had been to a dinner party or a dance or a musical revue, James would spend most of the night staring at her in her latest exquisite outfit, she never played when asked, rarely danced except with him, and seemed to enjoy dinner parties more than the other events. She often turned to him on these nights for intimacy and he worried sometimes that this was because he could not stop looking at her. He did not mean to pressure her.

And in general, he worried of course – this was not the life she had ever wanted and if she managed it easily enough it did not mean she was not unhappy. Her friendship with Mrs Gillette seemed sincere enough though and he got used to coming home to find that the mother and son were here for tea. Young Theo shouted “Top,” whenever he saw him but after some careful coaxing from either his mother or Elizabeth, he was closer to being able to say “Admiral,” though Norrington was clearly beyond him. And he was perfectly amenable to playing with other toys as well. One day James brought him a small wooden boat which caused a small meltdown of glee to his mother’s embarrassment and what appeared to be Elizabeth’s amusement. But after a moment she excused herself – apparently to see where the tea was and when she came back slightly after the refreshments none of her smiles reached her eyes. 

James waited until their guests had left – Young Theo triumphantly waving the boat in farewell before he tried to apologise.

“Don’t,” Elizabeth said. “James, I’m sorry. You mustn’t mind my moods. I like that you are close with him. His father is useless.” She kissed his cheek. “But perhaps it is a little harder to see than I thought.”

That doesn’t make James feel one iota better and that night when she curled in his arms and shook with tears, he rubbed her back and kissed her hair and wished there was _anything_ he could do to properly comfort her.

 

* * *

As close as they had become in their own way, Elizabeth did not often join James for breakfast which he had been informed to his chagrin, was his own fault. James had only commented once that surely she wanted something more substantial than coffee and pastries, (at the time she had been still recovering from her illness and he had tried to make sure she ate substantial meals.) She had taken great offence at his monitoring of her diet and had insisted on breakfasting in bed from then on. But on occasion when he slipped reluctantly from the bed at her side she would stir and rise with him. It meant those occasions where she did rise for breakfast were a treat for him to have her company before he left for the day.

 

On this particular morning, two days after Young Theo’s visit, she had gotten up with him and even made it to the breakfast table before him. She had a plate full of cook’s best approximation of a bath bun, a cup of strong coffee and was fussing with a bit of correspondence.  “James,” she said. “Am I mistaken in thinking Archie is your eldest brother?”

James looked up from his own sliced ham and eggs, confused as to any reason she would wish to discuss his family and certainly, in particular, his brothers whom he had never really spoken of to her on account of having nothing positive to say. “Archibald is my father’s heir, yes,” he said cautiously.

Elizabeth frowned and put down the correspondence and turned her attention to her breakfast until she must have caught the look on his face and then she smiled. “He has written to me,” she said. “I thought I must have been confused – normally eldest sons do not have reason to send begging letters to relatives they have never met.” She did not say of course that even if they do have a reason such a letter was unforgivably rude.

James set down his fork beyond annoyed at his brother. He managed not to snap when he answered her unasked question – he was not annoyed at her for bringing this up - just at Archibald in general. “My brother has a gambling problem that has outrun both an eldest son’s allowance and two dowries at this point. I am sorry. He writes to me regularly I did not think he would lower himself to bother you about it. I cannot think of any reason why he would think my wife would be at all susceptible to his nonsense.”

“Yes,” she said – picking up the letter and clearing her throat before she reads from it. “I am sure that dearest Jamie has given you the most dreadful impression of me – it is my greatest regret we are not closer and I acknowledge that my behaviour when we were youths may have contributed to that.” She paused with a slight smile, “at least he knows I would not blame you for any estrangement but you have not been nearly as critical as he thinks. How many years between you again?”

“Nine,” said James tightly but controlled – losing his temper with his brother would not help and if Elizabeth was amused by his nonsense so much the better.  “Edward is only two years his younger and they were thick as thieves, they were young men by the time I was out of the nursery and never had much time for me.”

“How awful,” Elizabeth said quietly, her smile dying and her look turning sympathetic. He had known of course she regretted being an only child – he had never felt inclined when she was an impish child to explain siblings were not always useful in plots or automatic friends.

“He is,” James said. She was still clutching the letter though and he gestured, “please go on.”

When Elizabeth reads out more of the letter, she affects a pompous tone that was not at all off the mark for his brother, “Owing to the great distance between our stations and Jamie’s only recently discarded bachelor status, he has no understanding of the great difficulty in raising my dear six children alone and the financial pressures of such. It is my great hope that having settled to the married state himself now you may be able to convince him to be generous to the youngsters in our family from whom he is so distant, before the obligations of starting his own family make that an impossibility.” She paused there, a moment of regret, while James hated his brother that little bit more. But she carried on. “And of course if you should wish to visit and meet your nieces and nephews you and James would be most welcome to visit at any point if the call of civilisation should be inclined to beckon you from the colonial wilderness.” Elizabeth put the letter down. “Yes, quite charming – if you had not admitted it I would not have believed you could be related.”

 

“Be thankful Edward did not write,” James advised her, “He is perhaps the world’s poorest minister and only holds his living because of my father’s influence, he wrote me once and asked if it was still true that Port Royal had pipes of wine in the street, and obliged everyone that passed to drink because if so he might trouble himself to visit.” Which had been one of the least obscene things in the letter and yet was still a galling question for James to be asked of a town he had done his best to civilise. James had been explicitly clear at how unwelcome his brother would be in the return letter and in case that had not put him off he had implied that the civilisation of Port Royal had cleared it entirely of brothels and loose women. That would certainly put both of his brothers off.

Elizabeth looked vaguely guilty for a moment and James suddenly recalled the day they had both arrived in Port Royal. Young Miss Swann had been aghast at the lack of pipes of wine and pirates in the streets. That had been much more amusing. But she did not address it instead asking. “Is Archibald truly gambling away his money when he has six children?” There was a bitter tone in her voice that James could not blame her for. He had never understood his brother and he cannot blame Elizabeth for judging him harshly.

“I believe so,” James said. “But my mother will make sure the children lack for nothing and some of them have money from their mothers too. Archibald is not raising them alone – his eldest is more often with my parents, and my sister fosters his eldest daughter as she has only boys and he married his third wife last year and . . .” James trailed off for a moment wishing he had not gone down that train of thought. “I believe she is lately with child according to my mother’s last letter.”

“Ah,” Elizabeth said, sipping her coffee her face revealing nothing. “Do you think it was a difficult decision then to pretend that he was raising the children alone rather claim he needed more help with another child on the way?”

“I think Archibald is aware that a man struggling with six children might have taken steps to prevent another before writing begging letters,” James said. “He has always been good at presenting a narrative that suits his own perspective. And his latest father in law was a bit more careful with the marriage contract which has added to his list of aggrievances the world has done him.”

“Well,” Elizabeth said carefully. “I think I am rather looking forward to writing him back.”

This intrigued James but Elizabeth would say no more on the matter and of course, her correspondence was her own business.

 

* * *

James had other problems besides his brother’s thoughtlessness of course. Groves had begun to hint that Elizabeth would like another opponent now she was improving – he was glad to hear that for it boded well for her health. Yet Groves' hints - that he should be Elizabeth next opponent, irritated him endlessly. He had ended up telling Groves more severely “Perhaps Lieutenant that is an indication you need to practice more?”

Elizabeth maintained her pistol practice too, though – she went through more powder and shot that he thought possible. In the end, he noticed a pattern – whenever she had a nightmare – she spent the day in the gardens shooting until she had no powder or shot left. He wondered if there was any way he could make her feel safe here and he pondered – perhaps he could not fight her but he could join her on her drills – see if there was anything he could advise her on in the way of improvement. That was reasonable, wasn’t it?

Elizabeth agreed instantly when James proposed this and seemed cheered in a way that buoyed him too. He had worried she may have been offended that he would not duel her. The reason for this becomes apparently in their first practice session when regardless of what he planned, Elizabeth swings for him. He spends the entire time parrying blows, and fending her off on the defensive and countering every instinct he had to attack before she puts up her sword looking disappointed.

“I thought eventually you would attack back,” Elizabeth said quietly. “Am I such an unfit opponent?”

“It could never be a fair fight,” James said, which only gets him a glare and so he was forced to explain further. “Have you cut a man with a practice blade, Elizabeth? Or rung someone’s head so hard they were sick?”

“Hardly,” Elizabeth said moodily. “I’ve only ever had Will or Theo to practice with.”

“Well, I have,” James told her. “And I could not do that to you Elizabeth, I am sorry I have tried to contemplate and I cannot – so I will only be of limited use to you.” You were leaving your left side open at the end there, though.”

“I felt safe to do so,” she told him loftily. “It was not as if you would take advantage.”

“Did you never practice with Jack Sparrow?” James asked. Whatever his opinion of the man – he had been quick on his feet with a blade. “Or your crew?”

“Jack is good enough with a blade he must practice sometimes,” Elizabeth said. “But I would struggle to find anyone who could claim to have seen it. And my crew fought entirely differently – the Chinese style of fighting I think I would have lost too often for it to do me any good.” She sounded utterly despondent now and James was at a loss for words. He cannot swing at his wife with a blade – no matter how capable she was with one.

Elizabeth did not seem to hold it against him which somehow made it worse. That night in bed she wrapped her leg around him as he touched her as if to drag him closer to her and when after when she was touching him, she pinned him to the bed and kissed him intently. She ran hands over him working her way down his chest. She used her mouth and lapped at him with her tongue teasing him until he groaned then kissed back up his chest and sat in his lap and ground herself against his cock – she was hot and wet against him and whimpering in his ear at the feel of him and he came in embarrassingly short order spilling himself between her legs, hissing her name. For the first time ever she asked him to touch her again, unfastening her shift and baring her breasts all of which was new. He had never been permitted to touch her there or been asked to please her twice before. James focussed entirely on her, his hand busy between her legs as his mouth focusses on one breast then the other until she arched underneath him with a cry of his name.

 

* * *

The next day – he was breakfasting alone and _considering._ James looked at the ordered house, the menu’s, the invites, the sewing samplers (there was more than one now) and decided he must do better. He could have gotten wasters from the fort but he ordered them special, he had them made to match her sword and his and perhaps he needs the time to work up his nerve for it.

The order took a week to arrive and she was reading in her parlour when he presented the wooden swords to her. She did not seem to understand at first. “I am trying Elizabeth,” he told her. “Would wooden swords offend you so much?”

He realised when it sunk in and her face lit up then all of a sudden, he had an armful of her as he tries to keep hold of the practice weapons. “Really?” she said her whole face lit with hope.

“Really,” he affirmed. “You may have to ring my head until the notion sinks in – but if you want me as a sparring partner. I will not deny you.”

She kissed him and laughed. “Don’t think I won’t,” she warned sternly. “I will get you fighting back one way or another, James.” And then she was off to change into something fit for practice while James paced and told himself he could do this. If it meant so much to her he would have to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historical notes  
> Pipes of wine - pipe is an old term for a cask of wine - approx 1008 pints  
> Wasters - wooden swords used for practice.


	8. Recalcitrant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sparring brings out a few additional issues for James and Elizabeth.

The first (or perhaps it should be considered the second,) sparring session was an unqualified disaster.

James attempted to be strict on warming up and drilling first. Elizabeth objected and if he had not questioned if she had the stamina for both, she would never have agreed to go through as much as basic footwork before they fought. “Fine,” he said irritated. “Sit there while I stretch then and I will have even more reach on you for being warmed up.”

Elizabeth looked ready to stab him giving yet more reason to be glad of the wooden swords. But she did the warm up.

 

Neither of them was used to the wooden swords – James had not had them weighted (the heavier they were the more substantial a bruise they would leave,) and they were much lighter than an actual sword which put them both off balance.

At first, their bout was similar to the first fight, Elizabeth attacked him and he defended. She was good, quick and limber and at first unpredictable. But only a few moments frustration was enough to have her snap, slightly and she leaves her left open and he tapped her on the ribs with the wooden sword. Gently but his point was made. He could have slid a real sword into her heart. The thought made him shudder and she conceded ungracefully throwing the wooden sword down.

“That was barely even a bout,” she complained.

 

James would not be goaded any further. “Never mind,” he said innocently. “I am sure you will do better next time. And then it will last longer.” Elizabeth narrowed her eyes at him but snatched up her sword and she did not make that mistake again as they circle. He attempts to be more aggressive – he had promised and perhaps seeing her pleasure in it makes it a little easier. He hasn’t seen her this happy in her entire time in Port Royal.

But while they do last longer he wins the next two bouts as well. For a moment, he thought Elizabeth was being slightly more accepting of this given she had a chance to acquit herself slightly better. Elizabeth wanted to fight again but he could hear a catch in her breath and so he claimed he did not have time, pressing a kiss to her hair. But as soon as he denied her, Elizabeth threw down the practice weapon, sat down in a heap and glared at the wooden sword. She seemed very bitter. “I used to be good at this,” she said her stung pride beyond palpable.

 

James paused – he had not found his comfort welcome for the most part but he tried anyway. “I know,” he told her. “I have seen you fight in real battles, Elizabeth.” James had been too selfishly preoccupied to be horrified by her being attacked on Isla Cruces and caught up in his own battles – but he had seen her wield her sword against Jones’ creatures and he could not deny Will Turner had taught her well. And he had watched her just now and against Groves.

“I cannot defeat Theo after trying for weeks and you have just handily made me look incompetent,” she said. “With a _wooden_ sword.” She drew a deep breath and coughed and it concerned him.

 

“Indeed,” James said baffled by her, “it must be that you have to heal like the rest of us poor mortals.” He regretted that term at once when it brought to mind whatever William Turner was now.  “Elizabeth, you spent half a year in prison and recovered from jail fever only with supernatural intervention. I think you could be forgiven for being somewhat out of condition.” He did not mention the other event that had had a large impact on her health, or the fact she was still more slender than had been her wont. Or that he knew her sleep was still disturbed even if it was better than it had been. “Elizabeth, I am not saying this because you are a woman or because you are my wife but you are only human. You cannot change your physical state by losing your temper. Despite your very determined nature, there are limits and you have rather pushed yours. This is something that will get better with time if you let yourself recover.”

Elizabeth only looked hard done by. “And you’d know, would you?” she snapped.

 

James found it odd to be hurt by that. But he was. Of course, he did not expect her to know about other earlier injuries he’d taken. But as she had been witness to the wound that nearly killed him he thought it might have been memorable. The last thing he had heard before he had lost consciousness was her shouting his name from the sea. “Yes,” he told her, his tone cold. He had spent near two months abed with that wound, alternatively dosed out of his mind with laudanum or burning with fever and it had taken months afterwards for him to build up his stamina and strength again– much of it at sea, hiding when he felt winded in case he lost his post for concerns over his health. “Yes, I do know. Thanks to your father in law.” Or former father in law? His father was her father in law now. He had never brought up that day since – her accusations, their farewell. His declaration that they were entwined but not joined, (it seemed more relevant than ever now.) The fact that he had kissed her and then nearly died because he had chosen her side. And he never meant to- but that did not mean it didn’t sting that Elizabeth had forgotten it entirely.

“Oh,” she said in a small voice. “James I did not mean . . . “ she scrambled to her feet and stepped towards him and he promptly took a step back. He did not want sympathy that had to be coaxed out of her.

“I promise I can advise on the best ways for you to improve your stamina,” James told her. “They may not be as much to your liking as swordplay is but life is seldom so simple. Now pray excuse me I am due at the fort.” He bowed and left her before he said something he regretted.

 

* * *

At the fort, he tracked down Lt. Groves at once, who when directly questioned admitted Elizabeth had problems breathing before. “She made me give her my word would I would not tell you, it’s why I suggested you spar with her – so you could see,” Groves said this as if it was the most reasonable thing in the world.

“Why would you give her your word on such a matter?” James said, baffled and annoyed.

Groves looked abashed. “She pretended to faint and I went to check on her and she dragged me down and threatened me with a knife until I gave it.” James cannot even pretend surprise anymore and Groves did not even seem that offended. “She did apologise after,” he went on. “Said she didn’t want to worry you.” James sent the lieutenant on his way after telling him firmly that he noticed anything at all wrong in his interaction with Elizabeth it was to be brought to him immediately.

 

* * *

Elizabeth was waiting for him when he returned from the fort. Which surprised him – he had expected to come home and eat alone and retire while she sulked behind a locked door.

“I am not completely unfeeling James,” she told him. “I thought you had died that day – and when I heard you were alive – I assumed either Jones had fixed the damage without extracting a price because he had to answer to Beckett or that I had misunderstood what I saw – it was dark and I had water in my eyes but it looked as if you were run right through. How could anyone survive that?”

“With great difficulty,” James said. “And a decent portion of luck, I was run through but it seemed it missed my major organs – an inch to the left and it would have been a belly wound.” That would have been slow and painful death. “It didn’t seem like Jones did anything – if we had not stopped for more shot and powder they would not have even put me off before they headed to Shipwreck cove.”

 

“Well I am very glad they did,” she said. “And sorry that you endured that. I wanted you to come with me.”

“And then I would have been run through more thoroughly,” James said. “By your brethren – I would never have been welcome on a pirate ship and as I believe that predated your coronation there would have been little you could do about it.”

“I could have,” Elizabeth said. “You had just released us from the brig after all and besides half the Empress’ crew believed then that I was the sea goddess Calypso, trapped in human form. I could have protected you.”

James just stared at her – they had believed she was what? Elizabeth smiled at that for a brief moment but any mention of her crew could never be truly cheering. Still, they are back on an even keel for now it seemed.

That night in bed, Elizabeth untangled him from his night clothes long enough to examine his scar. He hoped she did not try anything else- it would smack of gratitude for the fight or worse as an attempt to prove she was fully recovered when he knew better. But she did nothing more than kiss his scar before she settled herself in his arms and slept.

 

* * *

The next day James persuades Elizabeth to breakfast by stealing the covers from her and asking innocently if she felt up to rising at this hour. Having implied her tendency to lie in bed until noon is to do with her health, instead of a habit, he knew she had for years, he got company at breakfast albeit it very unhappy company.

“I was thinking, Elizabeth, perhaps you would like to accompany me to the fort today,” James asked hopefully. “I was planning to walk and it’s a nice day.”

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose at him. “And what would I do when I was there,” she said.

“I only have to drop off some paperwork,” he advised her. “We could walk along the battlements after – it looks to be a lovely day. And there might be some sword drills at this time of day.” James could not get her more opponents (though he was sure she might acquire them on her own) but he could grant her an audience to the men’s practice – observation could be a useful teaching tool.

He thought perhaps she might have said yes, if not for the arrival of the post just then. And with it a letter that caught Elizabeth’s eye. “Perhaps tomorrow, James,” she said. “If it would suit you. I have some correspondence to attend to.”

“Is that my brother’s writing,” said James baffled. “What does he want now?” Surely he was not still pestering her for money.”

Elizabeth arched an eyebrow at him. “I do not know,” she said. “I haven’t read it and as such as a mere mortal I remain ignorant of the contents until I do.” She stood to leave the table and came over to kiss his cheek. “Have a good day, James.”

As if that was at all possible when he would spend the whole day wondering over what his brother was up to now. And if it were at all possible to persuade Elizabeth to tell him at the very least – perhaps not if she was still cross with him.

 

 


	9. Reassurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is irritated by his brother but reassured by Elizabeth.

When James got back from the Fort he saw that Elizabeth had left her correspondence out again which only irritated him further. How many tests was he supposed to pass? But when he heard the carriage and she came in from wherever she had been – shopping he supposed from her proper outfit and the fact she had a parcel secured under one arm. She kissed his cheek in greeting and looked at the undisturbed letter, “I left that out for you, James – seeing as you were so interested in your brother’s words.”

 

And then she vanished upstairs. Even with her permission, it seemed wrong to read her correspondence. But he only felt guilty until he read it and then he felt furious with his brother and even worse for inflicting his family on her.

He did not know of course what Elizabeth had written to Archibald and there was no doubt she would have been provocative. But even so, it did not justify the level of bile that had been set down on this bit of paper. His brother had been extremely direct in his actual opinion of Elizabeth, disparaging her reputation – which had reached London after all, speculating about her lack of virtue in no uncertain terms. Then worse Archibald had of course been sidetracked into speculating just why James might be interested in her. He had spent several paragraphs wondering if his brother had finally developed some interesting vices that might require her money or if he was just so useless with women that only a woman who needed her reputation restored by him would marry him, or perhaps he liked his women broken in.

Archibald had closed the letter by informing Elizabeth if she was so concerned about the upkeep of his children, she was welcome to contribute to it.

 

James went to find her to apologise for his brother’s behaviour – she was directing the maids in replacing the hangings on her bed.

“I’m so sorry,” he said only for her to look mildly surprised.

“Don’t be silly, James,” she said brushing a kiss to his cheek. “You’re hardly responsible for what your brother wrote – if you are going to be like this you won’t get to read any more of my correspondence. I bet you don’t get anything so scandalous in your post. He was quite creative in his language.”

“Elizabeth,” James said seriously. “That letter was a disgrace. You do not have to put up with that – I will write and forbid him from addressing you again.”

 

Elizabeth did react then instantly outraged – of course, she would not permit him to protect her from his vile brother. “You will do no such thing,” she told him. “I have already written and posted a reply – my health may be so pathetic I can barely wield a sword but I am fine with a pen. You do not need to fight my battles for me.”

James did not dare say that as her husband that it was rather his remit to defend her – by whatever means. He could imagine her response.  If it made her feel better to exchange insults with his brother by the post he could hardly deny her. “Alright,” he said feeling useless only to be surprised when she offered him a brief kiss.

“Come on,” she said. “Why don’t we go out for a brief walk before dinner if you are going to drag me all the way to the fort tomorrow?”

 

James can easily agree to that and he offered her his arm as they take a leisurely wander, Elizabeth did not let him up the pace at all and so by the time they make it to the fort – for all she claimed a brief walk - it was quite late. She started to struggle a little on the way home and he realised he had made a mistake. He had suggested that they take up walking because her lungs would only improve with exercise but he had not considered how little he could bear to see her struggle. On the way back through town, he looked in every closed shop window, as a reason to slow down. Elizabeth was not fooled one bit as he examines a mantua gown in detail in the window of the dress shop. “That won’t suit you at all,” she told him, casting her eye over the rose gold silk.

“No,” James said amused. “But you would look lovely in it.”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “It’s pink, James.”

“It’s rose gold,” James protested – gold suited her so well but he did not hold out much hope given the face she was making.

“If you really like it, I will come and buy it tomorrow,” she said. “Now stop mollycoddling me – I’m hungry.”

 

He took her arm again as they set off home. “You do not have to do that if you do not like it,” he assured only for her to pat at his arm.

“I dislike the corsets,” she said. “I do not mind overmuch about the colours really and no doubt it is very fashionable.” She paused then. “And you ask for so little. It would be nice to indulge you though no doubt you will take that the wrong way entirely.”

James had been half way through formulating a sentence informing her she did not have to indulge him but was cut off by that sentiment before he returns to his original intention.

“I merely do not want you to think you have to please me,” James said sincerely.

 

“Yes,” Elizabeth said. “How awful that would be – if after I threw myself back into your life and then badgered you into marrying me against your better judgement, I wished to see you happy.” She kissed him right there in the street, with her usual disregard for propriety, folding herself into his arms. “You must want more from your ideal wife other than just being me. Perhaps I will never sit quietly sewing and will insist you spar with me – but of course, I will wear a particular dress if it would please you to see me in it. I do my best in society and it’s not even as dull as I expected. I’d order your favourite foods if I could work out what they were but you seem to like everything.”

“No,” James said eventually which baffled her. “There isn’t more to it than being you, Elizabeth. I love you.” He could not help but feel slightly shy over the words – he had never said it before though surely she knew.

 

She was silent in return to that her dark eyes watching him and he could not read her expression at all. Then she kissed him sweetly. “Let’s go home then.” James spent the night wary that she would offer him something more because she could not return his feelings. But she merely slept in his arms and even got up without a fuss the next day, joining him for breakfast and keen for further exercise.

 

* * *

The walk to the fort was quiet at first and Elizabeth was pensive which makes him reconsider – surely he could offer her something but when he thinks of it, he ends up blurting out “Venison,” and making very little sense so she stared at him. “My favourite food,” James added feeling ridiculous.

“Oh of course,” Elizabeth said vexed. “Something it will be hard to get you.” She was not incorrect – venison was not something common in the Caribbean colonies. Deer was not one of the animals the Spanish had imported and it was rare for trade ships to carry it. She nudged him. “What else?” By the time they reach the fort – she had an entirely new menu planned based on his preferences and James had to remind her to not neglect her own tastes which she makes mock of. Her breathing was a little laboured when they arrive which she studiously ignores so he was forced to as well but he sends for tea in his office, to get her to sit for some time.

There was no sword drill currently so Elizabeth made herself busy with his map, plotting her own course while James wrote a report and reminded himself repeatedly to not spend the entire morning staring at her. The sound of the sword drills beginning was obviously but she did come and offer him a kiss farewell before she vanished off. James goes to the map and found she had been plotting a course to England – that he did not expect but perhaps it was simply more of a challenge.

 

When James went to find her, she was watching the drill from a distance and had been joined by Groves who she was scolding. “I cannot believe you said I threatened you with a knife,” he overheard her say. “It was a hair ornament.”

“It felt like a knife at the time,” Grove said in a sulky tone. “What would you have had me say? Forgive me if I did not want to tell my commander his wife threatened my manhood with a hair ornament.”

“Oh be quiet – I barely did – that would have been improper. I poked you in the thigh and you panicked.” Elizabeth said and James was at once relieved and yet had to take a step back in case he laughed and they heard. “You could have said you merely wanted to keep my confidence like a gentleman,” Elizabeth suggested.

“Well, he would never have believed that,” the lieutenant told her. “Anyway he’s sparring with you now – I don’t know why you are complaining.”

“And my other query?” Elizabeth said, which had him on more alert. Why was she asking Groves and not him?

“No luck,” Theodore Groves told her in a tone that even James could tell was a lie. “Ask the Admiral,” he suggested. “Much more influence than I have,” Groves added cheekily as he bowed and retreated.

“Or are ever likely to have,” she called after him but she didn’t sound truly angry.

 

James came to her side then she smiled at him and kissed his cheek not caring one whit that they were in public. “Is there something you need?” he asked hopefully.

“Nothing of import,” Elizabeth assured him. “Come on, I’ve been promised battlements.”

James was not the best company for their walk, given that part of him was half wanting to run after Lt Groves and demand from him what Elizabeth had wanted. But she must have known because they had not been alone for more than a few moments before she told him. “I asked him the best ship for passage to England – and the cost.”

 

James could not have been more stunned if she had stuck him. Elizabeth hated England, she had hated it as a child and told every sailor on the Dauntless who would listen. And her time as a pirate and being condemned by the crown – however, undone that was – had not changed her opinion, he’d been sure. But they he felt worse because however much she hated England hadn’t she been given reason to hate the Caribbean more. And he felt dreadful he had not even thought of the fact she might want to leave and she had had to try and sneak away. Of course, he had known ever since they arrived back she would go eventually but the longer she stayed the easier it had been to hope.

He cannot help but ask. “Would you wish to set up your own household,” he said, his voice heavy. “Or would you object to my presence – if I could get a transfer or if I resigned my post?”

“What?” Elizabeth said her eyes wide with shock. “James no. You do not understand.  I do not mean to _live_ in England! I would fling myself off the battlements again first and hope to hit the rocks rather than live in England! I am not leaving you. I promise. I merely meant to visit – I thought perhaps the next time you had a long tour. I could. I have some business there to settle that’s all.”

James had never felt so giddy with relief and he let her pull him close, holding her like a lifeline, her slender body in his arms barely seeming real, his voice too tight to speak. Elizabeth patted at him like he was a nervous horse, making soothing noises.

 

“I’m sorry,” James said, eventually letting her go and feeling like the biggest fool that ever lived.

“No,” Elizabeth said, marshalling herself to something which causes another twinge of worry. “I’m sorry. James, I have always known how you feel. But I know just as well you don’t know how I feel and I have done nothing to reassure you. I know you think we were entwined but not joined but I feel like we are more than that. I do care for you. So much. More than I thought I could ever care about anyone again when you first found me.  I do not know what I would have done without you these past months – and I certainly couldn’t do without you in future. I’m not going to leave. Not ever.” She paused. “I am sorry I never said anything. It did not seem like enough – but I hope it is better than nothing.”

James kissed her then, he could not help himself, her mouth had never tasted as sweet and he tangled one hand in her short hair and ruffling it entirely from her proper do. No doubt he was dooming them to being seen by some sailors who would do nothing but talk but he could not care right then, caught up in the happiness that she returned his feeling in any measure at all. “It is more than enough,” he breathed. It was more than he ever thought he would have from her.


	10. Revelations III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James continues to be surprised by marriage to Elizabeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to sleepylotus for the chess idea :)

Having apparently taken his advice about exercise to heart, Elizabeth had decided to make it her habit to walk to the fort on her own on each afternoon that she had not received an invite to be social. James found himself watching the clock each afternoon which was pointless – she never arrived at the same time each day. Sometimes she anticipated just when he would finish and would wander the battlements for a few minutes.

Sometimes she came earlier and wandered around watching drills or poking her nose into supplies or practically inspecting the men. They all assumed she was reporting to him if they put a foot out of line and fell over themselves to behave around her. Other times she made herself at home in his office. James never left directly after her arrival whatever he had previously planned. So she could rest before the walk home. The exercise was well and good but Elizabeth was likely to overdo it.

For a week, they walked past the rose gold gown and James assumed she had forgotten or taken to heart that she did not need to please him. Yet he was a little disappointed the day it had vanished from the window and was replaced by a gown of vivid orange.

 

So it was a surprise on the night of the Draper ball that Elizabeth came downstairs wearing the gown in question. It suited her just as well he thought it might the warm tone setting off her smooth skin and the brightness of her hair. James could not help but stare at her transfixed by her beauty. Her hair was pinned up into pretty updo secured with an oriental pin and only a few soft curls had been allowed to escape. It went some way to disguising the length but only drew his attention to the smooth length of her neck. She was wearing a complimentary necklace of a single large pink conch pearl on a gold chain that was designed to draw attention to her décolletage.  She looked a little smug at his obvious delight when he saw her in it. “I look like a debutante,” she told him. “But I am glad you like it.” 

“You look a vision,” James said. “And debutantes this season will all wish they looked as beautiful as you do.” This won him a smile and a kiss to his cheek. He had been a little bolder about his compliments since she had confessed to caring for him and she had been more openly affectionate in response which made him go around giddy as a boy much of the time. Unless she was reminding him that it was time for a sword lesson. That did not seem to be getting easier for him. She was definitely improving as her health improved – but he felt no better about swinging a sword at her.

 

* * *

At the ball Elizabeth divides her time between being at James’ side, dancing with him and abandoning him to plot with Theo Groves to help him impress Lady Bellamy’s niece – Lt. Groves had quite worn his heart on his sleeves with regards to this young lady. Lady Bellamy did not look favourably on him due to his propensity to be overly honest and the fact that his lack of influence means his chance of making post currently do not look good. Elizabeth was hopeful on his behalf. “It just might work in his favour,” Elizabeth said. “A bit of disapproval. Miss Bellamy is stubborn and won’t be told what to do.” She did seem slightly self-conscious about that but James only smiled – he did not want to ruin the party for her.

“I suppose you would know,” James said and Elizabeth looked at him curiously. “I did not mean to criticise,” he added hastily.

“No,” Elizabeth said, her lips curling into a smile. “Don’t worry James, I am not so easily wounded as that. You are not wrong; I was always more inclined to want things I thought I could not have.” There was a twist in her voice there and he wondered then if it was over Mr Turner or her other loss. The other thing she cannot have. Whatever it was she pushed it aside and reached for his hand. “Come along, you can dance the minuet with me – Theo has secured Miss Bellamy for this set and I want to keep an eye on him.”

“I don’t think being alongside them in the set is going to do him much good,” James said.

“That is because you are not appreciating the proper application of leverage,” Elizabeth told him and then she fussed with her hair pin as soon as the lieutenant came into sight and James watched the man pale before he focussed on Miss Bellamy.

“I don’t think that is going to help his courting,” James told her amused as he led her to the top of the set.

 

* * *

They got home from the ball in the early hours of the morning, flush with wine and dancing and Elizabeth was giddy from the punch and her success in both teasing Groves and helping him make an impression on his apparent intended.

Despite the fact it was near dawn, Elizabeth told him she would be with him momentarily when they went to retire and that banished any spectre of tiredness James had.

It was practically light outside his window when Elizabeth came through to his room, she was wearing a new night rail made of the same rose gold silk. James could not help but stare. It was brief – with barely any sleeves and it was low cut – she still had that single pearl on drawing his attention to the slight curve of her breasts and the hem barely came to her mid thigh. She had let down her hair and so had a halo of golden curls.

 

“I thought if you liked this colour so much you might appreciate a closer look,” Elizabeth said, looking very pleased with herself, her lips curling into a knowing smile. James swallowed hard – she looked stunning but he desperately did not want her to think this was necessary and after a long moment, her face fell. “You don’t like it,” she said stepping closer to him sounding crestfallen.

“No,” James said sincerely. “You look beautiful, Elizabeth.” He pulled her into his arms for a kiss. “But you do not have to -”

“James,” Elizabeth cut him off her tone suddenly serious. “If you were the sort of man I who made me feel I had to do anything of a conjugal nature I would have slit your throat in your sleep.” She touched his cheek. “Is there something I can do so that I do not have to convince you I am willing every time I come to your bed?” She took a breath and looked strangely vulnerable. “Or if you do not want me to –  you have only to say. I know I asked for relief first. I can sleep elsewhere.”

“Elizabeth, I do not want you to sleep elsewhere,” James said sincerely. “And I know you are willing.” He did not think she would come to him unwilling not after her previous experiences. “But you do not have to dress up for me either.”

 

“I know that,” she said hotly looking at him as if he was extremely stupid. “I wanted to wear something pretty – is that so unbelievable?”

James paused – she seemed to be both upset and angry and so he wanted to choose his words carefully. “It is unexpected,” he said finally. “Not unwelcome of course but surprising.” He still could not get over how willing she was to subject herself to fashion for society let alone for him.

“You are the most infuriating man,” she said in a huff. “It is easier to get sense out of Jack Sparrow than you – James. What do you want from me?”

James thought that was harsh. Beyond harsh. He was not more nonsensical than bloody Sparrow and some part of his annoyance must have shown on his face because she bit back a laugh.

“I did not mean that,” she said, offering him kisses to placate him which only made things worse – he did not want to be placated. “But please James – I know you say you do not want anything from me but you must want something. Can I not have a little clue?”

James took her hand and made her sit on the edge of the bed. He was not going to suggest anything she would offer him out of some sort of duty. “I think we have already established, you are an ideal wife,” he reminded her. “I do not know how to convince you that I could not be more content with what we have.”

Elizabeth looked at him searchingly then her brown eyes wide and eventually she nodded. “Well,” she said finally shifting away from him to settle herself amongst the pillows. “Why don’t you come here and convince me of that.”

 

* * *

The next day – they both woke late and James’ head ached. Elizabeth did not seem so afflicted which seemed unfair given she had partaken freely of as much wine as him and was so slight. But she lay beside him in bed cuddled close until his headache had faded. It was the most miserable day outside and the sound of the rain lashing against the shutters and the wind howling. It was a proper summer storm and if it had been out to sea, James thought it might have been a ship killer – as it was it hugged the coast and hammered the Port Town and he was glad not to be out in it.

 

Elizabeth, on the other hand, was driven quite mad to be confined to the house. Once they were had risen and dressed for the day she paced and wandered from room to room unable to settle. She had picked up and discarded half a dozen books and given him a severe look when he had offered to read to her. She seemed so restless if it had not been for her health James would have suggested putting on oilskins and going out if she was so determined but being soaked to the skin would not be good for her. Instead, he suggested cards or he had a chess set in his study and he knew she played – he had taught her.

That finally caught her attention and she revealed he had her own chess set in her parlour but tucked away not set out. Another remnant from Government house. A set of plain and stained ivory pieces. “My father brought it from England,” she had said. “He taught me to play when I was eight – my mother laughed at him thinking I was far too young. She said I would never sit still long enough to learn but I did.”

 

James paused at that, confused a moment but Elizabeth was busy fussing with the chess set. All he could picture was a guileless twelve-year-old following him about the deck on the Dauntless pleading to be taught the game. Her father was so busy and the sailors didn’t like having her aboard and wouldn’t chess be a marvellous way to pass the time if only she knew how to play. It had not taken her long to wear him down at all.

It was a lie that had been well maintained as he after he had meticulous explained the rules, he had spent numerous afternoons attempting to impart strategy to young Miss Swann. She had spent most of the time thinking up new and fantastical rules. Her King had regularly been Alexander the great which allowed him to fight off a checkmate. Her bishops regular promoted to archbishop which allowed them to move on the straight and her pawns upgraded from infantry to both cavalry and elephants which gave them extra moves.

 

Still, he said nothing and let her set up the game and they played. Elizabeth was, of course, a competent player without any of her nonsense rules – he did not expect less. She had a much sounder grasp of strategy now and we waited until she had him in check when he nudged a pawn back three squares to take her queen that she frowned at him confused. “That pawn is an elephant,” James told her earnestly. “It gets extra moves.”

It takes a moment to sink in and then to his surprise, Elizabeth blushed and then laughed. “Oh lord. I had completely forgotten about that.” She looked entirely delighted which made the whole thing worthwhile in James’ view. “You indulged me dreadfully and let me cheat – for weeks.”

“I was rather under the impression I was teaching you,” James reminded her. “I was sure any day now I would manage to impress the seriousness of following the rules on you.”

“Yes,” Elizabeth said, “I am sure you are still waiting for that to sink in.” She abandoned the game momentarily to press a kiss to his cheek. “No wonder you do not believe a word I say.”

That gave James pause – he did not want her to think that. “I do believe you,” he said. “Some things just take time to sink in.”

“Do they,” Elizabeth said. “Well perhaps then I should give you advance notice then, I have decided I want more than relief. I will leave to you to decide when I next join you – but when I do I want more than your touch.” James sat stock still not quite believing what she had said – she had little reason to lie but he still could not believe she was bringing this up in the parlour.  “And an elephant can still only go forward,” she told him, moving her queen back into play. “Checkmate.


	11. Resolutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Elizabeth grow closer and he learns why she wants to visit England.

James had gone to Elizabeth’s room that night while scolding himself for eagerness. The idea of bedding her unwilling haunted him but he cannot see why she would say it if she did not mean it. He had been beyond clear he did not expect anything of her and he thought – he _knew_ that indicating he did not believe her would only insult her. And James did want her – it was pointless to deny that, he had _never_ stopped wanting her. And bizarrely her threat the night before had been some comfort. Surely it was not the sort of thing she would say while feeling obligated?

But the instant James stepped through the adjoining door to her room, part of him relaxed. Elizabeth was curled up in bed reading by the light of the oil lamp, there was a low fire burning in the grate and the sound of rain against the shutters made it seem entirely cosy. He could not help but like the sight of her so settled and he was reassured when Elizabeth looked up from her book and smiled at him, her whole face lit with surprised pleasure. James could hardly believe she looked like that at the sight of him. Elizabeth set down her book and pulled back the covers in a clear invite. She tilted her face to his for a kiss as he sat beside her gingerly, brushing his lips against hers softly.

“I was sure you would not come right away,” Elizabeth said softly. “Thank you for believing me,” as sweet as she sounded, there was a note in her voice that said _finally_ which made him feel a little bashful.

James was as usual lost for words around her and for a moment considered telling her she was just too tempting but that implied a lack of control he did not approve of at all and certainly not around Elizabeth and not that he would mention to her. “I did not want to make you wait,” James said in the end. “Or imply I doubt you.” This was after all the truth and if she was giving him the truth did she not deserve the same in return.

 

Elizabeth pulled him into her arms and James went gladly resting against her and pressing kisses to the nape of her neck. She unfastened his morning robe and pushed it off his shoulders leaving him in nought but a nightshirt to match her shift. She had a sensitive spot on her collarbone he had discovered previously -when offering relief and he focused his attention there until she sighed softly, her tone heavy with want. This only made him want to offer her more and he slipped his hand on to her inner thigh as his lips found hers. He did know how to rouse her at least – he was sure of that and she made the most wonderful sounds into his mouth and against his skin as he slipped his hand upwards to tease her damp curls apart and circle his fingers where she needed it most.  But it did not take long before Elizabeth squirmed out of his reach, breathing in his ear. “I want you in me,” she said. “When it happens. And I want that now.”

James did not need further encouragement – just being in bed with Elizabeth had him rock hard. It nearly always did except for when she needed comfort for he had found her tears more effective than an icy wave in dispelling certain notions. Yet when he was pressed up against her he could not help but start to say, “if you change your mind – if it is not how you thought.” He was cut off with a kiss and she arched under him as he slipped inside her. He remained still once he had penetrated her which he would say was for her sake but was at least partly for his own self-control. She was hot and wet and tight and more to the point this was _Elizabeth_ and he had dreamed of her for years. He would not embarrass himself by spending the instant he was in her though it would have been so easy to do so.

“It’s alright, James,” Elizabeth said after a long moment. “You can move. I want you to move.”

 

James kissed her – just once briefly. As much as he wanted the taste of her mouth – and he did, he wanted her to be able to protest if any of this was too much for her. He shifts slowly against her and only when he feels he has himself under control did he slip a hand between them to help her along.  It did not take much which he found reassuring and she was quiet when she was overwhelmed, her face tucked against his chest, her breathing ragged.

James slowed again and kissed her cheek, concerned. “Do you want – shall I stop?”

“Don’t you dare,” she told him, wrapping her legs around him which made him groan with need. “I want you, James, I promise, all of you.”  

That was all it took and James shuddered to a halt, her name like a prayer on his lips as he filled her with his seed. She did not let him out of her grasp afterwards, clinging tightly until he squirmed a little. He was very aware his weight was on he and he rolled back tugging her with him so she ends up atop him. “I love you,” he told her sincerely, only to be horrified that this brings tears to her eyes.

“I don’t deserve you,” Elizabeth said quietly. “But I am very glad I have you, James.” She kissed him when he went to protest that of course, she deserved him – she deserved anything and everything she wanted and when she broke the kiss he was shushed. “You have quite tired me out tonight,”

She did sleep quite soundly that night. James lay awake pondering her words watching her sleep and listening to the storm outside, wondering just what he could do to make her happy.

 

* * *

The storm broke in the night and the next day dawned bright and clear but Elizabeth was gone from his side when he awoke. She was not even in the house. This was a worry and when her maid quietly advises him she has gone to visit her father’s memorial.

James had never disturbed her there before but today he cannot quite bear to leave her alone. When he arrived at the Churchyard, Elizabeth was sitting by the memorial her face drawn, entirely lost in thought. She did not notice him – not until he sat beside her. Then she reached for his hand and he grasped it tightly. “I am sorry I did not find you sooner,” he told her after a long moment of silence.

“Oh James,” Elizabeth said softly, her tone pensive. “Of course you are. You would have accepted him without question wouldn’t you.”

James did not even see how she could ask him that. “I would have,” he confirmed.

 

Elizabeth leant into his arms and he held her close “He came early,” she said. “He was so small. He looked just like the children my mother had. The ones that died. The Governor didn’t realise of course so he brought in a minister for a christening.” James hoped that was some comfort to her, though she had never been very religious. “I told the minister I wanted him to be buried at sea,” she said. “It would be almost like he was with Will then – I assume he listened, I don’t remember much after he passed. My fever was very bad by then and I did not much care – I don’t remember much after that. Not until the Governor had his new plan.” She trailed off suppressing a small shudder. James held her tightly, even without what she had implied about that - the doctor’s report aboard the ship had been unpleasantly thorough. He was surprised though when she near scrambled into his arms and ducked her head into his chest. “Sometimes he seems like a fever dream,” she confessed. “He was so perfect even though he was tiny.”

“Of course he was,” James said lost for anything else to say. She made an odd choking noise and he rubbed at her back.

“I worry sometimes,” she said eventually. “You seem so convinced I’m unhappy with you James or that I could be. I’m not. It’s not you. It just hits me sometimes.” She brushed a bit of dark hair out of his eyes. He had been in such a hurry, he had not worn his wig. “You might be the only reason I’m anything _but_ unhappy. Sometimes I think you are the only thing keeping me sane.” She looked up at him, her dark eyes wide and he brushed a tear from her cheek.

 

“Well I am glad to be of service,” James said quietly.

“Everything else is keeping busy,” Elizabeth said. “Fussing about after Theo, society and the rest.”

“Yes well, Theo is quite cheeky for his age,” James said before he cautiously added. “Though I suppose he might grow out of it if he makes post.”

Elizabeth managed a rather damp giggle, which relieved him. He had not been sure if a distraction would be the right thing then. “Well I am sure we will see soon,” she said. “He does have an Admiral’s wife on his side. That has to count for some influence.”

“I am well aware I am in his debt,” James said. Because he was – Groves managed to duel with Elizabeth better than he ever did and had alerted him to her health issues despite the rather personal threats she had made. But more than that – he was the one who had found Elizabeth in gaol in the first place and James would never be able to repay that.

“Shall we go home?” she said. “I bet you came out without breakfast and as such are starving.”

James half-heartedly tried to deny this but she knew him too well. “Alright,” he said, helping her to her feet to take her home.

 

* * *

James tries to take her moods less to heart after that. To give her more allowance when she was distant or quiet. Elizabeth had said she cared for him and that he made her as happy as she could be and he tried for that to be enough. He could not begin to comprehend the magnitude of her loss and so he gave her what comfort he could.

He had his own distractions. There had been a more detailed report from Georgetown which might once have horrified him. The Governor had been keelhauled and his drowned corpse left in the centre of town. Everyman who worked at Gaols had been restrained, castrated and tied to the underside of the docks - the waters around the Cayman’s were not especially known for sharks but that meant nothing when there was blood in the water.

It had been a collection of grisly deaths yet to his relief there had been very few civilian casualties – the visible torture of the prison officer and the governors quelling those who might have challenged the pirates who destroyed their home. The men who had died horribly, James would have gladly killed himself even if would have done it more honourably. He cannot convince himself they did not deserve such deaths.

James left the report out for Elizabeth to read. In case it was a comfort. So that she could know to keep the bargain she had made if that was what she wanted. She never commented on it.

 

One night in bed after they had made love – carefully and slowly, James convinced he must take care of her at every juncture, he was idly running his hand over her back when he asked impulsively. “Your business in England – is it something I could help with?”

“No,” Elizabeth said, cuddling into closer to him. “Don’t worry I’m not going to teach your brother a lesson.” Elizabeth had continued to correspond with Archibald and James was no longer permitted to read the letters due to his general outrage over the way his brother addressed her. She was quiet for a long moment before she told him. “It is a sentimental thing – I thought I might take something of my father’s back– have it buried with my mother. He would have liked that I think.  He was not wearing his wedding ring when he died. That might do.”

Elizabeth wound her hand in his, threading their fingers together. James wondered if she did not want to part with the ring – for all she had recovered some things from Government House, it was not a lot. And then he couldn’t help but look at her bare ring finger. They obviously not had rings at their wedding aboard ship. And he had not felt able to offer it when they got back. Even now he could not imagine buying her jewellery though he would dearly love to spoil her.

“I am not sure about the ring, though,” Elizabeth said quietly. “But I did think,” her hand followed the motion of his to his own bare hand. “I did wonder if you might like it.” It was not at all the way these things normally happened with heirlooms but James was touched none the less.

“I would be honoured,” James said quietly. And he was – he was beyond touched. “If you are sure?”

“When am I anything but?” she teased. “No, I would like that. He would have too.” She had spoken before of his father’s approval of him – James was not sure that was a thing that had lasted but he had looked up to her father.

“I do not have any family heirlooms,” James told her. “Hazard of being the third son, but I would like to get you a ring too if that would suit.”

“Of course,” Elizabeth said amused. “You have my permission to buy me whatever you wish James. Don’t think I don’t see you casting longing gazes in the jewellers when we are walking in town. Unless you have a sudden mania for jewelled cravat pins you may do your worst.” James cannot even regret being so obvious – he is too buoyed by this permission to spoil her.


	12. Reticent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth gives up her last secret and asks a favour of James.

It was something to get used to – wearing a wedding ring, wearing her father’s ring. But he liked it. A constant reminder of her wherever he went. He had bought her a ring too of course. – a slender band of gold with an engraved quote from the Tempest, ‘I would not wish any companion in the world but you.’ Once upon a time the Tempest had been her favourite Shakespeare play. And either way, the sentiment held true.

Of course, since he had been given permission to spoil her the ring was not all he had bought her. There was as a set of brown topaz earbobs that matched her eyes. A necklace of pale sea green pearls. Some diamond hairpins. A full set of blue amber jewellery just because it was unusual and he thought she would like that. Elizabeth accepted each present with a bemused grace and sincerely thanked him and immediately modelled each one. It was when he produced the amber jewellery not a week after the first gift she laughed and pulled him down to the couch beside her for a kiss. “You took me quite literally didn’t you?” she said. “Though you may want to pace yourself – there will be nothing left in the shop by the time my birthday rolls around. And goodness knows what you will do at Christmas.”

James flushed and she kissed him. “I’m not scolding James,” Elizabeth assured him. “Everything you’ve picked has been lovely. I have never even seen amber like this before.” Then she rested her head against him and he relaxed into the couch letting her make herself comfortable, against him.

 

That night in bed – she came to him wearing the rose gold night rail and every bit of the blue amber jewellery – the necklace, earbobs and bracelet. “We have no event before you next sail.” Elizabeth sitting in his lap. “So I thought you might wish to appreciate these a little closer.”

James had not yet been able to bring himself to tell Elizabeth he would be sailing soon. He assumed he had Groves to thank for that bit of intelligence being shared.

“They look much more beautiful on you than they did on their own,” he told her staring up at her. She leant to kiss him and wriggled against him as her kisses roamed down his neck and he groaned and began to fuss with the hem of her night rail. “They might look even better,” James ventured very carefully. “If they were perhaps all you were wearing.” He hoped he did not offend with his request – she stripped him naked enough but had always retained her shift but had been happy to unfasten it or lift it.

Elizabeth nipped at his neck and seemed to be considering. “You are determined not to appreciate this nightgown,” she told him, her tone a mock scold but she pulled the nightgown over her head and he barely had a moment to appreciate the view – she was marked, of course, two marks James recognised as sword cuts on her shoulder. Fine lines traced her stomach where the child had grown, one upper arm was marked with ink though he could not see what it was. She was still more beautiful than he could ever have pictured in all his imaginings and he was entirely caught up in her even before she slipped herself onto him and began to slowly move.

James groaned and let his hands glide over her. She seemed a little shy though and when he tried to slide a hand from her hip around to her back to hold her close – something he had done several times – several dozen times in fact - when she was clothed she snatched his hand and moved it to her breast before speeding her movement. “Elizabeth, is this alright?” he asked concerned. He felt foolish for even asking about the nightgown now but he had been so sure she would not do anything she was uncomfortable with.

“I am more than alright,” Elizabeth told him bending down to kiss him and snatching his hands so he could do little more than watch as she took the lead – rocking against him until he could not take it anymore and arched under her. She slipped her nightgown back on before she moved off him and he knew he had made a mistake.

 

Elizabeth pre-empted him though turning into his arms. “My back is scarred,” she said flatly, “I don’t want you to see it or feel it. Or fret about it.”

James paused feeling foolish – he knew of course about that and he kissed her hair feeling foolish for not even thinking about that. But he had to tell her. “Elizabeth – I have seen it,” he confessed. “When we found you – your shirt – it must have been the same one they flogged you in – it was barely more than ribbons.” The wounds had been most of the way to being scars even then – it had not been a recent flogging and James had been more concerned by the jail fever. And the more recent bruises and the poor state of the rest of her clothing and what that implied. Elizabeth froze in his arms, her eyes wide and hurt and he was scared she would flee but instead, suddenly she held tighter.

“Oh,” Elizabeth said and James had rarely her heard her sound so insecure.

“I’m sorry,” James told her. “I did not mean to invade your privacy.” She was quiet for a long moment.

“As if I had any when you found me,” Elizabeth said eventually. “Sometimes I am glad of the fever – it means I don’t remember half of it. But I hate the scars. I hate that they left their mark.”

James can understand that. “I wish I had killed them when I found you,” he said. “Though I perhaps would not have been able to arrange as fitting an end as you managed.”

“Groves said he stopped you,” Elizabeth said. “But he will not tell me how.”

“He hit me on the head and knocked me out,” James said. “And claimed I hit my head on the ship in a temper.”

“He really is the most appalling liar,” Elizabeth said and he was relieved to hear the amusement in her voice. “He never makes the slightest effort to come up with anything realistic.” Then she lifted her head for a kiss. “Don’t fret James – it was just a bit of pride – that was all."

"You are still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” he told her. “Scars and all.”

“Oh as if you are objective,” she said. But she did sound pleased and she kissed him again before she slipped out of bed to remove the jewellery and then came back to sleep in his arms. She kissed his neck and whispered. "I promise that was the last secret I had.”

“I doubt that," James said. "You are a mystery to me you know,"

"Surely not anymore," she said cocking her head at him. "I am your wife now. How much mystery can there be?"

"Plenty," James assured her. "Thus far you have demanded I let my brother insult you, my subordinates duel you and the other week you came home with a sewing sampler. You are a mystery I will spend forever unravelling," he told her. Once again this made her smile and James felt as victorious as he would capturing any prize at sea.

 

James did not ask her to bare all again after that which only made her more determined – she came to bed naked and would strip entirely in front of him. The scars on her back were pale white lines now, rough under his hands. He did not make a fuss of them which seemed to be what she wanted. He still wished he had killed at least one of the men himself. On the morning, he was due to sail she was up before him and pacing.

“Is something amiss?” James asked. He would hate to have to leave her if she was agitated in some way – not that he had much choice.

“I wanted to ask you something,” Elizabeth said. “A favour. But I do not want you to take it the wrong way.” He noticed then he had an envelope in her hand. “It’s for Will,” she said. “I thought if there was a battle -one you win. You may encounter the _Dutchman,_ I know Jack saw him. And Barbossa. But I never did. Even when I was extremely bloodthirsty – no matter how many ships I sank, I never saw the _Dutchman_. Even the night he cured my fever, I’m still not sure it wasn’t a dream. But he deserves to know – about the baby. That’s all the letter is.”

“Of course,” James said. It was a reasonable request and he was a little touched by her attempts to reassure him. “And if he has a reply I will bring that too.”

“I doubt it,” Elizabeth said. “He has never replied before.”

 

* * *

 

Elizabeth came to see James off on the docks of course and after a brief entanglement with the other families there to see their men off, she managed to steer Miss Bellamy over with her to Groves delight. She left them alone together failing utterly as a chaperone and kissed James sweetly and told him to hurry home.

James did not dwell on the letter – once he might have but Elizabeth had been so open about its contents. She had not sealed it either. He was not tempted to read it. If she wanted to write love notes to Will Turner he was sure she would just say so.

They encounter the French twice but no Dutchman despite the casualties, it was only when they come across a flaming merchant ship at night. The pirates that have set the ship’s magazine alight have already fled but they do take on survivors. And then though he did not see the Dutchman, there was an eerie fog and ill wind and suddenly William Turner was on the deck of the Reliant, looking hesitant.

“Admiral Norrington,” he said. “May I have a word.” James nods and waves towards his quarters. Whatever he might think of Turner and how he abandoned Elizabeth – she would be dead without him. He was not sure he could bring himself to be grateful to the man, though. But it seems to be a moot point because of Turner’s first words to him the instant they are alone are sincere. “I wanted to thank you for saving Elizabeth. I could do nothing from the Dutchman.”

James thought that was a lie. Turner was bound to the ship but those who serve him are not. Jones never hesitated to send his minions off to do his bidding. But that was probably part of the reason why Jones looked as he did – Turner was not half man half cephalopod. Not yet anyway. Though James looked a little closer and finds there was a strange pale green tinge to Turner’s skin. “I wish I could have done something sooner,” he said quietly. “She has written you a note, in case I encountered you.” He proferred the letter but Turner hesitated – he was looking downright clammy now. Like fish that had gone off.

“It is better perhaps I do not take it,” Turner said. “She is your wife now and safer for it. It seems I could not manage care and devotion after all.”

“It is about your son,” James said and the words make him suddenly more sympathetic. Turner looked stricken and sat down hard in one of James’ chairs. He took the note.

“He is with her father now,” he said quietly and James felt awkward witnessing the man’s grief. and James surmised Elizabeth having the child buried at sea had the effect she wanted. Turner sighed heavily and James was mild horrified he seemed to have gills now that flared with his grief.

“Will you tell her I am so sorry,” Turner said suddenly. “I know it is not much – the Empress was at sea a week after she was captured – but no-one died. I did not know – not until it was too late. I know she thinks me callous for sticking to the ferryman’s duties but I would have – I would have made an exception.”

“Of course,” James said. If only because he thought, it would help Elizabeth to know Turner had not deliberately condemned her and their child to that cell. “And is the thought of rule breaking enough.” He waved at Turner’s neck – his understanding from his time on the Dutchman was that the grotesque changes came from not performing the duties.

“No,” Turner said. “But I have been remiss in my duties. There were some men who died at sea in Georgetown recently whom I have declined to shepherd to the next world. Nor do I intend to.”

Turner nodded to him then and vanished as quickly as he had arrived. James told himself it would be petty to think that everyone had gotten their revenge on Elizabeth’s attackers but him. The important thing was that she had been revenged.


	13. Reception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James receives some reassuring news while he is away.

James was at sea for nearly four months all told and when they received the post and order packet that sent them home from a passing merchant vessel, two letters from Elizabeth had been included. James had saved them until he was completely free of duty wanting to savour them. Elizabeth was not unaware of the perils of the post at sea and had dated the letters so he knew which to read first - they had been written quite close together shortly after he had left.

The first letter had been tales of Young Theo and the socialising she had done and it had been sweet and he’d smiled at reading it, picturing her voice as she was telling him the tale rather than writing. He nearly went so far as to save the other letter for the next day but in the end, he was glad he did not. It was not the same sort of letter at all.

_‘Dearest darling James,_

_I can almost see your face as you read that salutation, you will do that funny little half smile you do. The one when you are truly pleased but are worried about what I will think. You will make that face even though I am not there. And then you will read it again and worry just what I meant by those words. I meant what it said. You are dear to me and you are a darling to me and I am sorry I have not said so before._

_I cannot say I wish you did not fret over me. I can hardly complain of it. I have not given you much reason to either have confidence in my word or my health. But I promise I am being honest now. The first letter I sent was not entirely a pack of lies – Young Theo is as energetic as always and I have attended several parties. But I left out how miserable I am when you are not here. That wasn’t very fair of me._

_I miss you. Every day. And perhaps a little more at night. I do not think I have slept well since you sailed and the toddies I make myself are not nearly as effective as yours._

_On a related note – I am afraid there has been a small kitchen fire. No-one was hurt and only a pan was damaged – well that and a significant quantity of brandy. Cook has now barred me the kitchen on pain of her giving notice! So, I am drinking brandy straight at night which is not the same at all._

_I still walk to the fort every day and every day it is a disappointment that you are not there when I arrive._

_I am sure you are all over puzzlement now James about why I am telling you this in such a fashion and by letter. You are probably worrying over my mental state or my health or wondering if you should have left me alone._

_Stop that right now. I do not miss you because I am grieving and recovering. I do not miss you because you wake me from nightmares._

_I miss you for you. I miss the way you look at me. I miss that every kiss with you is like a first kiss because you are always so sweet. I miss you reading books aloud and scolding me for reading ahead. _

_I miss waking in your arms and persuading you to stay abed so you cannot worry over my tiredness until I have to get up at some ungodly hour. I miss your steadfastness. I miss your arms around me and your voice in my ear and the way you smile at only me._

_I think of something new to miss everyday James. I do not know why I did not see it before. I miss you because I love you._

_I love you._

_I thought that bore repeating in case you did not believe me._

_Je t'aime. Te amo. Wo ai ni. Amo Te. Ik hou van jou._

_And a few more times using all my language skills. Are Latin and Spanish really that close or have I got it wrong. You are not to scold if so. I do not need to speak Latin. I bet you can’t read Chinese even if you know what the above says._

_You have such a good heart James – sometimes I do not know why you gave it to me. But I am glad you did._

_And I put it in a letter because as soon as I realised it I had to tell you. I have learnt that life does not always give us opportunities we wish with our loved ones. And while I cannot bear the thought of losing you the idea that you might not know my heart is in your keeping now was intolerable._

_Now that I am done this letter seems slightly more scolding than I intended it to be so on that note I shall feel free to scold further. Do not fret about the sleepless nights and the fact I am miserable without you. It is worth it to feel the way I do when I am with you._

_All my love_

_Elizabeth Norrington.’_

 

It was the most bizarre yet wonderful letter James had ever received and he was buoyed beyond belief to be on the way home, eager to see his wife in person. To be able to tell her he loved her anytime he wanted without worrying such confessions were a burden when she could not return his feelings. To hear her actually say it. To take her in his arms and reassure her at night and do every tiny thing she had said she had missed.

 So, it was a shock to arrive home to not find Elizabeth on the docks. Or at home. There was instead another note dated a few days after the letter that meant so much to him.

_‘Dearest darling James,_

_I have secured passage on a fast ship to England for some urgent business which I will explain further on my return. I have taken my father’s pocket watch to be buried with my mother – she bought it for him as a wedding gift so it seems an appropriate choice. I hope to return before you but my return passage is not booked so I cannot guarantee it._

_But I can guarantee I am coming home to you. For you are my home now and I will be back as soon as I can._

_Please trust me._

_Your loving wife_

_Elizabeth.’_

And because she asked it of him. James supposed her had very little choice in the matter. He would trust her – she had surely earned that with her honest disarming letter.

But it was still a crushing disappointment that she was gone.


	14. Relations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth returns with a surprise for James.

James found himself at the docks for nearly every ship due from England that was likely to accept passengers. He could not bring himself to care if he seemed foolish. He was the Flag Admiral here – he had every reason to inspect the docks.

A fortnight after he arrived home this finally bore fruit. He had gotten up at dawn to meet a merchantman called the _Ariel_. The Captain travelled with his wife aboard, welcomed passengers including women and that along with the name seemed a good omen to James. The _Ariel_ always docked early and besides James was not sleeping well himself of late.

And he was finally rewarded when he saw the flash of sun on a blonde head by the prow of the ship and then Elizabeth waved brightly to him and blew him a kiss. She was then shooed off the deck by an impatient sailor. James had been immeasurably pleased to see her and was only further excited by how pleased she had seemed to see him.

 

It seemed an age before the Ariel docked and began to discharge its passengers onto the docks and James tried not to glare at everyone who disembarked before Elizabeth. He had rather assumed she would be first off – because she would want to be and because she had a knack for getting her own way. Yet when she did make her way down the gangplank it was immediately apparent why she was delayed. She was not alone.

There was a child younger than Theo Gillette clutched tight in one arm – sleeping against her shoulder and clinging to her other hand was another child. This one visibly a girl who looked vaguely familiar to him. James could not have guessed her age accurately – he had very limited exposure to children given how recently he had surrendered his bachelor status.  She was perhaps four or five and seemed very attached to Elizabeth and when he smiled at her she clung to Elizabeth’s skirts. Despite the children Elizabeth leant in to kiss him, her face lit with happiness and she was careful not to dislodge the sleeping infant. It was almost enough to make him forget his confusion.

 

“It is so good to be home,” she said. “Here, take Freddie.” She transferred the infant into his arms and James panicked for a brief moment before the boy settled against him and slept on unperturbed. “He can sleep through anything thankfully,” Elizabeth said. Having thrust one child on him, she turned her attention to the other and scooped up the girl who hid her face. “None of that Althea,” Elizabeth coaxed. “Uncle James is very pleased to meet you.”

Althea. That was a name James recognised. Archibald’s youngest daughter was called that and her younger full brother was Alfred. As if it was not enough that Archibald had named his eldest son after himself he had further insisted that each of his children share his initials in tribute to himself. Clearly, Uncle James was not a courtesy title he was being granted. This was his niece and nephew so he did know their ages, Althea was seven and Alfred at least five years her junior James thought. He had noted their names and date of births in the family bible his mother had sent him along with all of his other nieces and nephews. They were both undersized for their ages surely - though James was no judge and he could not help himself.

“Elizabeth does my brother know you have his children?” he asked and Althea flinched away from him which made him feel awful. “Not that I am not very pleased to meet you, Althea,” he said trying to be reassuring. This made the little girl blink at him and Elizabeth rubbed her back soothingly and she eventually ventured.

“Thank you, Uncle.” She said it in the smallest most unsure voice and James worried all over again over just what had led the children to Port Royal.

Elizabeth kissed Althea’s hair. “I promise you will like it here very much Althea.” This at least was slightly more convincing it seemed and Althea clung slightly less though she still seemed quite wary of him.

 

They got home without James being able to ask again if Archibald was aware of the location of his youngest offspring as he wanted so desperately to know. He could not help but picture Elizabeth taking it upon herself to relieve his feckless brother of offspring that he no doubt neglected without consulting anyone. But that only led to the conclusion that there would be further threatening letters, which he did not care about, and allegations of kidnapping, which he did. But with Althea watching him wide-eyed and nervous and clung like a limpet to Elizabeth as if scared she might vanish he did not dare. If he so much as looked in her direction, even to smile, she tried to climb into Elizabeth’s lap fretfully. Elizabeth had taken Freddie off him the instant his hastily hired carriage (he had assumed Elizabeth would want to walk home and have her luggage sent on,) had stopped. She seemed entirely comfortable with him and Althea hurried after her aunt and brother without a backwards glance at him.

“I can watch Freddie, Auntie,” Althea was saying tremulously to Elizabeth when he stepped through the door. “Then we won’t be underfoot.”

“Althea, dear don’t be silly, what have I told you?” Elizabeth said gently.

Althea shuffled her feet, before reluctantly responding. “I am not a nursemaid,” she said quietly with another wary glance at James.

“No,” Elizabeth said. “You are our charge now, and Uncle and I are going to look after you.” She bent and kissed Althea’s dark hair and James saw a flicker of relief on the small face before she hid her feelings again. Just _how_ had his brother been running his household?

 

Elizabeth put Freddie down on the parlour settee surrounded him with cushions and tucked him into the makeshift bed. James was instructed to watch him while she took Althea off to choose a bed chamber to use while the nursery was made ready.

James watched Freddie nearly as warily as Althea had watched him. He hoped he didn’t frighten the baby as much as he did Althea – though he did not know why. Surely he was not so imposing. He could not see any of Archie in the small face though Althea did look like his sister – it was why she had seemed familiar. Though Claire had never seemed so uncertain around him when they were children – that had been how she had looked at his brothers.

 

When Elizabeth reappeared, she was alone. “Althea is napping,” she said. “Poor thing is exhausted. She is a bundle of nerves.”

“Elizabeth,” James said exasperatedly. “Why are they here?” He had not meant to be so blunt – it just slipped out.

“Your brother is the worst father in the history of the world,” she said hotly yet not sounding as sure as she normally did.

This only made James more sure Archibald had no idea where his children were and more panicked. If Elizabeth was arrested for kidnapping – he could make some excuse perhaps based on her loss but no doctor could call Elizabeth mad based on meeting her and she would not lower herself to pretend and bedlam was hardly an improvement on prison. “Of that, I have no doubt,” he said with no further information. “But.”

“I have been goading him for months,” Elizabeth interrupted which baffled him slightly and he wondered if instead of asking if Archibald knew where his children were if he should check if his brother still lived. “Scolding him for gambling, asking after his children, insulting him for not being a good provider. It mainly garnered insults. Until finally a couple of months ago, he wrote that if I had any decency and would not give him money, I might at least take one of them off his hands. That as the richer relative it was my Christian duty. He said I could have the pick of any of them but the new baby as his current wife is rather attached to that one.”

Her disgust at his brother was clear and he was stunned himself. Both at his brother’s shameful behaviour and that Elizabeth’s dreadful correspondence with his brother had any purpose. Beyond allowing her to use the language she had learned at sea and had no need of in society.

 

“I know it must seem awful,” Elizabeth said suddenly. “tricking someone into giving up a child. But honestly James – he does not give a fig for them. His wife only cares for her own. His children by his first wife have their mother’s mother to fuss over them – the ones he has not foisted off on his own relatives. But no-one cared for these two at all. Their mother was an orphan and he had spent all of her money before she passed having Freddie and he ignored them entirely. Even their nurse was shocking – Althea has been caring for Freddie since she was tiny.” Elizabeth closed her eyes a moment. “God James her face – when Archie told her one of them was to go and live with me. She was so stricken. Then she screwed up her courage and told me Freddie was a very good boy. Not because she didn’t want to go – but she put him first.”

Elizabeth was shaking a little now in anger at the very memory and he felt a swell of pity for his young niece. He had never really considered Archibald would be truly neglectful to his own children. James had always taken his pleading poverty as an exaggeration to extort money for himself. “I told her that her father was mistaken,” Elizabeth continued quietly. “That they were both coming to live with me and with you of course.” She took a breath. “Archie gave me such a look. I think he realised he had not entirely tricked me into being charitable by then. And Althea was crying and saying thank you and he didn’t even look at her. He just said. ‘Well if you are taking the girl, James can damn well dower her.’ Then he left the nursery and left me to comfort her.”

James swallowed hard – he did not know what to say to that. Did not know how to apologise for how awful his brother was.  And, of course, now he knew why Althea was so nervous of him. He looked like her father – who had treated her appallingly. Elizabeth misread his silence.

 

“Are you angry?” she asked. “I know I said no more secrets. And I should have told you. But I did not dare say it. As if that would make it go wrong. I did not want to count on it happening until I had managed it and I knew you would be such a good father.”

James still did not have words – and he only managed to respond when he realised he was upsetting Elizabeth. “I am not angry,” he confirmed. “Well,” he corrected. “Not with you anyway. I am relieved.”

This last had her confused. “Relieved?” she said.

“Relieved,” he confirmed. “I did not think it was possible you could meet Archibald and not do him physical harm. When you said who the children were I thought you had run him through and kidnapped them.”

“Well,” Elizabeth said not trying to hide a smile. “That might have been my backup plan. But I do mean to curtail my law breaking now James. And besides,” she added. “I can reassure Althea now but I think if that had been our introduction, she would be even worse off poor thing. I have told her a hundred times she will never have to go back.”

 

James nodded. Of course, it would not be that simple. Now every time Archibald wanted money, he would threaten to take the children back. James would just have to pay him.  Obviously, the idea of them returning to their father’s care was absurd.

But Elizabeth had thought of that too. She handed him a sheaf of papers. “I almost forgot,” she said. “These are all in your name.” James flicked through them and winced at the amounts on the pile of gambling debts she had bought up.

“In case he wants the children back,” he said understanding her purpose though he was confused at just how she had bought up this debt.

“No,” Elizabeth corrected. “If he actually wanted his children – that would be a good thing. Those are in case he tries to use his children for extortion.”

“But how did you afford this?” James said – he was appalled at the amount of debt his brother had built up. Elizabeth’s allowance was generous and she rarely spent it all but that did not add up to this amount of money.

“James,” Elizabeth said in a tone of mild reprove. “You don’t think I captained a pirate ship for over a half a year and didn’t have some resources put aside.”

 

This at least made him smile even if he should disapprove. “A good use for ill-gotten gains,” he said. And then he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. “I missed you,” he said. “Your letter – it was a wonderful surprise.”

Elizabeth smiled at him. “Well, I appear to be quite expert at those.” She held tightly to him. “I meant every word. I love you, James. So much.”

James was unprepared for how much it would hit him to hear her say it no matter how many times he had read her letter.

But there was a small squawk from the makeshift bed as his nephew finally woke from his nap, it had become a full-fledged wail by the time Elizabeth scooped him up and settled him in her arms. “Well, hello,” she said smoothing his hair and bouncing him. “Look, Freddie – come and meet Uncle James.” James crouched to greet the baby who watched him and reached for the buttons on his uniform fascinated.

James had never thought he would be glad to be related to Archibald but at least something good had come from his wastrel brother.

 

 


	15. Responsible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Elizabeth settle into parenthood.

It was an odd week for James as he watched Elizabeth organise the children, prepare the nursery and arrange for the necessary staff with an efficiency that would have impressed any Navy board and she most did it with Freddie in her arms and Althea shadowing her every move.

There had been several interviews but Elizabeth had not yet found a nurse she trusted with the children and until she had she told him she would be staying in the nursery each night. She had told him in hushed tones that Althea would take it upon herself to act as nursemaid if there was not someone there to look after Freddie. James missed her but understood. She had kissed him fiercely and promised that she would demonstrate all the feeling she had put in her letter as soon as she could. James had waited this long – he could wait a little longer and in the meantime whenever they were alone, which while admittedly not often, he was free to remind Elizabeth he loved her and hear her return the sentiment eagerly.

 

The nights were admittedly the hardest – though he did understand. He had not realised how used he had been to having her in his arms. Each night she would settle Freddie in his cradle, and then put Althea to bed with a story. When they were asleep then she would find him and bid him goodnight – while making it very clear she missed him too, before sleeping in the bed intended for the nurse.

James woke often to the sound of her pacing the hall with Freddie in her arms, snuffling inconsolably. Sometimes Althea would be pacing after her doggedly offering to look after Freddie or offering advice. He even found himself leaving the door open a crack so he could watch them.

One night Elizabeth caught him watching and seized a chance.

“James, could you take Althea back to the nursery? I think she would like it very much if you read her a story.” James did not mind at all but he could not say the same for Althea who did not look like she would like it very much at all. She looked horrified at the very idea but of course she went. Althea did not have it in her to disobey – she clearly was not used to being listened to. She began to trudge back along to the nursery disconsolately as he pulled on his morning coat. Elizabeth kissed his cheek still bouncing the fussing baby.

“It is not you,” Elizabeth reminded him. “I had to win her trust too – she will love you when she realises she can trust you.” James hoped so.

 

Althea was a tiny lump curled up under her covers when James got to the nursery, her whole body shaking with sobs. James’ heart sank and he had no idea what to do (apart from call for Elizabeth at once,) but he could not make her manage everything and he reached out gingerly to rub her back like he had seen Elizabeth do. It only made her flinch and James felt entirely helpless. He had only felt more so when he thought Elizabeth was dying.

“Althea,” he said carefully. “I would like very much to read you a story. Very much. But I can fetch your aunt if you prefer?” James was certainly capable of walking Freddie up and down the hall. The baby preferred Elizabeth perhaps but he was content to be held by James.

Althea peered out of her nest of blankets at him, blinking her tear filled eyes.

“Do you really want to tell me a story?” she said suspiciously.

“Yes,” James said honestly. “I do. I’m very fond of stories.” He thought about saying he was very fond of her but he did not want to push too much. “Do you have a favourite story book?”

“I don’t want that kind of story,” Althea said instantly. “I want a proper story like Aunt Beth tells.” The diminutive made him smile because he had never known Elizabeth submit to such a thing – well with one notable exception. And he was not so ignorant about children that he did not know he was being tested.

“Alright,” he said. “What kind of story does Aunt Beth tell?” He could not claim to be as good a storyteller as Elizabeth but he would try.

“Real ones,” Althea said. “Not fairy tales.”

 

James hesitated and then considered. “Would you like to hear about when I met Aunt Beth?” he asked. He knew very little of Althea’s tastes – all he did know was that she was very attached to Elizabeth.

“Yes,” Althea said coming further out of the cocoon of blankets and sitting up looking intrigued. It occurred to James he was supposed to calm her somehow with stories – though he was not sure what stories Elizabeth told that were calming.

“It was thirteen years ago,” James began. “Your aunt was twelve and she was coming to Port Royal with her father – he had just been made Governor here and –“

“What about her mother?” Althea piped up and James’ felt awful. “Was she coming too?”

“No,” James said carefully. “I’m afraid her mother had passed by then.”

“My mother passed too,” Althea said. “But she left me Freddie – that’s why I have to look after him.” She looked at him earnestly. “I don’t mind Uncle. He’s a good boy. And it’s so much nicer here – I would like to stay.”

 

James reached for her small hand cautiously and she let him take it. “It is, of course, the duty of an older sibling to look out for the younger,” he said. “If your Aunt Claire were here she would be happy to tell you how she fussed over me when we were small. But you do not have to look _after_ Freddie.”

Althea was stubborn and changed the subject.

“Aunt Claire is nice,” Althea said. “Amelia lives with her but sometimes she visits. She brought me sweets once and said once that when she is out and has a husband, Aunt Claire might take me too but she won’t want Freddie because she has her own boys so that was no good but she might take me still if you only want Freddie.”

James closed his eyes – Amelia was all of thirteen herself. Archibald could not have let his mother or sister know how bad things were – surely they would have taken all the children.

“Althea we want you both,” James said. “And you do not have to look after Freddie to stay,” he said. “Your aunt and I are going to look after you both. Forever.”

Althea seemed to consider this and she did not look as sceptical as she had. “Alright,” she said. “Were you already in Port Royal?”

 

“Pardon,” said James, not understanding the change of subject. Althea gave him an impatient look that was somehow very reminiscent of Elizabeth at twelve. “In the story. Were you already in Port Royal?”

“Oh,” James said, “No I came on the ship with them – I was the first lieutenant then and assigned to the ship that brought them here.”

“Now you are an Admiral,” Althea said knowingly.

“Yes,” James confirmed, “I am.”

“Father says the military is just work poshed up,” she added almost unthinkingly. “So if he doesn’t like it must be quite good.” James could not argue with that even if he wondered if he should. It seemed irresponsible to let her speak disrespectfully of her father but he could not bring himself to argue in Archibald’s favour. “Perhaps that means you could use your influence for Freddie,” Althea continued. “When he is older. I liked the ship on the way here and I’m sure he would too.” James blinked. “Father hasn’t settled anything on us,” she explained. “But I do not need anything if Freddie is set up and.”

“Althea,” James said lost all over again. “If your brother wants to join the Navy when he is older then, of course, I would use my influence for him. If he wants to join the army I will buy him a commission. Whatever career he wants your Aunt and I will support. And we will see to your settlement too. We will take care of everything.”

Althea was clearly still thinking and while James was put in mind of Elizabeth at twelve. He had thought her precocious but Althea was something else. But Elizabeth had been that way naturally and Althea had been forced to it by his brother’s neglect.

“Alright,” she said her small voice set. But she seemed a little more relaxed - as if she had got answers to questions she had been waiting to ask. “But you will have to tell me the rest of the story tomorrow,” she said, “I’m very tired.”

James nodded and then he dared to reach out and smooth her dark hair the way Elizabeth soothed her and she let him which seemed like progress. Then he tucked her back into her bed. “Sweet dreams, Althea,” he said quietly.

“Good night uncle,” she said sleepily.

James sat on the nurse's bed until Althea was asleep and then went in search of Elizabeth.

 

She was sat on their bed with a sleeping Freddie on her shoulder and he blinked. “I did not want to interrupt,” she said. “That seemed a rather involved conversation.”

“I want to get on the first ship to England and throttle my brother,” James said. “Dear god – how could he?”

“I know that feeling,” Elizabeth said. “You see how restrained I was.”

“Indeed,” James said sitting beside her.

“I had no idea she worried about that sort of thing,” Elizabeth said. “From what she has been telling me she spent most of her days in England trying to make sure Freddie was kept clean and dry and fussing to get their laundry done.” She shook her head. “As soon as we have a nurse I can leave Freddie with I am going to take her to town and spoil her rotten. She has not a single toy or book or her own and her clothes are nearly outgrown too. I should have taken her shopping in London but I was eager to be away before your brother got ideas.”

 

“I can watch Freddie,” James said a little indignant. Indeed, he was much more confident with him given the small amount of practice he had with Young Theo – Freddie was much easier to corral as he could manage only a few steps on his own at eighteen months old. “I will take leave from the Fort and you can take her to town tomorrow.”

“Alright,” Elizabeth said sounding relieved. “But I should put this one down before he wakes and demands another circuit of the house.”

She leant into to kiss James regardless, though. “And it is not just spoiling them that makes me want to find a decent nurse,” she added whispering in his ear. “Sleep well, darling.”

James did not think he would sleep at all caught up in mental images of what he thought she meant by that. 


	16. Replete

James had gone to the fort to appoint a deputy in the morning and bring back a pile of paperwork.  Elizabeth had been with the children in the nursery. Breakfast time was always slightly hectic and when he returned she was still spooning porridge into Freddie while Althea was picking at some poached eggs and toast. “Would you prefer porridge?” Elizabeth asked her.

“Why doesn’t Freddie have this?” Althea asked concern in her voice. “I can have porridge instead.”

“Freddie can’t manage toast,” Elizabeth said. “But tomorrow you shall both have buttered eggs – how about that.” That seemed to settle Althea, whose constant monitoring of just how her brother was treated made James’ jaw tighten and wish he could deal his brother just what he deserved.

And it made him worry more. Surely they had at least been fed properly. His brother was not that hard up. But now he could not help but wonder about that. They were both so undersized. And should Freddie be able to manage toast – he seemed content with his porridge but why would Althea seem so baffled to have something as simple as eggs and toast for breakfast. Surely that was a common enough thing even for children in the nursery.

 

It was when Althea had gone to fetch her coat – insisting she could do it herself, that he managed to ask Elizabeth. “Should Freddie be able to have toast,” he said.

Elizabeth seemed reluctant to answer but she eventually did. “Yes,” she said. “But a lot of his teeth haven’t come in yet – he was small when he was born apparently and slow to grow and only nursed for a year before being put on porridge. None of that is good. And I don’t think they had a very varied diet.”

Althea came back then, her small coat set on her shoulders but not fastened. James realised to his horror it probably would not fasten.

 

“Can I carry Freddie?” Althea piped up holding her hands up for the baby.

“Freddie is staying here with Uncle,” Elizabeth told her. “It’s just you and I are going to town Althea.”

Althea immediately did not like that. “Why,” she said cautiously. “Why isn’t Freddie going. I don’t want new things if Freddie doesn’t get them too.”

“You and I are going to pick new things for Freddie,” Elizabeth said glossing over the incipient tantrum, with an aplomb James envied. “He’s too young for the shops and too small to need to be measured.”

“But he gets new things too.” Althea insisted.

“Toys and book and clothes,” Elizabeth agreed and Althea held tightly to her leg and muttered a small thank you that finally seemed to shift Elizabeth’s composure for a brief moment before she got back under control. She handed Freddie to James, kissed the baby’s hair and James’ cheek and persuaded Althea to release her leg and take her hand. James carried Freddie to the door and waved them off and took him in the drawing room.

 

James’ day with Freddie did not go as planned. As content as Freddie had been with him previously this had always been with either Elizabeth or Althea present and James had perhaps not reckoned on just how aware of their presence Freddie was.  When Freddie had squirmed in his arms James had set him down the way Elizabeth did and offered his hands for Freddie to grip as he took his unsteady steps. Instead, Freddie had sat down hard on his bottom and began to cry.

James immediately picked him up. Freddie’s cries only got louder and he kicked as well as squirmed. James considered putting him down again but that had started this so he rubbed his back and paced back and forth as he had seen Elizabeth do. This did bring the volume down slightly but Freddie still snuffled miserably beating his small feet against James’ torso and rubbing at his eyes with his small fist.

“There, there, Freddie,” James said helplessly. “It’s not so bad.” Freddie remained unconvinced perfectly capable of keeping up his inconsolable crying for some time and it increased in volume if James stood still for a moment. After an hour or so of pacing, Freddie had a new source of distress that was clear from the smell but when James asked a maid for the location of a clean napkin, Freddie was whisked away and changed for him. Elizabeth’s trust apparently only went so far though James could not claim a great desire to deal with that. When Freddie was returned to him – perhaps a little calmer.

 

James set Freddie down on the sofa on the off chance it was him or being on the floor, that was the source of his upset. Freddie did quiet then and burbled happily and James was pleased with himself. Until Freddie then shuffled himself on his bottom to the edge of the furniture and made a convincing attempt to fling himself at the floor that James only barely prevented. Stopping this caused an outbreak of outraged howling that took some time to pass while James attempted to reason with his nephew feeling foolish.

When the crying calmed, it seemed like Freddie quite enjoyed being talked to – beyond attempts to calm him and James found himself reading to the boy. As he had not dared take him to the nursery to find a storybook (if there even was one,) James had never actually read to Althea given her demand for a real story and given the state of their other belongings, there might not be any. But Freddie seemed just as happy to listen to the reports from the fort James had brought home for himself to read. For a good ten minutes. Then he wanted the reports and James was forced to hold them out of reach which set Freddie crying again.

After a long period of contemplation, James offered Freddie some blank sheets of paper which he delighted in scrunching and throwing to the floor and this kept him entertained until the maid told him that it was time for Freddie’s lunch and that Mrs Norrington had instructed her to feed him. Feeling conscious of how little he actually seemed to have done this far – apart from making Freddie cry, James assured her he could manage himself.

 

Freddie’s lunch was a ceramic feeder full of pap that had an odd orange colour to it – the addition of strained carrots to the milk and bread made it look very odd. It was on Elizabeth’s instructions apparently.  Freddie showed every evidence of enjoying it. What he ate anyway – James had long since lost both his jacket and wig in aid of appearing informal for his nephew which was just as well his shirt now had several vivid orange smears on it and he had the carroty mix in his hair too. Freddie was similarly outfitted and James pondered just how to go about cleaning him up. But then he heard the sound of the door and Elizabeth’s voice and he knew he would not get Freddie sufficiently clean before they descended. So, he admitted defeat on that score, wiped at Freddie’s hands and mouth and took him downstairs.

Elizabeth and Althea were still in the hall, Althea had a new coat on – an entirely new outfit in fact and a doll clutched in her arms – she looked delighted and Elizabeth looked smug and James was thrilled with both outcomes. Then they glanced up at him and Elizabeth burst out laughing. This normally would have made James’ day – he loved to see Elizabeth laugh but Althea’s face dropped and she looked between her aunt and her brother not sure what upset her more.

“Don’t!” she told Elizabeth urgently and then rushed forward. “I’m sorry Uncle. Freddie didn’t mean it.” Elizabeth’s laughter vanished and she pulled Althea into her arms.

“Of course he didn’t,” she soothed. “Uncle James isn’t cross, Althea.” She looked up at him and James hurried down.

“Not at all,” James said, wondering if he would ever stop putting a foot wrong with Althea. “It was probably my fault – I have never fed a baby before.”

“You clearly haven’t washed one either,” Elizabeth said looking over where he had rubbed the pap into Freddie’s face.

“Quite,” James agreed with a smile. He crouched down to Althea’s height. “I’m not cross Althea. Not one bit.”

 

Althea now just seemed confused. “All right,” she said, then made a face at Freddie to make him laugh. “Can Freddie have something new to wear now too,” she said.

“Of course,” Elizabeth said. “Why don’t you wait in the parlour and I’ll wash Freddie and get him changed while Uncle James washes up.”

Althea nodded, looking between them then clutching the doll tightly, retreated.

 

Elizabeth and the children seemed quite settled by the time he returned – perhaps the orange muck was easier to get out of someone else’s hair as James had struggled. Althea had set aside the doll and was holding her younger brother – they both had new clothing on now - while Elizabeth talked to her quietly and reassuringly.

James felt a little hesitant coming into the room and Althea watched him and held tightly to Freddie. He knelt down in front of them and chucked Freddie under the chin. “That’s a very lovely dress, Althea,” he said. “And Freddie looks very smart too. Did you have a nice time in town?”

Althea looked to Elizabeth. “I had to stand and be measured,” she ventured. “So the clothes could be made just for me! And they made this dress for me while we were shopping and they are making four more!”

“Is that all,” James said with a frown, looking to Elizabeth. “That doesn’t seem much of a wardrobe.” Althea’s eyes widened and she looked to Elizabeth.

“Oh they had hardly any decent material,” Elizabeth said. “So these will be rather plain. We’ll go back next week – they have promised me some decent silks in nice shades for Althea to pick from.”

“Much better,” said James which only seemed to confuse Althea further.

Elizabeth took Freddie out of Althea’s arms. “Do you want to go and fetch your surprise for Freddie?” she suggested and Althea pelted out of the room at top speed.

 

James cannot help himself but before he could ask anything, Elizabeth anticipates him. “She had never been fitted before – her clothing was all hand me downs. And I only got her five gowns because she was close to melting down in the shop panicking about that much money being spent on her.”

This did not cheer him at all. “Do you think I should address it with her.” He said finally. “Tell her that I am not going to act like her father – I know I must look like him and she is young and it’s confusing.”

“You don’t look like Father at all,” Althea said indignantly from the doorway and James jumped. Of course, she had only had to run to the nursery and back. “He is much fatter and he has a red nose and he always looks cross unless he is in his cups when he laughs and laughs but no-one is allowed to laugh at him.”

“Oh,” said James, hating that she had heard that. Elizabeth seemed to be struggling to suppress her amusement at Althea’s description of her father.

Althea looked down her nose at him. “It’s a lot to get used to you know,” she said and James felt dreadful.

“I know,” he said. “I’m very sorry. I should not have spoken about you behind your back. I just want very much for you to be at home here Althea.”

Althea considered that for a moment and then tentatively as if pushing her luck “well can I have more toys and books as well as dresses,” she asked as if sure this would be the final straw.

“Of course,” James said. “You have a whole nursery to fill. And when it is suitably stocked you will have your own allowance so you can buy sweets or toys or books every week.”

Althea looked at Elizabeth and then back to James. “And Freddie?”

“When he is old enough,” Elizabeth said before James could agree at once. “He will have an allowance and until then Uncle and I shall make sure he has everything he needs. But don’t you have something for Freddie.”

“Yes,” Althea said shyly. She pulled it from behind her back and James gave Elizabeth a look. It was a rag doll in a Navy coat and hat with fancy gold braid. “Look Freddie. It is a naval captain.” Freddie seized it at once and began to chew on the hat.

Then she surprised James by clambering into his lap and sitting politely. “The navy is much better than the army Uncle James,” she said. “Aunt Beth and I both agree.” It seemed Freddie was to also be persuaded.

Elizabeth attempted to look innocent as she dissuaded Freddie from sucking on his new toy.

“Indeed,” James said. “Well, I shall not argue on that score though Freddie will get to choose for himself when he is grown.”

“Of course,” said Althea while shyly showing off her own new doll which he complimented handsomely. It was quite clear from her tone that she felt she would have quite influenced Freddie into making the correct choice by the time it was relevant.

 

* * *

A week later Elizabeth finally found a nurse she liked, an older woman who seemed warmly maternal instead of sternly organised and she seemed happy to fuss dreadfully over Freddie and Althea.

Althea did not seem so sure but Elizabeth sat her down and made it quite clear if the nurse so much as said boo to them she was to tell Elizabeth at once. And that would be that.

Althea agreed and did not seem to mind the nurse though she preferred Elizabeth. Freddie accepted her easily enough which James felt was a slight condemnation of his skills. This made Elizabeth laugh and tease him that perhaps someone with twenty years’ experience caring for children might be slightly better than him on his first attempt. And it meant Elizabeth could reluctantly return to socialising, most days on the days she had no invite nurse had very little to do.

The first night, the nurse was due to take Elizabeth’s place in the nursery, James tried to hide how eager he was especially because Elizabeth was anxious about leaving the children in someone else’s care, which she was trying to hide. She fussed all day finding reasons to go to the nursery and Althea at least was reassured by these repeated visits. That night she came to his room and kissed him. She was wearing a new night rail of cream silk and her hair was loose. If she had not come to him he might have done nothing but stare. Her beauty still had the power to strike him dumb.  “My poor dearest darling,” she said, tilting her face to his. “So patient.”

 

James drew her into his arms. “For you always,” he said kissing her hair. “I love you, Elizabeth.”

“And I love you,” Elizabeth said. “I truly have no more surprises now.”

“I do not believe that for one second,” James told her. “But I would not want to Elizabeth, you are free to surprise me whenever you want.”

“James,” Elizabeth said thoughtfully. “That is almost a challenge.”

“Only almost?” he said and he scooped her off her feet and carried her to the bed. “I will have to be more explicit.”

 

Elizabeth laughed and the instant he set her down on the bed she tugged him down atop her, leaning up to kiss him and pulling off his nightshirt.

“Well I hope it is not a surprise how much I want you,” Elizabeth said. And then she guided his hand to her hem and he could not help but take the hint and help her out of the gown pretty as it was.

She sighed softly as his hand skimmed down to her hip over the smooth skin and his mouth found hers. He wanted to touch her everywhere and he urged her to completion with a hand between her legs and his mouth on her breasts while she pleaded with him to have her. When she was lying there replete after she smiled up at him. “I should scold you for not listening,” she said. “But I do not have the heart.”

“I _was_ listening,” James assured – he could not stop touching her. “I promise.” He slid inside her slowly and carefully wanting to savour every moment. Elizabeth arched underneath him and wrapped her legs around him.

“James,” she whimpered. “Oh. Just like that, _please_ ,” He had caught her when she was most sensitive and every thrust seemed to have her pleading, small breathy exclamations in his ear that along with the feel of her, had him on edge almost immediately.

When she cried his name her head thrown back, he finally could let his self-control go and he quickened his pace, he breath ragged and he breathed her name against his skin as he was overcome by her entirely.

 

They lay together afterwards, naked and breathless and content. “I love you,” Elizabeth said again resting in his arms. “You should stop looking so surprised every time I say it though.”

“That is not surprise,” James told her honestly. “It is wonder.” There had been a time – admittedly a brief one - when he had been very sure that once they were wed, Elizabeth would share his feelings. It had seemed such a perfect match. Once he had been disabused of that notion he had never thought he would be anything to her. Then when this marriage had happened he had hoped only to make her content in whatever way he could.

“Oh darling,” Elizabeth said. “If either of us should be filled with wonder at being loved surely it is me.”

James kissed her hair. “We will just have to be filled with wonder together,” he said. Elizabeth laughed and agreed and then insisted on them finding their nightclothes – Althea had been told she could come to them instead of the nurse if she felt it necessary so they did not want to scandalise her if it should come to that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historical note – pap was an 18th-century baby food that was made of flour(!) or bread soaked in milk, water, meat broth or beer! It was really unhealthy but there weren’t a lot of options hence Lizzy’s slightly healthier version which I am handwaving. She’s just trying to give the kids some variety which has worked out for the best.


	17. Requited

James was woken twice by Elizabeth that night. Once in the middle of the night when she slipped atop him leant to kiss him and then rode him to completion and again before dawn when she woke him with the use of her mouth. That time it was his turn to plead and when he was spent she slipped up beside him and told him in a smug tone. “I was listening.” He pressed her to the mattress and kissed down her body to return the favour.

Elizabeth blinked at him watching him progress down her body - James had never done this for her though he had wanted to for an age. When they had first shared a bed, he had done exactly as she said, not daring to vary from what she had shown him she liked. And every time she had made it clear more was welcome that had always distracted him entirely.  But now she loved him and he was sure she would welcome this. Or if that she didn’t it would not set them back entirely. She would just say so and he would offer her relief in whatever fashion she wished.

 

Elizabeth’s breath hitched when his lips found her inner thigh and she sighed softly when his tongue spread her wide and sobbed with pleasure when his attention became too much. When he reached to touch her after her she seized his hands. “Don’t you dare,” she breathed, with a shiver. “James – that was – there are no words. I need a moment!”

“Says the woman who has been doing that to me for months,” James said a little smugly, there was nothing he liked more than seeing her pleased but it was a fair point, she thought nothing of driving him crazy with her mouth again and again.

“I did not know,” Elizabeth admitted.  She curled into his arms, he ran his hand up her spine and she shivered again. “Is it really that intense for you?”

“It is with you,” James told her. Though everything was with her. She was so utterly perfect and he felt another swell of love and sheer joy that she loved him.

 

James thought he was probably grinning like a fool which was confirmed when Elizabeth propped herself up and brushed one finger over his lips.

“There it is,” Elizabeth said, “I never knew you could smile so much,” it clearly delighted her which reassured him for a moment until he thought of something else.

“I don’t normally look cross do I?” he said. Elizabeth seemed puzzled for a moment then it dawned on her.

“No,” Elizabeth said. “You are merely serious James. And even when you are cross you do not resemble Archibald,” Elizabeth made a face at him. “The very idea! Althea was quite right,” she carried on. “Whatever family resemblance there once was, your brother has six stone on you at least and a drinker’s nose and a fixed ugly expression. You look nothing like him. Thankfully,” she said brushing a brief kiss to his cheek. “You are my very handsome husband.”

 

* * *

It was foolish for James to be relieved that Althea was nervous of other men, but the first time Lt. Groves called after the children’s arrival, Althea nearly hid behind Elizabeth’s skirts as Elizabeth made an introduction, James relaxed a little that it was not just him she was unsure of.

Groves was not at all dissuaded from trying to greet Althea, he made a leg and told her sincerely what a lovely young lady she was. Well as sincere as he could be when he could barely make out her neatly braided hair. Elizabeth encouraged Althea out from her skirts where she curtsied and managed a quiet thank you.

Then Elizabeth informed him Althea would be spending the afternoon her Uncle with she while duelled with Groves in the garden. Childcare had not left Elizabeth much time for her practice which James had felt guiltily happy about. He had a horror of Althea catching him duelling her aunt and assuming he was violent.

 

Althea seemed to accept this plan for the afternoon, easily enough – she looked at him a little wide-eyed then but took his hand when he offered her it. It seemed she was prepared, though. Laid out on the table in the parlour were a book, a doll and a pack of cards. “You do not need to watch me, Uncle,” she said carefully. “See.”

“A pack of cards is not much fun on your own,” James pointed out, trying not to be overly demanding. Elizabeth had told him repeatedly Althea was doing better and he could see it was true – she had not seemed frightened of him of late. But she did seem to think she must not inconvenience him at all.

“I play patience,” Althea told him earnestly. “And clocks too and I have my book.”

“I see,” James said. “Well, it does sound as if your afternoon is all planned. Are you completely set on patience or might I play too?”

 

Althea looked very hesitant then and James wondered if he should have let her be. After a long moment, she admitted. “I don’t have anything to play for, Uncle. Only some sweets Aunt Beth got me in town and I would like to keep them.”

James managed not to say something unflattering about his brother and that house.  That Althea could not conceive of a game without it having gambling attached. “We could just play for fun?” he suggested.

Althea did not look convinced though and after a long moment – in which James considered both sending for treats from the kitchen for stakes and providing pennies himself if it would make things easier. He decided against it only because he did not want Althea to carry on thinking games must have stakes attached.

 

“I only know Vingt-et-Un,” she said softly. “Andrew taught me but he only would play if I had sweets and I didn’t like it.”

James could imagine she did not like losing what few treats she got to her elder brother. He considered pointing out yet again that they could play for fun but instead he asked. “Would you like to learn a new game?”

Althea looked almost hopeful at that and after a very brief moment, she nodded. And James felt cheered by that and then had to wrack his brains for suitable card games. He asked Althea what else her brothers and sisters played and used that as a guide and they worked their way through Snap, Slapjack and War before moving onto Old Maid which was not as much of a game with two though Althea liked it. The maid brought tea half way into the afternoon with biscuits and afterwards Althea sat with him and they took turns reading out of her book.

“You read very well, Althea,” James said – at least her education had not been neglected.

“Mother taught me,” Althea said. “She liked to read – she used to read to me every night. I used to read to Freddie before but now Aunt Beth does it. She reads to us both.” She sounded so pleased and surprised to have such a thing that James wanted to fuss over her all over again. “But you could too,” she said. “If you wanted.”

“Yes,” James said. “I would like that Althea.”

“As well as Aunt Beth,” Althea added suddenly as if she had not thought this through. “Not instead of.”

James smiled at that, “I am quite sure Aunt Beth would insist it was as well,” he agreed.

 

When Groves and Elizabeth reappeared – James sent for more tea and Groves joined them while Elizabeth went to change. Althea inched closer to James and tugged at his sleeve. “Shall I go to the nursery?” she asked in a whisper that Groves ignored.

“Do you want to?” James asked. “You do not have to.” It was, of course, common that children would be banished to the nursery when a household had visitors and it seemed that Althea had barely been allowed out of the nursery in England but the lieutenant was not one to stand on formality.

Althea considered but by then Groves had helped himself to her cards and was shuffling them and she looked slightly outraged at this invasion of her possession.

“Do you think you might play a game with me, Miss Norrington?” Groves said guilelessly. “I’m quite fond of cards and as a bachelor, I have no-one to play with at home.”

Althea scowled at him – she did not like being talked down to and she clearly knew grownups had many opportunities to play cards.

“You see my favourite game is called Chinese bluff,” Groves said. “And they never play it at parties.”

“I don’t know that one,” Althea said curious and James watched her edge closer.

“It is a bragging game,” Groves explained and James frowned at him – he was not about to let him teach Althea brag or any other gambling game. “The whole point is to bluff.” Groves dealt James into this game without a thought and carried on explaining before he handily won the first game. Because the point was not bluffing – it was cheating and Althea did not seem to want to cheat and if she did not then James did not want to set a bad example no matter what Groves was doing.

 

Groves would have won the second game if Elizabeth had not come back midway through and immediately called his bluff. “He never has four aces,” she said impatiently, sitting down and pulling Althea into her lap, “come I’ll play with you, Althea. Pick those cards up Groves.”

Althea won that round easily and seemed quite delighted with a new game and much more able to call a bluff with Elizabeth’s support.

Groves thanked her for the game and gave her a bag of toffees before he left leaving her quite confused it seemed.

“Are all the officers like Lt. Groves,” she asked Elizabeth once he had gone.

“No, he is rather unique,” Elizabeth said. “He is an old friend of the family Althea so a little informal.”

“Oh,” Althea said. “I learnt five new games today – four from Uncle and the bluffing one. And I didn’t even have to bet my sweets!”

“Did you,” Elizabeth said. “You will have to tell me all about it, later on, Althea, I had no idea Uncle knew that many games.” She winked at James who would have looked very stern if Althea had not been watching.

“Can I go and tell Freddie now?” Althea asked and Elizabeth nodded and watched her run off.

 

“That seems to have gone well?” Elizabeth said, kissing his cheek. “Do you think?”

“I think Groves did as well with a packet of toffee,” James said. “But she did seem quite settled with me – she has asked I tell them a story a bedtime sometimes. As well as you of course but still.”

“That is a very good sign,” Elizabeth said. She was in a very good mood herself, James noticed and he leant in for a kiss.

“How was your afternoon?” he said. Her health was so much better now that he thought she must have at least held her own.

“I’m not telling you that,” Elizabeth said amused. “You will see for yourself next time we duel.”

James grinned. “You clearly won,” he said. “I know that smile. But I would not get over confident – I’m much better than Groves.”

Elizabeth was outraged for a moment until she realised she was being teased. “Well we will soon see,” she threatened and he kissed her again entirely caught up in her and secure that Althea would be doting on Freddie for some time.

 

* * *

Three days later James came into find Elizabeth reading in the parlour – Althea was sat beside her and Freddie was drowsing in her lap. It was such a perfect scene that he stood and watched them for some time until Althea glanced up and noticed him. “Aren’t you going to sit with us?” she asked unthinkingly demanding of his attention and James gladly joined them and pulled her into his lap. He offered Althea a bag of barley sugar and suggested mildly he might read the next story which apparently won favour with everyone. It was just as well.

James had just received notice he would be sailing soon and he did not think that was going to go over nearly as well.


	18. Restoration

When James told them he would be sailing soon, Althea had gone quiet for a long moment.  “Can we come too?” she asked, her small face serious and sincere. “I liked the ship from England and Aunt Beth had her own ship once and Freddie wouldn’t mind because it would be good practice for if he chooses the navy when he is grown.” That last was more of a concession that James normally got in regards to Freddie’s future and he was stymied for a moment for how to say no without making Althea worry about the danger of sailing when Elizabeth handled it for him.

“No, dearest,” Elizabeth said firmly. “A navy ship is not the same. We will stay here.” Althea pouted all through the next story but she accepted it easily enough. Though of course, she tended to accept anything Elizabeth said easily enough – it was James who was constantly asked why?

 

That night after they had read the children stories and left them in the care of the nurse, James could not stop thinking about that request – it had cheered him immeasurably even if Althea had been quite put out by the answer.

“I never thought it would be me telling children they could not go to sea instead of being told it,” Elizabeth said as she brushed out her hair – James was entirely caught up at the sight, it was growing in now and glimmered gold in the light of the fire and lamps. “I suppose I should have thought that through.”

James was not sure if it would make things worse to mention the plans he might once have had but he decided to answer honestly as he folded his own clothing. “When we were engaged. When I thought of the children we would have – I was quite sure I would have to,” he said. “Though I do not think I thought you would be on my side.” Elizabeth laughed and threw a pillow at him and he chased her around the room and caught her up in his arms for a kiss.

 

“Althea is attached to you, I hope you know,” Elizabeth said. “It is just new to her – Freddie only ever had her but she remembers her mother – I am filling someone’s shoes. She never had a decent father figure before you. Any father figure really. It is new to both of you. But you are doing so well with her.” James could only be relieved that Elizabeth thought so.

“I could have delayed sailing,” James admitted. “But if I did - I would have been away for Christmas. I am sure I will end up missing it eventually but not this year – not their first.”

“No, we would not want that!” Elizabeth said, squirming away from him and falling silent for a long moment. “Do you have a sailing date yet.” There was a pause an odd tone in her voice when she said, “I hoped you would still be here on Monday. I understand if not.”

For a moment James did not understand then he thought of the date – Monday would have been her son’s first birthday. “I will be here on Monday,” he promised sincerely and she slipped into his arms as he mentally adjusted the sailing date – he did not intend to leave until after both anniversaries had passed – after all, they were so close together.

“Thank you,” she breathed into his skin. James picked her off her feet and tucked her into bed and held her tightly – he hoped she would sleep. She often did not when this came up. When he had given her Will Turner’s message two days after she had arrived back with the children, she had spent the whole night pacing with Freddie even once he had fallen asleep in her arms. Being close was the only comfort he could offer.

 

Elizabeth did sleep, though – curled in his arms and shifting restlessly. James was the one who laid awake. He wondered if even mentioning Christmas was a mistake – Elizabeth had been in gaol last Christmas starved, abused and grieving for her child.

When she began to shake in her sleep, he woke her quickly and she sat up with a cry and pushed away from him, her face wet with tears. Then she fled the bed and he followed to find her emerging from the nursery Freddie in her arms. She put a finger to her lips. “Althea is still asleep. I did not mean to wake Freddie – I just had to see them. I dreamt,” she shuddered. “I dreamt I was in gaol again but not with William. With Althea and Freddie.” She had such a tight grip on Freddie that he was squirming a little and she forced herself to relax.

“That will never happen,” James said pulling them both close. “Never, Elizabeth not to you and not to them.”

“No,” said Freddie looking up at them both and waving his rag doll, which was clutched tightly in his small fist. This was one of the few words Freddie could manage – along with up and more and an abbreviated version of Althea’s name and James ruffled his hair.

“Even Freddie agrees,” he said mildly hoping it was a comfort. Elizabeth nodded and pressed a kiss to Freddie’s hair.

Now that Freddie was awake, Elizabeth brought him back to their room and James watched her pace – he would offer to help but he doubted she would hand over the baby. When Freddie finally slept in her arms he persuaded Elizabeth to rest and took Freddie back to the nursery himself.

 

The anniversary was a difficult day, Althea was too observant to not notice something was wrong and she fretted that it was something she had done, no matter what how much James reassured her. But because he did not want to tell her what was wrong there was a limit to how effective he could be. When Elizabeth went to the churchyard to the memorial. James sat with Althea and read to her in hopes of his presence being reassuring – he had meant to accompany Elizabeth but she would not have it when Althea was upset. Althea did not settle until Elizabeth was home and the only saving grace that James could see was that fussing over Althea distracted Elizabeth from her own thoughts. Nurse had been teaching Althea sewing and she was eager to show off her work which Elizabeth praised fondly.

“I am going to hire her a tutor,” Elizabeth said the instant Althea had vanished back into the nursery. “Of course she has to know how to sew and paint and play an instrument but she is far too intelligent for that to take up all her days. I will not let her be bored out of her mind for half her childhood just because she is a girl.”

James nodded. He could just remember how much Elizabeth had appreciated her governesses growing up – which was to say not at all. “Of course,” he said. “But after Christmas perhaps?” James had plans for just how he was going to spoil all of them and several of his plans for Althea might take quite a bit of her time.

“No doubt, it will take me that long to find a decent tutor who’ll agree to teach a girl,” Elizabeth said.

 

 

* * *

By the time James did sail, he had gone over these plans for Christmas with Elizabeth. It had proved a handy distraction after the second anniversary had passed even if several if his ideas had been knocked back, James did not think Althea was too young for a pony but Elizabeth had told him firmly he could not buy one until her birthday. But she had agreed to the doll house and rocking horse for the nursery and the swing in the garden and a set of wooden soldiers for Freddie and a collection of wooden bricks for him to build with. James had had to be firm himself when he said neither of them could have a wooden sword but a consensus had mostly been reached.

Still, it did not make it any easier to say goodbye to them on the docks. Althea cried and James felt awful and then Freddie – who had seemed quite settled decided to join in and Elizabeth kissed him sweetly and Althea did come forward so he could kiss her cheek and he rubbed her back and promised he would be home soon. She clung to his leg for a moment, while he ruffled Freddie’s hair and told him to look after his aunt and sister hoping to make Althea smile with the jest – this failed miserably and it was only when Elizabeth called her name that Althea let go of him to cling to Elizabeth skirts instead.

Once the ship had sailed James watched them from the deck for a long time after he should have been on duty, until they were barely visible. Elizabeth did at least manage to induce Althea to wave before they fell out of sight.

 

 

* * *

They arrived back several days earlier than planned docking in the dead of night. James gave over command to Groves who was due his step any day now – they had promised him another faster ship and he meant to insist Groves had the command if he had to use every scrap of influence to do it. The practice would be good for him.

The house was in darkness when he got home of course – there had been part of him that had rather selfishly hoped Elizabeth might be up pacing with Freddie as she so often did but there was no sign of it. When he slipped into his room the bed was empty and was disappointed but there was no reason for Elizabeth to leave her room when he was not there and he had been quite welcome beside her for some time. He stripped out of his uniform, found a clean night shirt and did the best he could to wash the salt from his skin before he went through only to find that Elizabeth’s attention and her bed had already been claimed.

 

Elizabeth was curled up in a pile of thin coverlets and nestled in her arms was Freddie in his own nest of blankets. On the other side of Freddie and clinging tightly to the edge of Freddie’s blankets even in her sleep was Althea, who was shifting restlessly, her hair coming out of its braid and falling in her face. Elizabeth did not even seem to wake properly but she reached out and smoothed her hand down Althea’s back until she calmed and then blinked a little. “James,” she said in a whisper glancing at the sleeping children.

“Shh,” he said still charmed. “I did not mean to wake you – or them. I arrived home early and had to see you.”

“If you think you are sleeping next door, you can think again,” Elizabeth said. “Come here beside me, it will make their morning to find you home!”

James was not entirely sure – Althea did not come to him in the night the way she did Elizabeth and he did not want to intrude. But it was as always hard to say no to Elizabeth and slipped into the bed not daring to touch her at first. “If you do not come here, I will make a huge fuss and wake everyone,” Elizabeth warned him. And so he settled himself against her back reaching one arm across her to rest on Freddie’s nest of blankets and kissed her cheek before he settled into sleep.

 

He was woken in the morning by something unpleasantly damp being wiped on his face and he woke to find himself staring into Freddie’s gummy smile as he poked James in the face with the now rather misshapen navy rag doll. (There was only so much chewing a toy could take.) “Good morning Freddie,” James said quietly – Freddie had clearly decided to explore the bed on waking and had clambered over Elizabeth without waking her to get to him. In fact, both Elizabeth and Althea were dead to the world and probably would have remained so if Freddie had not been so excited by this greeting he had not begun to squeal his sister's name.

“Te-a,” he exclaimed high pitched and pleased and hit James in the face again. “Te-a!” Althea sat up instantly at the sound of her name and made a similarly high pitched noise at the sight of him – he was worried he had frightened her until she launched herself at him – elbowing Elizabeth in the stomach so that she awoke with an ooof.

“You’re home,” Althea said excitedly and she kissed his cheek – she was lying half across Elizabeth. “Look Aunt Beth – Uncle James is home.”

“I see that,” Elizabeth said. She offered James her own kiss on his cheek and shifted Althea somewhat so she could sit up. “We all missed you very much,” Elizabeth told him while Althea nodded enthusiastically and Freddie attempted to climb him.

James flushed a little – he had certainly not expected such a reception. “I missed you all as well,” he said.

“As we are celebrating today,” Elizabeth said, “I think perhaps we might all have breakfast in the dining room – instead of the nursery? How does that sound?” Althea looked like this was a special treat and she slipped out of bed.

“I will tell nurse,” she said and launched herself out of the bedroom.

Elizabeth laughed to watch her. “Did I ever have that much energy?” she said leaning to steal Freddie out of his arms.

“No,” James unable to help himself. “You had much much more when I first met you. But I am sure she will catch you up eventually by the time she is twelve.”

Elizabeth laughed at that, “you are lucky I am so pleased you are home,” she threatened. “Get ready – and I’ll see to the young master here.” She bounced Freddie who clung tightly to her while chattering away which for some reason made her hurry slightly. It was only once she was half out of the room that James realise what the chatter was. Freddie had a new word it seemed. He was calling Elizabeth ‘mama.’

 

 

 

 


	19. Relative

Althea seemed a little more excited than James thought breakfast in the dining room warranted. She had eggs and toast at Elizabeth’s insistence and then was allowed to help herself to pastries and sipped at her cup of milky tea, she did not seem overly keen on the tea but seemed determined to have it all the same.

Freddie sat on Elizabeth’s knee and was fed buttered eggs, followed by a bowl of chopped fruit. James felt slight foolish that Elizabeth appeared to be able to manage this without ending up covering in food. But she did have more practice.

James was expected to entertain the whole table with tales of his time away at sea and Althea was especially curious about sailing and the navy. James could not decide if it was a general curiosity or more future planning for Freddie.

 

But Elizabeth surprised him by changing the subject. “I was thinking Althea might join us for supper, James. Once or twice a week. She’s growing up very fast and will be a young lady soon.” This was a vast exaggeration but James knew Elizabeth had done the same from a younger age that was normal and he liked the idea – Elizabeth spent much more time in the nursery than he did and it would be nice to have some evenings with Althea – sometimes he got back from the fort so late that the nurse was already preparing the children for bed.

Althea was watching him wide-eyed and James was realised to his surprise that he was being given the final say on the matter. Or at the very least Althea wanted his approval. “Of course,” he said. “That sounds splendid.”

Althea threw herself out of her chair and ran to him to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Uncle,” she said her little face lit up.

James pulled her into his lap and kissed her hair, “I will consider myself very fortunate to have two charming ladies as my dinner companions,” he said.

Althea giggled and he set her down to go back to her tea and pastries.

 

Shortly after this Freddie began to fuss and Elizabeth excused herself to take him back to the nursery. Althea watched them go and then watched him eat his breakfast having lost interest in hers and apparently marshalling herself for something. “You do not have to drink the tea if you don’t want it,” he assured her.

She wrinkled her nose and pushed the tea cup away but after another long moment, he was surprised by what she said. “Freddie calls Aunt Beth, ‘Mama’ now,” Althea said in a small voice. “And Aunt Beth says it is alright because he is just a baby.”

James came to her side. “Yes,” he said gently. “He doesn’t know any better, Althea, and he does not remember your mother. But we’ll explain properly when he’s older. Of course, we will –“

This seemed to upset Althea even further and she began to shred the half-eaten pastry and would not look at him. James knew he had said the wrong thing even if he didn’t know why. “Will he call you Papa too?” she asked.

 

“He could,” James said. Freddie did not say much to him as a rule – mostly no and more but he did not object to the idea. He and Elizabeth would be the only parents Freddie ever knew – he doubted Archie would so much as be in touch – he had not written since the children had arrived. Althea’s lower lip wobbled and suddenly James thought he understood. She did not object to Freddie thinking of Elizabeth as his mother. She felt left out. “And you could too of course,” he said. “You are just as much ours now as Freddie is, Althea.” And she was – James could hardly believe that children as wonderful as Althea and Freddie could come from Archibald but they were his and Elizabeth’s children now and he could not imagine feeling more like a father.

Which made it extremely distressing when Althea broke down into full blown tears and flung herself at him sobbing. He caught her up in his arms. “There now dear one,” he said and he ended up bouncing her a little the way he would Freddie. When this did not seem to help, he tried to tease her. “Goodness Althea at this rate I’m going to think you don’t want to be my daughter.”

 

This backfired horribly when she began to wail and he thought that caught up in the noise was some sort of denial and insistence she did want that. James was in over his head and he was relieved beyond belief when Elizabeth and Freddie reappeared, Elizabeth looking horrified. She managed to affect some sort of transfer where he ended up with a bemused Freddie and she ended up with the hysterical Althea.

“There now sweetheart,” Elizabeth soothed, rubbing Althea’s back, “whatever is the matter.” Althea hiccoughed and hid her face and Freddie looked up at James and began to suck his fingers.

“I was just explaining to Althea,” James said. “That she is welcome to address us as Mama and Papa if she wishes. That we are just as much her parents now as Freddie’s.” Elizabeth looked taken aback and for a moment James thought she was going to tell him off but then Althea took hold herself and looked at Elizabeth.

 

“Can I?” she said. “Can I call you Mama too?”

Elizabeth looked horrified - no doubt with herself for not realising - but it still madeAlthea quail until she had an answer “Of course,” Elizabeth managed. “Of course Althea. Unc- Papa is quite right. We are your parents now. You can call us whatever you want.” And this, at last, seemed to right things in Althea’s world though it took her some time to catch her breath and calm.

“Althea,” Elizabeth continued. “I am so sorry. That was thoughtless of me. I didn’t think. But I’m very glad that you want to call us your parents. There is nothing we wouldn’t do for you, you know.”

This made Althea cry again and what made her stop in the end was Freddie offering her the drooled-on rag doll. She looked up and smiled wetly at her brother. “Can you say Papa Freddie?” she said sniffling.

“Mama,” said Freddie and then laughed merrily clearly please she was not crying.

“No,” Althea said. “Pa-pa”

“No,” said Freddie setting his face stubbornly.

“I am sure Freddie will pick it up in time,” James said. He had a sudden vision of Althea repeating Papa at the baby until he did parrot it. “And of course until he does, I will be happy to hear you say it.”

“Papa,” said Althea at once and smiled shyly at him and James smiled back.

 

Later on – Althea had insisted on taking Freddie and the soggy rag doll back to the nursery herself which was as much care as she was permitted to give her brother these days rather than being his sole carer and the instant they were alone Elizabeth turned ashen.

“I am such a fool,” she said. “I thought she was angry Freddie was calling me that – I thought she was thinking about her mother – I could only think of my family – how I would never have called anyone else mother – not that there was any chance as my father never even considered remarriage. But I was twelve and I had him – always. Althea had _no-one_.”

James cannot bear to see her upset. “Elizabeth – the only reason they have us, is because of you. You were the one who saw how bad my brother was, you are the one who made sure they have a home here.” He pulled her close and kissed her hair. “Even if I had been in England I would never have seen how much they needed us because I would never have visited my brother.”

Elizabeth nodded, but still looked caught up in how badly she had misread the situation and then to make matters worse James was due at the fort that afternoon to make sure everything he had left in Groves’ hands had been properly dealt with.

 

* * *

 

But while he was out he did have a thought and when he got home, Althea and Elizabeth were in the parlour – they clearly had been sewing together, but Althea was asleep now her head in Elizabeth’s lap, her needlework set to one side.

Elizabeth took one look at him and immediately scolded when she saw the box in his hands. “James,” she said. “You might have waited – it is nearly Christmas.” She had not said he could not buy more jewellery of course but it had been implied.

“If it makes it any better,” he said innocently. “It is not for you.”

Elizabeth looked offended for a brief moment and then she realised, glancing down at Althea. “What a lovely thought,” she said. “But what about Freddie?” James produced a new rag doll from his pocket.

“Not quite the same but I think Freddie would approve?” he said.

“Quite,” Elizabeth said laughing – the new doll had extra epaulettes indicating a more senior captain which Freddie would like as there was even more gold braid.

 

It was at the first supper that Althea attended that James presented her the locket. It was a simple thing, suitable for a child, with a swallow painted on it. Elizabeth had added a lock of her hair and his – she had had this idea one night when he was sleeping and woke to find she had trimmed it from his queue.

Althea was speechless when he presented her with it.  But eventually, she managed. “It is a lucky bird,” she said. “Like Mama’s drawing – to make sure you come home safely.”

James blinked and Elizabeth laughed. “Well that is not all my tattoo means, Althea but some sailors do believe a swallow will bring them home safe.”

James had never been permitted to examine Elizabeth’s tattoo – he had only ever seen it in semi-darkness but it had not looked like a swallow to him.

“Mama says I can’t have a drawing on my arm,” Althea said. “So it is just as well I have a swallow on my necklace to bring Papa home.”

“And what else aren’t you allowed?” Elizabeth asked and Althea looked put upon for a moment but she did answer.

“I am not allowed to draw one on Freddie,” she said sadly. “Even though he doesn’t mind at all.”

“I mind,” Elizabeth said. “It took three baths to get rid of your last attempt.”

James wondered just what else he missed when he was at sea but he tried to distract Althea instead. “Would you like me to put this on you, Althea?”

This was enough to make the rest of Althea’s night and when at bedtime she was obliged to remove the jewellery she insisted on sleeping with it under her pillow clutched in one small fist.

 

When they retired, Elizabeth finally let him see the tattoo, it was different now – she had added to it thought god only knew when. Before she brought the children back presumably. There was a swallow – a small one, and a neat compass rose with the north point shaded darker they bracketed a crowned heraldic creature that seemed to be a combination of lion and fish.

“The merlion is the symbol of Singapore,” she said. Her domain as Pirate Lord, James knew – and that explained the crown, “The swallow – well, Althea explained that and I did certainly managed more than the required distance and the compass. . .” she trailed off and looked at him expectantly.

“The compass is for me,” James said wondering if he was being overly hopeful. But he knew the origin of his family name.

“The compass is for you,” Elizabeth agreed. “Between that and the swallow, I should hope you will have no difficulty in finding your way home.”

“Never,” he said. “Not when I am coming home to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historical notes  
> A swallow tattoo was thought to bring a sailor home safely and it also indicated they had travelled 5000 miles. (Which Elizabeth practically did on the first crossing but I doubt her father would have seen her argument that she deserved a tattoo for it as compelling) 
> 
> Norrington as a name derives from the middle english for north and town hence the north on the compass rose representing James.


	20. Reassurance II

James woke one morning to find that Elizabeth while still curled in his arms, she had Althea in hers and was speaking to her softly.

“Do you think mummy would have minded?” Althea asked in a small voice and it seemed something had been on her mind. James knew at once what they were talking about – while Althea had called him Papa constantly from the instant she had been granted permission, Elizabeth had been Mama, Aunt Beth and occasionally Mama Beth. Elizabeth answered to all three easily and had never made a fuss over how she was addressed.

“No,” Elizabeth said. “I am quite sure she wouldn’t mind at all, dear one.” Elizabeth was quiet for a moment. “She would care that you are happy. And cared for. That is what mothers do – I promise you.” There was a sad tone to her voice and James knew she was thinking of her son – Elizabeth had had to contemplate him being raised by someone else though with no thought to care at all. By a man who had only wanted the financial benefit of claiming her son as ward. And even then she would have obviously preferred that to his death at such a young age.

James held Elizabeth a little closer and rubbed her back to reassure her even as she focussed on reassuring Althea. “But if you want to call me Aunt Beth and only call Uncle -Papa that is fine,” Elizabeth said. “Or Mama Beth – whatever you want Althea as long as you know we love you as if you were our own.”

“Alright, Mama,” Althea said sounding much more settled. Perhaps eventually she would realise that none of her queries would result in her getting in trouble. James dreaded to think what her early life had been like when just asking a question prompted such nerves.

 

“Did you decide which dress you liked best?” Elizabeth asked and James paused wondering what this was about and Althea sighed.

“They are all so pretty Mama,” Althea said. “I don’t mind.”

“Really?” Elizabeth said. “I thought you seemed very keen on the rose gold.”

“Well that is the prettiest pink,” Althea said brightly. “Can I really have a gown like that?”

“Of course you can,” Elizabeth said, “We’ll go into town today and order it.” That had Althea scramble out of bed, clearly keen to get to town. Elizabeth groaned for a minute and then shifted slightly, slipping out of bed herself. Before she left though James was elbowed in the stomach and Elizabeth mouthed the word pink at him and winked before she vanished through to her own room to ring for her maid.

James had not attempted to defend himself amused by her antics – the gown was rose gold and suited Elizabeth very well. He was quite sure if Althea was purchased a matching gown that would look lovely too and he would tell her so.

 

At least Althea had been quite convinced on the matter of clothing and Elizabeth bought her something everything time she saw a fabric she liked. He had of course increased Elizabeth’s allowance to account for the things she would buy for the children – she still refused the notion that he settle her father’s money on her, though. When she ran out she had the bills sent to him so James did not worry too much. Once the nurse had protested Althea had far too much clothing and would never wear through all of these before she outgrew them which had prompted yet another shopping trip because nothing set Elizabeth off like being told what to do.

 

Althea was at breakfast with them when James went down, she was drinking milk out of a tea cup and slathering jam over a fruited bun. This was unusual as Elizabeth usually insisted she eat something substantial before she could start on sweets – a policy James had pointed out several times was highly hypocritical. “I am not a growing child,” Elizabeth had told him loftily and then distracted him from the argument with kisses. It was not a tactic that got less effective with time and Elizabeth had no compunction about using it.

“Mama and I are going shopping,” Althea told him excitedly. “I’m to have a new dress and she said I could buy presents for Freddie and for nurse for Christmas.”

“That sounds like a splendid day,” James said. Also, it gave him the notion that when he was buying for Elizabeth he could buy quite a bit more as some of the presents would be from the children. He could even take Althea shopping to choose though he was not quite sure how he would get that past Elizabeth.

“Then Mama has an appointment,” Althea said. “This afternoon.” With Groves, James presumed. But this was a clear hint.

“Well then perhaps you might like to spend the afternoon with me, Althea,” James said. “I have no plans.”

“Yes please, Papa,” Althea said, beaming at him.  James went to the door to see them off, Althea clinging tightly to Elizabeth’s hand.

 

When they returned, James spent the afternoon teaching Althea to play draughts – he fully intended to teach her chess one day soon, just as Elizabeth’s father had taught her but one thing at a time. He was reading her a chapter from a new book Elizabeth had bought her while they were out when Elizabeth and the lieutenant joined them.

Groves was on full charm offensive again it seemed. He had brought Althea a present – a ship in a bottle and Elizabeth laughed at the sight of it. It had been the sort of trinket that James had presented to her when she was merely the precocious daughter of the Governor.

Althea was not so easily won over. She clearly wanted the present but she eyed the lieutenant crossly. “And what have you got for Freddie?” she asked.

“Althea,” Elizabeth said. “Lt Groves has not met Freddie. And that is not how we respond to presents is it?”

Althea only looked panicked by this very mild scold and she thanked the lieutenant while looking at the floor. Groves, of course, was not offended at all and he promised most sincerely he would bring something for young Master Norrington the next time he called. Althea had thanked him but remained in high dudgeon for the remainder of the afternoon and none of Groves antics or Elizabeth’s comfort could coax her out of it. She only seemed relieved to be excused and James decided he would follow her – she was in the nursery, curled on her bed. The nurse had taken Freddie for an afternoon walk perhaps so they were alone and he crouched beside her.

“We are not cross with you Althea,” James told her reassuringly. “It was only a reminder and you said thank you right away.”

“I know,” Althea said in a small voice and said no more and James rather wished he had sent Elizabeth. She was so much better with the children but of course if he did not try that would always be the case.

There was a rocking chair in the corner of the room – Elizabeth had sometimes attempted to rock Freddie to sleep there though generally only pacing ever settled him. James decided he would try it, he picked Althea up easily – she was still so slight and took her to the rocking chair and settled her in his arms. She clung tightly to him like a limpet. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean it, I will try harder to be good.”

“Althea no,” James said. “You are good and even if you weren’t – we will love you regardless.”

“Your papa is right,” James looked up at the sound of Elizabeth’s voice, she was watching concerned from the door of the nursery. She came over and stroked at Althea’s hair. “You could be naughty all day long and we would still be your parents and we would still love you.”

This seemed to confuse Althea and James could not bear to see her so upset and befuddled by the idea she had to behave to earn affection. “Mama knows what she is talking about,” he assured hoping a jest would work. “She was naughty all day long when she was your age and for quite some time after.”

“Papa!” Althea said scandalised but Elizabeth only laughed.

“He’s quite right Althea,” she admitted. “I was a very naughty girl when I was little and it never stopped my father loving me.”

Althea only seemed more shocked that Elizabeth would admit to being naughty. Eventually, though Elizabeth persuaded her to accompany her to the kitchen, in pursuit of biscuits.

 

That night once the children were asleep, Elizabeth was restless. James watched her pace up and down the living room in a temper. “I should have run your brother through when I had the chance,” she said finally coming to sit by him. “Damn the man.”

“You will get no argument from me,” James said. “But they are here now and safe and it will get better.”

“I hope so,” Elizabeth said. “Poor Althea – every time I think it has stuck that she is wanted, I manage to undo it somehow. I don’t even know why I said anything today – it is not as if Groves would take offence.”

“No,” James said. “You have always said what you mean and I think that is best – once Althea is more settled it will mean she can trust you.” He paused. “I gather the rules changed a lot in my brother’s household between the changes in staff and his remarriage. We should be consistent.”

“His wife is near as bad,” Elizabeth said. “Cares nothing for any of the children not even her own from what I saw and she took down all the portraits of their mothers. I should have asked for one for the children – there is no way Archie will part with any of them now.”

James was of the opinion that Archie would but only for money – which he would pay if necessary – perhaps such a thing would settle Althea’s worry somewhat about what her mother might have thought. “Ask his wife then,” he suggested. “She’ll be glad to be rid of them no doubt.”

“That’s a thought,” Elizabeth said thoughtfully. “And if not, I hope the new portrait will help her.”

“New portrait?” said James.

“Yes,” Elizabeth said. “I’m having a family portrait done for Christmas – Althea and I are going to have matching gowns. That’s what I was ordering in town today. And I got a little navy coat for Freddie and a toy boat for him to hold.”

“That sounds a lovely idea,” James said – and it was. A family portrait to hang – perhaps they could get a second for his cabin.

“I wanted to surprise you,” Elizabeth said. “But even I couldn’t work out how to get you to pose all unknown. None of the artists I approached were willing to work off my sketches.” James could not help but smile at this.

“How uncooperative of them,” he said only to be given a severe look – Elizabeth was always able to tell when he was humouring her. “Might I see your sketches.” He asked.

“If you like,” she said. “But not tonight, I gave them to Althea, she has them propped by her bedside.” Elizabeth paused. “It seemed to reassure her.”

James took Elizabeth in his arms and kissed her hair. “You are a wonderful mother,” he told her and she relaxed into his arms.

“I try,” she said. “Now let’s go to bed,” she kissed him.

-

Posing for the portrait started not a week later. James had worried a little about how patient the children would be for it but Althea was of course as good as gold and happy to stand for hours. Freddie was a little less happy – tending to toddle off or to sit on his bottom and sulk or tug on Elizabeth’s skirts until she scooped him up and fussed over him.

It took a few sessions for the sketches to be done and after the last one Elizabeth settled the children in the nursery – Freddie for a nap and Althea reading him a story and came back downstairs.

James could see she was still restless and he came to her side. “I thought it would be the children who had difficulty in staying still,” he said. “But I think you are far more frustrated.”

“I cannot bear it.” Elizabeth said, “I know this was my idea. I have never been good at doing nothing,” she kissed him. “I know it will be worth it.”

“Perhaps we might be able to work off some of that energy,” James suggested.

“James!” Elizabeth said pretending scandal. “During the day with the children in the nursery – I don’t think that is the best idea.” She kissed him. “Tempting as it is.”

James found himself flushing and he held her close for a moment. “I was going to suggest we spar,” he said trying to sound severe as if he was scandalised by how she had taken his words but he could not maintain it.

“Oh,” Elizabeth replied, her voice keen in a way that did not put James in the mood for sparring at all. “ _Yes_ , that would be just the thing. If you are sure?”

James was no keener on the idea of fighting his wife but he had said he would and he meant to keep his word. “Of course,” he said. “Do not think you can put me off just because you are beating Groves now.”

Elizabeth only laughed. “Do not think I am going to go soft on you because you are giving me my own way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historical note - because both clothing for infants and children was very similar until boys were breeched (given trousers) young boys tended to be given masculine toys to hold in paintings as a clue to their gender.


	21. Revelry

Elizabeth had yet to defeat James in a bout but she had come close several times and he knew that eventually, she would – she was extremely skilled and more likely to take chances. But even when he won he was more likely to come out of it bruised as she had no compunction in levelling blows at him in a way he could never see himself returning.

One night in bed she had been fussing softly over a bruise on his chest that she had caused. “It is ever so annoying,” she told him. “You would let me beat you black and blue and yet I still can’t win.”

“I don’t let you,” James protested. “And you know you have much improved – you nearly had me today.”

Elizabeth laughed and her hand wandered down to tease him. “I had you twice today,” she reminded him as if he was unaware. “And I will beat you – just you wait and see,” James only pulled her close and kissed her, letting his own hands wander.

“I have no doubt,” he said. And he didn’t – when fighting Elizabeth had a certain look in her eye that he had only ever seen in one other context and it was only a matter of time before that distracted him utterly. At least it was not an issue he faced in any _other_ bout.

 

* * *

Christmas had come around quickly – James cannot remember looking forward to the festive season with as much anticipation – not even when he was a child. So, it concerns him slightly that Althea was not at all enthusiastic. Freddie was too young of course but Althea should enjoy the holiday? He could only suppose she was not given much reason to look forward to Christmas in Archie’s house. But surely she knew enough to expect better from him and Elizabeth?

He took her into town one day to allow her to buy presents for Elizabeth and Freddie and to perhaps encourage her to talk about it. The whole notion baffles her slightly and he gets his explanation when she unthinkingly tells him that at Christmas, Grandmama visits and brings presents but then goes away again for another year. James curses Archie all over again and wishes his mother had been more observant. Althea sees his annoyance misinterprets. “I know Grandmama won’t come all this way,” she said. “I don’t mind,” she said. “Nor does Freddie. We’d much rather have you and Mama, Papa.” James was sure he had Althea completely confused by his attempts to explain Christmas properly by the time they got home.

 

On returning home they had found Elizabeth pacing with an inconsolable Freddie – this of late often meant he had been thwarted in his desire to play with the fireguard, or a pen, or a china ornament. He was so much steadier on his legs now and he never wanted to stay still and while they would never confine him to the nursery – he had to be watched like a hawk in any other part of the house. Althea watched worried and James scooped her up and pressed a kiss to her hair. “It doesn’t look like Freddie has had as nice an afternoon as we have,” he said reassuringly.

“Please don’t cry, Freddie,” Althea said and James’ heart sank at how anxious she still was. She was probably about half a heartbeat away from saying she would watch Freddie.

Freddie ducked his head to Elizabeth’s chest and grizzled. “It’s my fault,” Elizabeth said guiltily “We were so busy playing, I didn’t put him down for his nap and now he is overtired and won’t sleep.”

Freddie peeped out from where he was grumbling into Elizabeth’s dress. “No,” he said distinct and unhappy.

 

“He will sleep if you lie down and cuddle him and tell him a story,” Althea said. “I can do it, Mama,” she squirmed to be down and James set her on her feet though Elizabeth declined to hand over her brother.

“No, Althea, there is tea waiting for you and Papa,” Elizabeth said. “I’ll take Freddie upstairs – I could do with a lie down myself.”

 

James wondered a little at that but he could not ask in front of Althea and worry her further. He went to tea with Althea and let her have cake straight away then spent the afternoon playing draughts with her.

“Althea,” he said carefully as he could. “What did Grandmama say about you looking after Freddie?”

“You can’t call her Grandmama!” Althea told him. “She’s not your Grandmama. You have to call her Mama.”

This, of course, was true and James took the hint – Althea was clearly changing the subject and in rather desperate fashion for her to talk back to him so. “Well normally I call her Mother,” he said. “But I take your point.”

 

Althea moved a piece carefully across the board, quiet for a moment and then she said – more to the board than him. “She said it would be good for me. To be good at looking after children.” James reminds himself that there was more than one way to take that comment and of course his mother would have to contend with his father to take in more children. His father had been happy to be done with childrearing from the instant he sent James off to the Navy at age twelve. They had only taken in Archie’s eldest because he was the heir apparent to the title. And, of course, in order to attempt to persuade his father his mother would have to admit there was some fault with Archie who remained her adored first born, no matter what he did. Still surely, she was not implying that her youngest granddaughter would have no choice but to be a governess.

“I’m sure she’s quite right,” James said trying to make it seem cheery. “You will be a wonderful mother one day Althea – but not for a very long time yet. Which I am very glad of – it will only be the most exceptional suitors who I will grant leave to court you, when you are old enough” Althea’s little face lit up and James tried to hide his relief at having said the right thing and the anger that she had never been valued at all. Thankfully Althea had a further distraction for him.

 

“Oh, I have decided that,” Althea told seriously. “I am going to marry Lt. Groves. You will just have to make sure he doesn’t marry anyone else before I am old enough Papa.”

James tried to hide his amusement but then he thought of Lady Bellamy’s niece and realised he would have to dissuade her.  “Lt. Groves?” he said. “Do you not think he is a little . .“ James searched for an adjective for a moment and took the cowards way out. “a little old for you sweetheart.”

“No,” Althea said. “Amelia says old men are less fussy about dowry. Anyway, you knew Mama when she was little – you said so. You said she was naughty.” Althea was still slightly scandalised by this and liked to bring it up which always made Elizabeth laugh. “And you are very happy. And Mama says the Lieutenant will be a Captain soon and then when I marry him you can use your influence so he can be an Admiral too.”

James pulled Althea onto his lap away from their game and looked down at her seriously. “Althea,” he said carefully. “When you are old enough to be out in society, many men will be interested in you. You are lovely and will only be more so. You will have many suitors – you don’t have to choose the only man of society you have met. And you will have a perfectly appropriate dowry – not that any man who dares question that will be considered.”

“That isn’t why!” Althea said sulkily and she blinked up at him. “I want to marry an officer.” She said sincere and serious and for a moment he was baffled until she added helpfully. “Like you.” James held tightly to her for a moment surprised and touched.

“I am sure all the officers will be lining up to court you when you are out,” Elizabeth said from the door – startling them both. “And I will help you pick the very best one and perhaps if he tries very hard he might be able to live up to your Papa eventually.”

Althea seemed happy with this and launched herself at Elizabeth abandoning James and the game of draughts in lieu of asking if she could have her hair up like Elizabeth’s.

 

* * *

That night in bed – Elizabeth had retired before him and was curled in on herself slightly – worry on her face. “How is Freddie?” he asked, wondering if he should push – Elizabeth’s mood had been less volatile since she had fetched the children but he knew that was partly because of how much of her time they occupied. James worried sometimes that it would it make it even harder for her – that she would be even more reminded of what she lost. And that Christmas could be hard for her too given her last Christmas.

“He’s very restless. The nurse says it’s normal for his age – and he is teething too.” James nodded, he knew Elizabeth and the nurse had worried that Freddie had so few teeth for his age so that was good at least. “He settled for a sleep when I read to him,” Elizabeth said. “Althea was right – I should listen to her more but I don’t dare make her think she has to advise me on him – I’ve only just got her to let me and the nurse take care of him.”

“I think she knows that she does not have to take of him,” James said. “It might make her feel grown up to be consulted?”

“Well, then I’m definitely not doing it!” Elizabeth said. “She is already far too old for her years. And I’m going to have to talk to her about Theo as well. Thank god she only wants an officer – Theo has permission to propose to Miss Bellamy if he makes post and I don’t want Althea breaking her heart over him.” Elizabeth took a deep breath and rolled over to curl in his arms. “But I suppose I cannot fault her reasoning.”

 

James kissed her hair and held her close and she clung a little which concerned and pleased him all at once.  “She wants to be just like you,” he reminded her – he found that adorable and finally Elizabeth relaxed a little in his arms.

“Only you could say that like it was a good thing,” she said. “After what I put my father through.”

“He would not have changed you,” James said. “Nor would I. And neither would Althea or Freddie, Elizabeth. They adore you. And I love you more than I can say.” This did at least earn him a soft smile and she leant in to kiss him, before falling asleep in his arms clinging tightly. He still had no idea what was upsetting her.

 

 

* * *

For all James’ concern over Elizabeth, Christmas was just as wonderful as James had hoped – Althea and Elizabeth wore matching gowns of festive green and matching hair styles and he fussed over them both with compliments which made Althea beam while Elizabeth kissed his cheek and told him he was a flatterer.

She had been her usual self since that night when they had discussed Althea and he had assumed her mood had only been her grief – a relief in one way that there was nothing wrong but he could do nothing to help which was its own burden.

 

When they had attended church that morning Elizabeth had slipped out to the Churchyard on her own for a moment – Althea had sat quietly of course perhaps even a little excited for the Christmas services. Freddie, of course, was not used to church and he had looked for Elizabeth immediately so James had set him down to wander up and down the boxed pew that they had inherited from the Governor, babbling happily. James’ career had meant he never been in church enough to rent his own pew, though he been invited to join the Swann family in theirs long before he had been family and he watched Freddie scamper back and forth and wished Elizabeth’s father could have seen it. He ignored the occasional looks he got from the other matrons in the church at Freddie’s occasional noise.

When Elizabeth slipped back in beside them, Freddie clung to her skirts and clambered into her lap to cling to her. It was probably more comforting than anything James could have done for her and when Althea looked up at him beseeching him wordlessly, he pulled her into his lap so they could share a hymnal.

They had walked home from church as a family and Elizabeth had kissed his cheek and held his hand and he had known she meant this to be reassuring. And she had seemed perfectly herself by the time they got home even if she had focussed a little more on the children.

 

Althea had been overwhelmed by her presents and the treats of the day. Her favourite by far was a necklace James had bought her. An emerald pendant that she loved because he had bought one for Elizabeth as well. And he thought Elizabeth had liked it too. Freddie had been in fits of delights over his new toys and of course, he had never stopped all day scampering away from them whenever anyone attempted to scoop him up and racing around the drawing room squealing with glee. It was allowed for the most part. He had a much toothier grin now and had added ‘Papa’ to his repertoire of words though he preferred to get James’ attention by hitting him in the ankle with whichever toy was closest to hand. He had to be kept an eye on – occasionally making a break for the fireguard. He was more fixated than usual since they had lit the yule log but thankfully his gifts were enough to mostly distract him.

When they sat to dinner Elizabeth could not help but be a little pleased with herself at the main course that was presented. James had not expected roast venison at all and Althea bounced in her seat, smugly so he surmised she was in on the secret.

“Merry Christmas darling,” Elizabeth had said looking smug. “I hope you enjoy it because I had to import a whole live deer from Charlestown and have it slaughtered in town and we shall be eating it all week.” James could not imagine just how she had persuaded a ship to do that and he did indeed enjoy it – and was sure to tell her so repeatedly.

Freddie even had a taste now that he had teeth – he had a small portion of stewed meat and vegetables and Althea, of course, pronounced herself keen on learning it was James’ favourite.

 

When it came time to put the children to bed after they had both been allowed to stay up late, Freddie fell asleep in Elizabeth’s arms and Althea was drowsily humming _Adeste Fideles_ under her breath as James carried her upstairs and he was allowed to hold her a moment longer while Elizabeth handed Freddie over to the nurse. “Merry Christmas,” he said kissing her hair and she clung for a moment.

“Merry Christmas, Papa,” she said sleepily. “I love you. And Mama.” James found himself speechless, his throat tight though Elizabeth was there almost at once.

“And we love you, Althea,” Elizabeth assured. “And Freddie. Very much.”

“Yes,” James said finding his words as Althea watched expectantly. “Of course, we do,” Althea smiled fuzzily and padded over to the nurse wordlessly, clearly content.

 

* * *

It was a mere three days into the new year that James returned home to find Elizabeth pacing impatiently, her temper up, neither child in sight. “Am I a terrible mother if I open Althea’s post?” she demanded.

James frowned – who would write to a seven-year-old girl then he caught a glimpse of the envelope and recognised Archie’s writing. “You could not be a terrible mother for any reason,” he said. “And I would not give her anything my damned brother has written without checking it.”

He would like to think his brother might have sent some Christmas sentiment for his children but surely, he would have sent presents if he had given them a moment’s thought. Being realistic James was sure the letter would be a demand for money that Althea would be expected to relay.

 

But at least Elizabeth was relieved by his answer and she carefully opened the letter when James was expecting her to rip it open.

“If it is decent – I don’t want to spoil it,” she said at his look. But she scanned the letter and thrust it at him her face white with anger. James took it with a sense to dread and felt his own temper flare at his brother.

It did not even start well – it informed Althea she was to return to England and help her stepmother care for Allister – the new baby whom Elizabeth had been informed was unavailable to be farmed out – due to Althea’s experience in looking after Freddie. Perhaps, Archie wrote, if Althea could convince her aunt and uncle to be generous in their christening gifts for Allister some funds could be spared to hire a nurse instead. James felt ill and he threw the letter on the fire.

“I will deal with him,” he said.  He could not imagine Elizabeth objecting to that now and she nodded once and went to the nursery to fuss over the children.

 

James wrote to Archie in a straightforward plain fashion, detailing just how much debt of Archie’s he now held. ‘ _Henceforth for every communication received by my household attempting to extort money, I will call in a debt by whatever means necessary,_ ’ James wrote.  He then explained that any further attempt to return either Althea or Alfred to England or threats of such would result in his calling them _all_ in. ‘ _Make no mistake, Archibald_ ,’ he added. ‘ _Nothing would please me more than the thought of you in debtor’s prison – and I will not relent. Try making threats from Newgate._ ’ It hardly seemed that his remaining children would miss him given the lack of attention he paid them. And it would only be expected that his children would be farmed out if he was imprisoned. But it was hardly satisfying. James wanted to take ship to England and punch Archie’s teeth down his throat.

 

* * *

The only response received to his letter was a note from his mother scolding him for being unkind to his brother. It was so non-specific he knew Archie hadn’t dared tell their mother what the letter actually said or why James had threatened him. It arrived just before he was due to sail and he decided it was not worth a response – his mother clearly would not be reasonable on the matter of his brother. Elizabeth had put that letter in the fire too. “Unkind,” she said. “He deserves more than unkind! Awful man.” It had agitated her for days and James had been unable to calm her or work out why it bothered her so.

It was only the night before that he managed to get an explanation. He had been at the fort until late making preparation and he came home to find her curled up on his bed in the rose gold nightgown, waiting for him. Elizabeth was fierce in her desire to pleasure him and he did not have to argue to return the favour for once. She was so compliant that he paused for a moment but he was only scolded for stopping.

Curled in his arms after she pressed her face into his neck. “I’m sorry,” she said. He did not understand nor could he think of any reason she should be. “I never saw you properly,” she said. “Not for years. So perhaps I have little reason to insult them but your family are awful James. How could anyone know Archie and think you are the unkind one.”

James could only be touched that she was so worked up on his behalf. “My mother doesn’t think that,” she said. “But she is blind to Archie’s faults and always has been.” And his brother had always been the better liar which meant he had found it easy to blame James for any disputes between them. He shifted his neck slightly to make Elizabeth move and pulled her up for a kiss. “Besides,” he told her sincerely. “If I could only change one opinion, I am glad it was yours.”


	22. Remorse

The Reliant had docked early again but it was near midday when James finally left the docks. Elizabeth and the children had not been on the docks to greet him and no matter how many times James told himself there were many reasons why this could be he could not help but be disappointed. But he would see them soon enough and that was enough for him.

He got in to the house and could hear Freddie protesting something loudly which could have been enough to prevent any outing. But at the sight of him, one of the house maids paled and fetched the housekeeper. Mrs Clark was as always efficient and welcoming and she had apparently become practiced at ignoring the waling coming from the nursery. “Young Miss Norrington is at her lessons,” she said. “The young master will calm any moment I`m sure, Mrs Norrington is resting downstairs – just as the doctor said.” James felt his stomach drop. The doctor? “If she is asleep though best not wake her,” the housekeeper advised before bustling away without any further explanation.

 

James found Elizabeth curled in on herself on the chaise lounge in the drawing room, she was pale and drawn and half covered with a knitted blanket. Her sleep did not seem restful at all and somehow this was achingly familiar. He drew the blanket round her and sat down hard on the chair opposite, wondering just what was wrong.  He took some comfort from the fact her breathing was steady and even and she was home now with the best medical care that was available. This was not like when he found her – and if it was he would take her to sea and sink ships until the Dutchman appeared and Will Turner could heal her again.

He was so caught up in this train of thought that he almost did not notice when Elizabeth stirred – it was only when she stirred and sat up that he noticed. She did not see him -occupied in reaching for a bell placed beside her, her hand shook and she knocked it over and swore. Then she saw him and to his horror the sight of him caused her to burst into tears.

James came to her side at once startled and worried. “Elizabeth, what do you need?”

Elizabeth blinked at him with teary eyes startled and seemingly puzzled before all of a sudden she was clinging to him and he held her tightly. She was trembling like a leaf and he near held his breath, wanting to know what was wrong.

“I was only going to ring for them to bring me, Freddie,” she said, “I am only permitted to see him for a few moments at a time. The doctor says I get too worked up.” Elizabeth could not help but sound bitter at this circumstance.

 

“What?” James said furiously – how was keeping Freddie from her at all useful – it was clearly upsetting both of them. “I will fetch him at once,” he promised her, patting at her hand softly and she held tightly to him for a moment.

“No, James – wait a moment – I have to tell you.” Elizabeth sounded quiet and pained and he could not go when she sounded like that. He pressed a kiss to her hand, wanting to be a comfort and having no idea how to be.

It took her some time to work up to what she had to say and he stroked gently at her hand the whole time. He could not bear to see her upset.

“James, I lost . . .” She broke off then pulling her hand away and curling in on herself looking pained before she managed the words. “I was carrying your child. But I`m not – not anymore.” She wiped at her face and for a long moment would not look at him as he blinked trying to process this news. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I thought perhaps I could give you a child after all.”

 

It took James a moment to shake off his shock – he had never even considered – Elizabeth had been told she couldn`t and he could see how hard this had hit her and then her last words hit him. She was apologising to him as if he would blame her for what had happened. “You have no reason to be sorry my darling,” he said “You have given me _two_ children. I am the one who should be sorry - that I was not here for you when it happened.”

Elizabeth shook her head, “I should have told you before you sailed,” she said quietly. “I wasn`t quite sure – I thought it would be a wonderful surprise when you got back.” She grimaced then. “Though if I had said then this would be worse to come back to.” James did not think he had even seen her look so ashamed. Not when she had thrown him over in public, or when she had arranged for a town to be sacked or when she had been imprisoned for piracy. And he could not bear to see it.

“Elizabeth,” he said carefully. He cannot help think of her odd moods at Christmas and understand them now. “There is no way this could be worse,” she flinched as if struck and James cursed himself for being useless with words. “This is not your fault. I only meant that this news would be a blow no matter how I heard it.” He dared to reach for her hand and pressed a kiss to it.  But this only seemed to upset her more and he dared to pull her close and embrace her rubbing one hand down her back – she had lost weight again he realised and he wondered just how ill she had been.

When she calmed some, James was still at a loss as to what to say.

“Would you like me to fetch Freddie?” James asked. He did not see why having suffered such a loss that the staff would make her feel worse by denying her time with the children.

Elizabeth took a deep breath and brushed a kiss against his cheek. “Please,” she said.

 

When James got to the nursery, Freddie had quieted - presumably because he had been fed – his nurse was busy cleaning the remnants of some banana on toast from his hands. He was at least pleased to see James, crowing triumphantly and calling “Papa” and “up.”

James obliged scooping Freddie into his arms. He assured the nurse that he could manage and restrained himself from scolding her from keeping Freddie from Elizabeth. For now.

It was only when he took Freddie downstairs that it soon became apparent perhaps why such orders had been in place and been followed. Freddie had been happy enough to see him in the nursery but only because Elizabeth was not there. Freddie had squirmed to be down the instant he saw Elizabeth. He was outraged clearly at being kept away from her – and he ran across the room, launched himself at her and clambered in her lap. He had grown so much while James was away – he seemed even steadier on his feet and his baby fine dark hair was long enough now to be tied back in a neat imitation of a queue.

“Mama,” he said almost scolding Elizabeth as he clung to her and she held on Freddie just as tightly back but James could see her face and she was pained and trying to hide it. Freddie was probably a little much for her James realised to his horror – not that Elizabeth would say so. (This then the answer to why the staff had been so cruel.)

James came over to the lounge and reclaimed Freddie – thought Freddie objected strenuously. “You can sit with me Freddie,” he said. “Mama is right there.”

“No,” Freddie said at once squirming but James did at least have a tight hold. Elizabeth reached out and smoothed his hair.

“Haven’t you missed Papa?” she said gently. “I know I have.” Freddie stilled then and sat in James’ lap but from the mutinous expression on his small face at the outrage of being denied Elizabeth’s lap, James did not think Freddie had missed him at all. But James could not help but think that when pouting like that Freddie truly looked like Elizabeth’s son.

“Where is Althea having her lessons?” he asked. “Did you find her a tutor?”

“In the garden,” Elizabeth said. “It seems a shame to not enjoy the weather and the schoolroom – well it is not always easy to concentrate in there of late.” She tickled Freddie under his chin, and he blinked at them innocently as if his wailing had not filled the entire house a mere half an hour ago. “I could not find her a tutor but the governess I have engaged – Miss Murray - her late father was a fellow of the Royal Society and is a marvel with languages. She seems to be keeping Althea challenged.”

 

James glanced out of the garden window – only briefly. He would not interrupt her lessons of course. Elizabeth smiled at him – “I am sure she would not mind,” she said. “She has missed you.”

“But who would supervise the young master?” James said. It would upset them both if he took Freddie back upstairs and clearly, they could not be left alone. “I will see her soon – perhaps she can dine with us tonight.” Elizabeth was non-committal in her answer and James wondered just how little she had been eating.

Fortunately, before he could worry over much about that Althea appeared in the doorway – she had a pretty pastel drawing in hand. Clearly, she had meant to show it to Elizabeth who sat up at once to show an interest but Althea dropped the piece of paper at the sight of James. “Papa,” she squealed loudly and there was no mistaking the joy in her voice. Freddie grumbled and put his hands over his ears, which James could not help but find amusing. James shifted Freddie to one arm as best he could so he could draw Althea into his embrace. “I have a governess now Papa,” Althea told him. “And have lessons every day – she is teaching me to draw and read Latin and algebra.”

“Goodness all of that,” James said. “I hope you will still have time for cards with your Papa.”

“Yes,” said Althea. “Of course, Miss Murray was going to teach me chess but Mama told her not to because she said you are an expert teacher.”

James smiled and kissed her hair. “Well I do not know if I am an expert,” he said. “But it is rather a family tradition that daughters learn chess from their fathers. And I am looking forward to upholding it.”

Althea kissed him on the cheek. “Of course, you are an expert! Mama said so.” James glanced at Elizabeth who was smiling just a little to see him with the children (and being corrected on his own expertise,) but it was a relief. Elizabeth had dealt with grief before and while the last thing he wanted was more of it for her,

“Well then,” James said. “I suppose I must be.”

 

* * *

That night at dinner, Althea – who was wearing her swallow necklace with pride - kept up a constant chatter about her lessons and Miss Murray. The governess seemed extremely popular with her charge. Elizabeth was quiet for the most part, she pushed her food around her plate and only took a bite when she noticed James watching her.

After dinner – Althea bid them both good night and took herself upstairs. “I had no idea one could be so attached to a governess,” Elizabeth had said quietly. It had meant to be a joke but had fallen rather flat and when Elizabeth added. “She was never like this with the nurse.” James knew he had not misread that.

“It’s almost as if being important enough to merit her own attendant means something to her,” James said gently. “We know she was experienced with nurses of old. And you do seem to have gotten her a rather interesting companion.”

 

“Oh, just stop it,” Elizabeth said suddenly and James was baffled by what he did wrong – he had no want to upset her surely, she knew that.

“Elizabeth,” he said cautiously. “Forgive me. I’m not sure what I have done”

“No,” she said. “You are far too reasonable and sensible and forgiving. And I intend to hold it against you.” Then she burst into tears again – right there at the cleared dinner table while James felt his stomach drop.

“I see,” James said, going to her side and folding her into his arms which she resisted for only the briefest of moments before she clung to him. “Well if you are expecting me to berate you for something that pains you so much or scold you for wanting Althea’s attention all to yourself I am afraid Elizabeth you are going to have a long wait.”

He carried her to bed that night and while she allowed that she refused his help undressing – she had dressed simply even for dinner which worried him all the more.  It was one thing to refuse corsets because she disliked them but since the children had come she had made a show of following rules of society and it made him worry, she was still in such discomfort. “Elizabeth did the doctor not give you anything for the pain?” he asked watching her curl up in such a way he did not dare touch her in case he made it worse.

“Laudanum,” Elizabeth said. “Which I won’t take so don’t start. The midwife said the worst of the pains would be gone in a week. I am perfectly capable of managing.” And that was how James realised he had missed being there for his wife by only a matter of _days_. She pleaded with him to go and read to the children as she could not and as usual he could not refuse her anything, fussing over them both and bidding them goodnight after one story which did not earn him the protests he thought it might.

When he returned to Elizabeth, she was sleeping and did at least seem a little more peaceful in her sleep. That was something to be thankful for but James still lay awake most of the night cursing his timing.


	23. Realisation

When James had finally fallen asleep he had only slept a few hours before he woke in the early hours to find the bed beside him empty. He panicked a little but Elizabeth had only returned to her own bed when he checked, she was still sleeping deeply but her pillow was damp and her cheeks tear stained. It worried him – she had seemed able to accept his comfort before. Why not now. Did she blame him for not being here? Still think he blamed her? Or was he just a reminder or what she had lost.

He said nothing about the change in the sleeping arrangement at breakfast – as worried as he was Elizabeth could sleep where she liked and he would never make a fuss. And when she caught him watching her surreptitiously over breakfast she seemed to make a more concerted effort to eat which was gratifying given she had been pushing the food around her plate as if that would make it reduce in volume.

 

After breakfast when she was safely settled in the drawing room, James had managed to establish with the housekeeper that the drawing room had been selected because of a combination of Elizabeth being unwilling to spend her days abed in general, her bed being the site of her loss and the proximity to Freddie fussing had resulted in Elizabeth not getting any rest at all. He gave her an hour to get settled and then went to the nursery. He consulted with the nurse briefly then took Freddie and his building blocks, the toy that was best at distracting him apparently, and took them both to the drawing room. James spent the day helping Freddie build ever more elaborate constructions – which Freddie subsequently demolished – and doing his best to stop him clambering over Elizabeth.

He held Freddie while Elizabeth fed him a lunch of stewed apple and walked back and forth with him when he began to whine tiredly. When Freddie finally fell asleep James took him to Elizabeth and let her curl up with the sleeping child – when Freddie was still his weight was not too much for her. For a moment, he felt like he had done well but when he stepped away – just for a moment to watch Althea at her lessons, he came back to find Elizabeth crying softly into Freddie’s hair. He knelt beside them and brushed her tears away and held tightly to her hand, only for her to turn away again. When Freddie woke, he took him back to the nursery feeling helpless being kicked the entire way upstairs by an angry toddler who was wailing for his mama. “Come now, Freddie,” James tried – at least he could talk to Freddie. “Your mother needs to rest. I’m not so bad, am I? And you like Nurse don’t you?”

“No,” Freddie said stubbornly and repeatedly. Though on reaching the nursery he was certainly much keener on Nurse than he had been on James.

“Never mind, sir.” The nurse said gently. “It’s a contrary age he’s at. He’d be acting up even if Missus Norrington was well. He’ll grow out of it soon enough.”

“Shan’t,” Freddie said mutinously clinging to the nurse and turning his face away when James patted at his hair affectionately.

“Yes, you shall, young man,” his nurse said but James could only be glad he wasn’t screaming for Elizabeth anymore – that only seemed to upset her more.

 

When he went downstairs he found Elizabeth was curled up – her face pressed into the lounge, pretending to be asleep. He took the hint. That night she did not even come to dinner and was asleep in her own bed before he retired. James could only hope she was having a more peaceful night.

A week later the doctor called again and pronounced Elizabeth much improved physically – which was a relief in part fashion. His advice to James was nothing less than insulting as he delicately advised Elizabeth was _recovered_ but should be given time before they tried again for a child if James wanted to make other _arrangements_. James had silently shown the man out fuming at the implication and only later wondered at the implication that another pregnancy – a successful pregnancy was possible. He supposed it didn’t matter what the doctor thought – it was not a question James would ask of a man who clearly thought so little of women in general. No doubt the man would advise James do whatever he liked with no thoughts for what Elizabeth wanted or what another loss had meant to her at all. 

 

* * *

Elizabeth took up walking again as soon as her health allowed it. James knew she went to the churchyard sometimes and sometimes to the beach. But mostly he had very little idea of where she went, sometimes she took Freddie who remained demanding of her attention. He only learned she sometimes called on Mrs Gillette so that Freddie could play with young Theo when the Lieutenant mentioned it in passing.

 

One day she had come in – Freddie had been in her arms clearly tired out for the day and Elizabeth was attempting to take off her neat jacket without disturbing him. James came down the hall and took Freddie who collapsed against him, and snuffled a little not even caring he had been moved – James would not have thought such a thing possible before they had the children.  “I see having a playmate seems to agree with him,” he said softly, rocking back and forth a little, not wanting to wake the baby. He had no idea how long he’d been asleep and Freddie had taken to refusing to go down for his nap of late and then spending the afternoon in a foul temper with everyone because he was tired.

Elizabeth had flinched at his words, her dark eyes suddenly wide with hurt. She had wrung her hands in the coat while turning away from him, the little colour she had draining from her face. James stared uncertain for a moment and it dawned on him how his words could have been taken. “I just meant Young Theo,” he said awkwardly, “Lt Gillette claims they are the best of friends. Elizabeth I didn’t mean.”

“Of course, you didn’t,” Elizabeth said quietly in a polite tone that she used in society and not usually on him. “Here give him back and I’ll see if he’ll go down for a nap in the nursery – give everyone an easier afternoon.”

James might have hung on to the baby if it would make Elizabeth stay and listen to him but she took Freddie firmly from his arms and he could not wrestle her for him so he let go and watched her flee upstairs feeling particularly helpless.

 

And when he was alone – which he often was when not at the fort between Freddie’s tantrums, Althea’s lessons and Elizabeth’s wandering – he was _angry_. Not for the loss – never that. Not that Elizabeth seemed to realise that. But that she could still have so _little_ trust in him, that she would think he would blame her. James had never been able to resent her for long when he had reason let alone over something like this. All he wanted was to make it better but he barely saw her except at meals.

 

* * *

One day, he came home with good news – the long-awaited ship he had wished to assign to Groves and give him his step had finally been assigned and Theo would not be a lieutenant (or presumably a single man) much longer. He thought Elizabeth might wish to hold a congratulatory dinner given her friendship with the lieutenant. He found her watching Althea and Miss Murray through a window, much as he liked to when he had a chance. “She does seem settled,” she said to him, almost wistful.

“Very,” James said. “And I suppose a governess is more appropriate in many ways.” There were many in society who would think it odd for a girl to have a tutor or for them to have Althea educated in anything other than becoming a lady. James hardly cared but having everything seem proper would not give his brother or mother any further ammunition to attempt to recall Althea. And he thought Althea would be much keener than Elizabeth in being like the other girls.  But this unthinking remark had Elizabeth turn on him at once, her eyes flashing with temper.

“Yes,” she said. “God forbid anyone knows Althea has a mind of her own.”

James supposed he shouldn’t be surprised at what Elizabeth might think of him now. “That was not what I meant,” he said stiffly. But Elizabeth had stalked off in a huff into the garden to interrupt the lesson to fuss over Althea in some way.

 

James had never been more tempted to drink during the day and he might have but he was interrupted by the governess entering the house. Miss Murray was closer to his age that Elizabeth’s, a stout woman with wild red hair that was always threatening to escape any hat or cap she wore and a face that seemed more freckle than not. But when James had listened in on Althea’s lessons, she was clearly a competent teacher and Althea adored her. Currently however he could barely make out the woman behind the pile of books she was carrying which wobbled precipitously when she attempted to curtsy when she spotted him. James rescued her from the miniature library – nearly knocking the _Iliad_ to the floor. “Greek today?” he asked. “Or Classics?”

“Bit of both sir,” Miss Murray said cheerfully. “Miss Norrington is fond of a good story, makes the language sink in a bit quicker – my father always said so anyway.”

“You have not found it to be true?” James asked.

“Miss Norrington is my first pupil sir,” Miss Murray told him. “I was my father’s assistant you see and none of the other posts I applied for – well I know a bit too much on the serious topics and not enough of the ladylike business. Singing and sewing and all that.” Miss Murray suddenly paled as much as she could behind the freckles and sounded much less sure of herself. “Mrs Norrington said it was just what she wanted.”

James had not meant to make the Governess fear for her job. “Indeed.” He said. “Just as required and your art lessons are unparalleled at least,” – James seemed to receive a new sketch from Althea every other day, he had kept them altogether to take to sea with him.

“Oh,” Miss Murray said in a scoff. “Well, a scientist has to be able to draw – for sketching the specimens.”

James nodded and let Miss Murray return to the schoolroom under promising to send the books up with a footman. No wonder so many of Althea’s sketches were labelled.

 

Elizabeth, it turned out had taken Althea shopping, and they both came back in a very bright mood. It was the first time he had seen Elizabeth smile in an age and Althea was very keen to tell him about the dress she had ordered and to show him a new yellow ribbon she had to match it. “What a lovely colour,” he had said. “I am sure it will look splendid in your hair.”

Althea ran off to show Miss Murray and Elizabeth watched her, ignoring him. She clearly had enjoyed the afternoon. “Did you get something new as well?” he asked. He was not sure who took more pleasure in seeing Althea and Elizabeth in matching gowns – himself or Althea.

“No,” she said quietly. “I just wanted to spend some time with her.” Elizabeth glanced at him stubbornly as if expecting him to disapprove of that. James swallowed down his own hurt and instead forged on with the notion he had come up with this afternoon.

“There is no reason you shouldn’t,” he said. “She does not need to be in lessons all the time.”

“I am perfectly capable of managing the household and children,” Elizabeth told him and went upstairs. No doubt she would avoid him for days again, James thought frustrated.

 

* * *

It took him several days to come up with something that might work, everything he said seemed to upset Elizabeth further these days. But if he was going to upset her well – he might as well do it in a way that got her something she wanted.

He had to wait until Elizabeth joined him for dinner on an evening that Althea did not. He did not want to panic their daughter with his plan.

“I have been speaking to Miss Murray and I’m afraid I’m not sure she is suitable,” James said – he was addressing his plate of chicken more than Elizabeth. It was odd to deliberately set out to upset her but she would not listen to reason – not coming from him. “She has no experience of society – cannot dance, sing or sew – you know I am not sure if she can even play an instrument? I am all for Althea being occupied but she will have to be suitably educated to run a house and take her place in society that is expected of our daughter.”

Elizabeth looked as if she wanted to run him through right there in the dining room and was silent for a long moment. “I can assure you that my daughter will be perfectly equipped to handle anything society throws at her,” she said icily. “And you will not interfere with my running of the household. James. That is my job and you have had no complaints so far.”

She did not speak to him for a week but he knew from Mrs Clark that she was now spending three afternoons a week with Althea sewing and laboriously teaching her pianoforte. And she seemed much happier for the time spent with Althea even if she remained in a foul temper with him. But given that she seemed alternatively convinced he blamed her or to be blaming him in some way her temper made very little difference to his life. And he got to see her happy with the children – which he wanted. They were the light of his life currently as well.

 

One afternoon he was working on a report in his study and was distracted by a giggle by his door – he looked over and Freddie ducked away from the door with another giggle. James carefully turned his attention back to his report, hiding a smile when Freddie stuck his head in the door and grinned clearly convinced he was getting away with something. James studiously pretended to ignore him as Freddie toddled round the room looking ever more pleased with himself until he sidled over to the desk. “Papa,” he said loudly. “Papa look!”

James peered over the desk at him. “Goodness,” he said. “How did you get out of the nursery young man?”

“Shhh,” said Freddie and crawled under the desk to grip James’ leg. “Up!”

James scooped him and perched him on his knee. He gave Freddie a paper wrapped stick of graphite and a sheet of paper and let him scribble away while he rang for a maid. He would not want the nurse to fret.

 

It was a pleasant way to spend the afternoon – Freddie did not call for Elizabeth or Althea once – there was the odd occasion he tried to chew on the graphite but was eventually dissuaded by proffering more paper. If James guided his hand he could make the occasional shape rather than scribble and with a great deal of patience James managed to help Freddie draw four stick figures, two tall and one short and an unflattering ball like self-portrait that took up most of the page. “Me!” Freddie exclaimed delightedly. 

“Very good Freddie,” James said bouncing him with a laugh which died at Freddie’s next words.

“Mama,” he said squirming and gripping the paper in one hand. James paused but could hardly deny Freddie his mother.

“Let’s go find her,” he said, bouncing Freddie in his arms.

 

Elizabeth was in her own sitting room which had once again become a room James did not use. She did not flinch at the sight of him which he could only be glad of – “Hello,” he said a little awkwardly. “Freddie has something to show you,” he added, gently setting Freddie on his feet so he could toddle over to show off his masterpiece. James was sure as little as _he_ was welcome in her presence – Elizabeth would like the drawing. She had dozens of Althea’s bits of artworks scattered about and while she fussed over Freddie, James could not help looking through them only to have his heart flip when in the middle of Althea’s ever improving artwork was a sketch in Elizabeth’s hand – it was very like the pose in the family portrait except Elizabeth had drawn herself heavily pregnant and he was surprised how much it stung him to see. He had pictured it of course.  When she had told him. Even before that – the sight of Elizabeth swollen with his child had been a fond dream, during their first engagement while he ignored signs of her disinterest. After she had left him when no matter how he tried he had managed to think of rather deluded fantasies where she returned to him for some reason. And of course, he had never been able to stop thinking about her actual pregnancy and her loss since he had learned of it. He set the drawing down carefully – he could not help feeling like he had invaded her privacy and he felt it, even more when he glanced at her to see that while she was holding Freddie she was watching him.

 

“That was how I was going to tell you,” Elizabeth said quietly. “Before the news changed.”

“I did not mean to pry,” James said. “I thought these were all Althea’s.” He knew he should stop looking at the drawing but he could not seem to bring himself to do it. “It was a lovely notion,” he said. The drawing was wonderful – she had drawn him leaning to kiss her cheek with one hand on the swell of her belly. He could picture it so easily. “I am so sorry I was not here for you, Elizabeth. I cannot imagine how difficult it was for you.”

Freddie looked between them and then clung firmly to Elizabeth’s leg and she picked him up then kissed James’ cheek. “It was not your fault,” she said. And there was a brief flare of relief – to think that she did not blame him and he drew her close which she allowed for the briefest moment before she pulled away and finally made plain why she was avoiding him. “It was mine,” she said. “I do not know how you do not detest me, James. And I can’t look at you without thinking that you should.” Elizabeth took Freddie then and left him there stunned by how badly he had misunderstood her and by how harshly she was judging herself.

 

 

 


	24. Rekindling

James had taken the drawing. It was wrong of him of course but Elizabeth had no use for it. He had put it away in his study – it was not just a reminder of the loss but for him, a reminder Elizabeth had been happy carrying _his_ child. And had planned a sweet way to tell him. A reminder that their relationship had not been like it was now.

Elizabeth had been grieving before and had still come to love him. They could get past this.

He went to her that night – she might very well reject his company but he had to try. He was not angry with her no matter that she seemed to think he should be.

 

“Might I join you?” he said quietly standing in the doorway, watching her. Elizabeth was sat at her dressing table – smoothing a brush through her hair. It was nearly always braided out of the way these days and just looking at the curls loose around her face made him want to run his fingers through her hair.

The question was more nerve-wracking than he expected. If Elizabeth did not resent him as he had thought her revelation that she blamed herself hardly improved matters. Elizabeth paused for a moment and James almost held his breath until she nodded.

“I would like that,” she admitted and came to him and folded herself in his arms. He held her tightly for a moment and then forced himself to let go.

 

“I did not want to impose,” he explained haltingly – “when I woke up and found you gone.”

Elizabeth looked down for a moment and then met his gaze. “It hardly seemed fair to expect you to comfort me,” she paused. “And I could not bear your grief on top of mine. It made me feel worse.”

“I would always offer you comfort, Elizabeth,” James told her at once. It still felt like a privilege that he could comfort her. “I never meant for you to think that.”

“I know,” Elizabeth said. “I didn’t mean that you did. But it grieved you – and I felt responsible.”

“It was not your fault,” James said. He could not bear the notion of her blaming herself. “Elizabeth – no-one could think you wanted this to happen. And it is not uncommon.” James was on shakier ground there – he had no real knowledge of such matters or the likelihood of such things but it was not the first such loss he had heard of. Elizabeth retreated from him a little and James dropped the subject sure he was making things worse. He sat down on the bed. “How are Althea’s lessons going?” he asked. This brought a smile back to Elizabeth’s face at once.

 

“Very well,” she said and she sat beside him. “But you can stop being so smug – you won’t fool me like that again.  Fire Miss Murray indeed. You’ve never dismissed a servant in your life. I can’t believe I didn’t see what you were up to!”

“I admit subterfuge is not my forte,” James said. “But that only makes it all the more effective. I expect I might be able to get away with fooling you again. In a year or so.”

“Well now I shall be on the lookout,” Elizabeth said and he had won the slight hint of a smile from her, which prompted him to lean in and kiss her just a little, only for her to stiffen in his arms. He let go at once and she pulled away and fussed with her hair, trying to seem nonchalant and carrying on their conversation.  “Anyway, you must come listen to her at piano – she had been working very hard and is certainly better than I was at her age.” James agreed at once. Althea was getting better at asking for his attention but he knew it would mean more if she did not have to ask.

 

Elizabeth retreated to her side of the bed after that and James wondered if he should say something. They had never slept so far apart. He had not meant the kiss to be taken as a request for something more or anything she was not ready for. She put out the lamp and he touched her shoulder in the dark. “Elizabeth, please come here.” He said. He did not like to ask. Did not like to do anything that would make her feel obligated. But he wanted her in his arms more than anything and then she would see he did not want more than to hold her. She was trembling when she came close and he stroked her back and kissed her hair and she clung a little which he was glad for. Except she had not taken his meaning and had it seemed steeled herself to more.

“Do you want . . .” she slid one hand downwards making her offer more obvious/

“No,” he said capturing the hand and bringing it to his lips to kiss it. “I just want to hold my wife -Elizabeth. I have _missed_ you.”

Elizabeth relaxed then and rested her head on his shoulder. “Well you may hold me whenever you want James – I missed that too.” James had the best night sleep he had had since he returned with her in his arms and was relieved to wake in the morning to find her still settled in his arms.

 

* * *

The next day James decided again to tell her the news about Groves’ step and suggest they hold a congratulatory dinner over breakfast.

Elizabeth had seemed both pleased and perturbed. Though James could think of an obvious source for that. He was not sure that she had spoken to Althea about her plans for Groves that would be overthrown when the Lieutenant made post and was finally permitted to propose but when he brought this up, Elizabeth laughed.

“No, Althea is quite dissuaded from that,” Elizabeth assured him. “Her current requirement is that her future husband must be an officer and a scholar and Theo’s Latin is severely lacking in her eyes. I don’t dare tell her I doubt he has any Greek at all. No, I am sure she will wish him and Miss Bellamy very happy indeed. It is not that.” James was baffled then but eventually, Elizabeth explained.

 

“I am not sure if I am the right person to host such an event,” Elizabeth finally said. “I have tried very hard to be social - you know that. I have accepted invites and went to teas and paid calls. All that rubbish. And nearly everyone includes us on their invite lists. But not everyone. And only Mrs Gillette ever returns my calls. It’s why I’ve never hosted anything before. I’m not sure who would come. I would not want to spoil Theo’s promotion for him.”

That had astounded James – he had assumed Elizabeth hadn’t hosted events because she didn’t want to and that she only attended events as part of her attempts to be a proper wife. And he was outraged at the thought of people snubbing her, which Elizabeth realised at once from the look on his face. “Don’t fuss,” she told him. “My reputation is hardly unfairly earned is it. I was a pirate. And a prisoner. I was condemned to hang until you married me.”

“You are my _wife_ ,” James said. “And if they are happy to live under my protection then they should accept you. Who does not invite us?” Belatedly it occurred to him that Elizabeth’s haphazard method of dealing with invites had been a way to conceal this from him. He had no way of knowing who had not invited them and who Elizabeth had just declined.

Elizabeth only looked at him and he could see from the set of her jaw, she had no intention of answering that. “No-one I miss,” she told him. “In fact, I will host the party and I am sure any navy families will attend which is the important thing. And I am sure the Bellamy’s will hold a much bigger event once the engagement is announced.”

James was unable to dissuade her. Or get a single name of those who had cut or snubbed her from her either. And then he had to go and actually tell the lieutenant that he would be receiving his step resolving that he would take this up with Elizabeth later.

 

Of course, later when James found Elizabeth to bring the subject up again Elizabeth had Althea with her being advised on how properly to draw up a guest list so he could not even ask the question.

He tried a different tack then. “That looks a fine list, Althea,” he said. “May I see it.” Althea handed it over beaming and James made note of each name. If any of them did not attend he would _know_.

“Mama says I can help with the menu,” Althea said proudly. “And pick _all_ the flowers for the house for the party.” James looked at Elizabeth who had the grace to look a little shame faced at this.

“I have told you dearest, that is not a treat,” she reminded Althea. “You know much more about flowers than I do,” Elizabeth said. She turned back to James, “Althea and Miss Murray have grand plans for the rose garden.”

“Only if Papa doesn’t mind,” Althea said at once looking wide-eyed at him.

“Of course, I do not mind,” James said. “It’s a splendid notion.” He knew of old that Elizabeth cared not one whit for flowers. He had tried in vain to determine what her favourite flower was when they were courting – well when he had been courting her and she had gone along with it – probably to please her father. She had only frustrated him by picking a different flower for every conversation before finally admitting she didn’t really care. But if Althea did like flowers, it would be good for her to have something all her own. “I am sure you will do a wonderful job.”

“Miss Murray is going to send off for special seeds and I am going to pay with my allowance,” Althea told him happily. “And we can have experiments to see what grows here and what is the best soil and we can make plant food to make the flowers grow even better”

“Goodness,” James said crouching beside her seat to assure her. “It sounds like it is going to be very involved. But you know I will pay for anything for the garden Althea – your allowance is for you.”

Althea was visibly put out by that and despite his frustration with her, James looked helplessly at Elizabeth.

“What Papa means is that the garden is part of the house, so perhaps you should have a special extra allowance for managing it. Like I have one for running the house.” Elizabeth said mildly.

Althea looked at him then – still unconvinced. “Is that what you meant?” she demanded.

James nodded. At least Althea felt able to question him even – he did not know what he had done wrong now and that seemed to satisfy as Althea kissed his cheek then embraced him briefly. “I will tell Miss Murray,” she said. “She has got me a seed catalogue to order from.” And off she went. Which meant he could question Elizabeth again but he was too puzzled by Althea’s behaviour.

 

“That is my fault,” Elizabeth told him before he could ask. “The last time I took Althea to town,” Elizabeth said. “She ran off to the haberdashery and bought that yellow ribbon to match the dress she’d just been fitted for. I could not understand it. But on the way home she showed me her allowance – she still had all of it. Whenever she wants anything I just buy it for her. It was frustrating her quite a bit. Her instinct is to spend money as soon as she gets it – before anything else happens to it.”

“Oh,” said James. He should have seen. “My sister was much the same,” he said. “I’d forgotten – I never had an allowance being away from home so soon but Claire – as soon as she had her allowance she would go and spend it right away. Before Archibald could come asking for a loan.”

 

“Ah,” Elizabeth said. “Of course, it is something like that. I was hoping it was just the novelty. My father never let me have money so I might have been the same. He just set up accounts for me.” James gave her a long look and she laughed. “Oh alright, perhaps he set up accounts because he said I could no longer be trusted with an allowance.”

“Yes, well if Althea runs off to the blacksmith’s shop or a tattoo parlour perhaps we will rethink her allowance too,” James said. “Where else was it that panicked your father?”

“I tried to buy passage to Nassau,” Elizabeth said. “When he went to a conference with the Governor there and wouldn’t take me. I suspect it isn’t something we shall have to worry about with Althea.”

“I don’t know,” James said. “She does seem rather fond of your tattoo.” He was delighted when this made her laugh. And she came around the desk to kiss him.

“I am sure I can warn her off,” she said. “She thinks it is a _drawing_. For all my ambitions at thirteen, I can’t imagine that I would have actually put up with the needle.”

 

* * *

That night Elizabeth came to his room before he could join her. She was dressed for bed and she had an envelope in hand. “You missed our anniversary,” she told him and James was taken aback. He had been aware. He had felt badly about it while at sea, guilty that he had not arranged something before he left but he had been in two minds about celebrating the anniversary of their wedding anyway. He was not sure Elizabeth would wish to remember it given the circumstance. And that had been before he had come home to find Elizabeth ill and grieving.

“I did not forget,” James said coming to her side. “I was not sure it was something you wished to celebrate.” Their wedding – well it had not been memorable in a good way. Elizabeth convinced she was dying, mourning her child and wedding him as a last resort.

“My poor darling,” Elizabeth said, kissing him. “Is that what you thought? I was so awful to you. Of course, I wish to celebrate it. No matter what - I will always be very glad I married you. I love you.”

James was surprised just what a relief it was to hear her say it- things had been so difficult lately and he never wanted to push her. Whenever she was distant he did not dare pursue her in case he pushed her further away. He had _missed_ her. “I love you,” he replied. “So much Elizabeth.”

“I know,” Elizabeth said. “Of course, I know,” she leant in to kiss him and cheekily told him. “I am sure you would not put up with me otherwise.” It was a relief to hear her tease again. But she pressed the envelope into his hands. “This is your present but I want your word that you will not open it yet.”

“Of course,” James said, unable to refuse her anything even if it seemed a rather mean present. And the curiosity might drive him mad. “You have my word.”

“It is a list,” Elizabeth said. “Of everyone who has cut or snubbed or dismissed me since you brought me home. And my full permission to open it and resolve the matters in whichever manner you see fit after – and this is the important bit – only after I have hosted Theo’s party.”

 

James could not have been more surprised if she had said it was her pirate vote.

“Truly?” James asked, staring at the envelope. She was always so against him defending her in any way.

“Truly,” Elizabeth said. She sat on the bed and patted the space beside her. He did not take her up on the invitation – not yet. He wanted to hear her reasoning with a clear head. “I have been thinking about it all day. It is an instinct,” she said quietly. “I think I always had it – I have never wanted to appear weak but it got much worse at sea. It had to really, as a woman _and_ a Captain. I could not afford to be weak. And I do not care if those people approve of me or what they think of me but you do care.  And, of course, here they will always think of me as weak because I am a woman– no matter what I do.” James could not argue with that. It was how most of them thought.

“I have never thought that,” James said. “I have always admired how strong you are. Elizabeth, that is not why I wish to defend you.”  It did not matter how strong she was, she was his wife and it was his duty to protect her. To give notice to anyone who thought they could insult her that it would not be tolerated. At all.

“I know,” Elizabeth said. “They will think you don’t care for me if you do not defend me. That you married me for money or lust or some other nonsense. That is why it drives you half mad. So, if you wish to defend me I will not stop you.”

James hesitated – it is not exactly a ringing endorsement but Elizabeth was not done.

“And today I thought of a reason to want you to,” Elizabeth added. “Theo won’t care who comes to his promotion party. He will either be giddy with glee or mad with panic that he has to follow through on his plan to propose. But soon enough I will want to host events for Althea. For girls, her own age – the sort of tea parties and birthday parties and outings that mothers arrange. And I don’t want anyone thinking they can snub her without consequence.”

James exhaled a sigh – that was much more compelling as a reason why Elizabeth would allow this. He was struck by admiration that she would do things for the children she would not for herself or even that she did not want for herself. He set the envelope down.  “You are a wonderful mother,” he told her finally coming to her side and Elizabeth blinked at him her eyes filling a little and then leant in so he could embrace her.

“I mean to be,” Elizabeth said wistfully. She kissed him. “I might even try my hand a being a proper wife,” she murmured against his cheek.

“I do not want a proper wife,” James told her earnestly. “I want you, Elizabeth.” The words had barely left his mouth and he realised how terrible it sounded. “I only meant.” But Elizabeth was laughing at him now and pushed him down to the bed to lay atop him and kiss him

“Yes, I suppose I never gave you enough credit for knowing me before,” she said. “If you wanted a proper wife you would never have proposed to me.”

“You are perfect,” James said. “And that is much more important than proper.”


	25. Reputation

The day of the dinner for the soon to be Captain Groves, Elizabeth fretted a little and tried to hide it as she fussed over the arrangements and then followed that up by locking him out of her room while she dressed for the event. She, of course, allowed Althea to join her as part of her ongoing education in being a lady.  

 James had responded by retrieving Freddie from the nursery and spent the afternoon in his study with Freddie on his knee encouraging him to scribble at drawing after drawing while he laughed and then clung to James. “Are you tired, Freddie?” James asked bouncing him a little. The clinging normally meant Freddie was tired or wanted Elizabeth.

“No,” Freddie said at once which only made James smile, it had been a silly question, Freddie never admitted to being tired.

“Do you want to go back to Nurse?” he suggested and Freddie pouted so instead James decided to see if perhaps Freddie was permitted into Elizabeth’s room when he had been banished. He set Freddie down on his feet and asked. “What about Mama? Do you want to see her?”

 

Freddie’s face lit up at once and he ran right to Elizabeth’s door where he banged and shouted for mama and of course, was allowed in at once. James took complete advantage of that, slipping into the room as well. Elizabeth was sat at her dresser – a maid was fussing with her hair and she was letting Althea look through her jewellery box. She scooped Freddie up without missing a beat and kissed him and then set him down handing over a toy soldier that had made its home on the dressing table. “Just a moment, sweetheart,” she said to him and Freddie sat quietly with the toy, amazing James as always.

“Papa,” Althea scolded. “Mama is not ready yet.” Althea had clearly been fussed over by Elizabeth’s maid too – her hair was in a fancy up do and she’d been at Elizabeth’s cosmetics as well. She was wearing at least four necklaces and had jewelled hair pins in her dark curls.

“I’m not going to stop her getting ready,” James protested in return, while Elizabeth and her maid both hid their her amusement. “Your mother looks lovely,” he added. “As do you.” In truth – the hair style was far too old for Althea to say nothing of the cosmetics, which only looked garish on her small face. But Elizabeth hardly needed them either – she hardly ever wore them and he assumed she had only bought them because it was expected. But Althea beamed up at him and the white lie seemed worth it.

 

It only distracted Althea for a moment though as she sat on the bed with the jewellery box and added another necklace before she looked up at him. “When can I come to parties,” Althea asked. “Mama says I can’t until I’m _sixteen_.” The age was said in a tone of disbelief as if it was very unfair and then she looked up at him expectant and hopeful.

“Mama is as always quite right,” James said, Althea sighed a little but did not really look surprised. “About grown up parties but after your birthday I think perhaps your mother might organise some events for you with the other young ladies in town your own age. Would you like that?”

“Maybe,” Althea said dubiously. “If they are nice?”

“Of course, they will be nice,” Elizabeth said. “Or at least they shall be if they know what’s good for them - Miss Murray and I will be there as well Althea.” Thus, reassured Althea resumed poking through Elizabeth’s jewels content that all would be well.

 

Freddie soon bored of his toy and tugged at Elizabeth’s wrap and when he was not scolded he clambered up into Elizabeth’s lap and sat quiet and content while Elizabeth’s hair was finished. When her hair was done, she cradled Freddie close, fussing over him and talking quietly. Until he reached for one of the dangling curls of her carefully styled hair. Elizabeth laughed and James felt his heart lighten. “No, you don’t my little man,” Elizabeth said grabbing Freddie’s hand and kissing it. She set him on his feet and watched him scamper off laughing.

She came to James’ side and kissed his cheek. “I won’t be long,” she said. “Take the children to the nursery for me?”

 

By the time, James had persuaded them both along to the nursery and read them a story – though it was not their bed time and the nurse would be serving their dinner shortly - Elizabeth had a chance to finish dressing. She was dressed in a deep dark blue damask gown trimmed in gold– enough to compliment his uniform if not match it entirely. She had paired it with the blue amber jewellery and he pulled her close for a kiss. “You look wonderful,” he said sincerely. He was always so struck by her beauty.

“I know you don’t want a proper wife,” she told him, “but I wanted to look the part. It isn’t a little too much is it?”

“No,” James denied at once. “It is perfect. You are perfect.” Elizabeth laughed and held close to him for a moment.

“You know James I am not sure I can trust you to be entirely objective,” she kissed his cheek. “But I suppose I have left it a little late to change my mind.”

 

* * *

James had no more luck keeping Elizabeth’s attention after she was ready – she had gone straight to the kitchen to confer with the cook on some matter and had left him with a brief warning he was to stay out of the nursery while the children ate. He would only distract them and Freddie apparently had developed a habit of throwing food that was best contained in the nursery.

James wondered if that were actually the case or if Elizabeth was merely referring to the fact that he himself had an uncanny knack of getting Freddie’s food on himself even when he wasn’t feeding him if he went anywhere near their son at mealtimes.

 

Elizabeth was called out of the kitchen when Lieutenant Groves was the first of the party guests to arrive. He was a little early but had come to share the news that he had called on the Bellamy household this afternoon and secured a private audience with Miss Bellamy with the expected happy outcome.

James congratulated him wholeheartedly and Elizabeth scolded him when he revealed his plans to announce the engagement that night. “You are to say nothing and let Lady Bellamy announce it at her own event,” she told him firmly. “You are not married yet – you need to keep her on your side.” The lieutenant had been abashed and had promised he would say nothing. This lasted until his fiancée arrived and rushed to his side and told anyone in earshot while showing off her half of the gimmal ring proudly. Miss Bellamy was not one for discreetness which James supposed was part of the attraction between her and the lieutenant.

 

Elizabeth came to his side, her face lit with barely hidden amusement. “I tried,” she said looking at Lady Bellamy who was watching her niece with a rather dark expression, “at least she will be less cross with her niece than poor Theo for spoiling her grand announcement.” James nodding at then at Elizabeth’s nudging went to escort Lady Bellamy into the dining room while Elizabeth was led in by Admiral Bellamy. Elizabeth had managed to arrange the number of guests do that Theo got to escort Miss Bellamy into dinner for all her aunt’s current disapproval.

The meal went well – beyond well, James thought – Elizabeth had excelled in planning and their cook had outdone herself and each remove was well received by the guests. Though Elizabeth barely seemed to eat at all which concerned him – but when the table cloth was cleared and dessert brought out to signal the informal portion of the evening and seats were rearranged, she sat beside him and ate a great deal more of the sweetmeats, cakes and fruit tarts than she had any other course.  She noticed his look as well and reached for his hand, holding tightly for a moment. “Don’t scold,” she said. “I would rather have faced a full-scale broadside than this but it was not so bad and my appetite has just come back.” He was reassured and filled with guilt all at once. She did not have to host parties if she did not want to. But before he could say so, Elizabeth finished her wine and stood and he had to open the door for her to lead the ladies out to the drawing room. 

 

James had never minded the men’s gathering after a dinner usually. There were always some who were coarse and unruly in the absence of the fairer sex but he would prefer to know who they were to allow only a limited acquaintance with such.  And until last year, it was at least the only part of any social event when the determined match making mothers could not pursue him.

Of course, there were ample bottles to be passed which only encouraged such behaviour. Lieutenant Groves was given a gentle ribbing for having being _caught_ given his coming nuptials and while this was somewhat limited in the presences of the bride’s rather protective uncle, attention was drawn to James. Despite being more than a year wed now, he was classed as having only recently succumbed to the married state. Mainly because the unusual circumstance of the wedding had afforded a distinct lack of opportunity for him to be subjected to the usual suggestive humour before his marriage. James bore it stoically in a way he would not when first wed – back then the whole marriage had been an open wound given the assumptions he had formed.

And the ribald jests did not capture his full attention anyway – he could not help thinking of Elizabeth with more than a hint of concern. He had not yet opened the list she had given him, having given his word but he was aware that most of the rejections Elizabeth would have thus far faced would have been from her peers – the wives of the officers and men of society she was now hosting.

 

It was the third or fourth time that he glanced to the door that Groves decided to show some initiative. “I am very glad I have the Admiral’s example to look to,” he announced. “While you all decry the married state he clearly wishes to be by Mrs Norrington’s side – I can only hope that I am as fortunate as he and remain fond of my intended after marriage and not as end up like you sorry lot - desperate for any moment’s refuge.”

James knocked back his glass of brandy. He could not quite bring himself to disapprove of Groves’ words for all the man continually made a rod for his own back by not remaining silent when he should. He stood himself and clapped Theo on the back. “I rather think gentleman that is our cue to join the ladies,” his words drew some groans from the men and it was a little early but as host, he could not be shouted down entirely and they made their way to their drawing room.

 

There was a giggle as they passed the hallway and James glanced up to see Althea crouched at the top of the stairs, holding tightly to Freddie as they spied and trying in vain to shush her brother. James pretended he hadn’t seen – he remembered vividly his older sister doing the same with him when their brothers were old enough to be in society and they were not. Of course, when they had been caught his father had not been amused. His attempts to let the children enjoy their spying without concern were ruined a little when the lieutenant spotted them and waved cheekily causing Althea to retreat at once leaving only the echo of Freddie protesting as she bodily carried him back to the nursery. Lieutenant Groves looked a little abashed for scaring them off.

 

* * *

In the drawing room, Elizabeth was sat by Mrs Gillette and Miss Bellamy - Lady Bellamy was hovering over the piano while Miss Draper played nervously, one eye on the matron. “Miss Bellamy – why don’t you turn the pages for Miss Draper,” Elizabeth suggested. “Give your aunt a break.” Miss Bellamy looked rather forlornly at her fiancée but did as suggested.

James was then forced to set a good example by not immediately going to Elizabeth’s side as she sat and talked with Lady Bellamy or mingled with the other officer’s wives asking after their children. Or when she took her own turn at the piano – he could not even turn the pages given Miss Bellamy was apparently still keen to do so which he attributed to Lieutenant Groves sudden fascination with music.

 

It seemed a very long night, watching Elizabeth manage the room – socialising and chatting and discussing wedding plans with the Bellamy’s. He could not help but wonder how much Elizabeth was detesting all of it. It was only when they had seen all their guests out, that he could take her in his arms. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“Sorry?” Elizabeth said, turning to him. “Whatever for, James. I thought it went splendidly.”

“It did,” James told her. “Everything was wonderful. But I think tonight – I think it was everything you don’t want from life.”  Elizabeth’s face fell a little and she was quiet for a long moment.

“Oh darling,” she said. “It was not that _bad_. And I could have said no – when you suggested it if I really minded it.” Elizabeth paused and patted his arm and steered him into the vacated drawing room and made him sit and settled herself in his lap.  “When you brought me home – right after we were married, I had a lot of time to think on the way home,” James remembered rather vividly– she had spent the entire voyage recovering and ignoring him. He had no expectation of that changing once they were on land and he had assumed she would leave as soon as she could. Then she had started decorating. Started making a life for herself – scolded him for the rooms he had given her. “I know it probably did not seem like it. But by the time we came back here – I had already decided to stay. To be your wife and I was quite aware of all that entailed.” Elizabeth seemed a little flustered here and he cannot deny that this was news to him. He had eventually worked out that she was planning on staying. That she was not as recovered as her attitude had conveyed. But he had no idea she had considered him any more than as an inconvenience – not at that stage. He had felt terrible that he had not seen how badly off she still was then. “I know it must seem cowardly – that I would abandon piracy when I had wanted it for so long. But I could not see myself going back.”

 

James wanted very much to interrupt – to say of course he didn’t find her a coward, he was still horrified by what had happened to her, still filled with anger that the Governor and his staff had dared abuse her so but he did not dare stop her and say so. He wanted to hear what else she had to say. “It took me an age,” Elizabeth carried on, “to realise why you were behaving so oddly. You thought I was going to leave.” She paused. “But if I was going to leave James – I would have done it the instant we arrived in Port Royal – no matter how ill I was. I felt guilty enough I had badgered you into marriage – I would not have used you to recover then abandoned you.” The thought horrified James – she has been so ill if she had done that she would sure have died and he held her a little tighter and she fussed a little with his shirt while she paused.

“I cannot deny I find the whole business of society nonsensical,” Elizabeth said finally. “All the pretence, all the constant consideration of rank and who cares who you actually get on with.  And when I think of all the opportunities that Althea will be denied just because she is a girl – my blood boils. It really does.” Elizabeth looked so fierce then and he loved her all the more for it. “But it is not just here it is a limitation,” she said. “I came by my first captaincy in a rather unorthodox manner and Pirate King or not – I knew my chances of drumming up another crew. Rather less than a man who had suffered the same misfortune.” James could not deny that there would be difficulties either way – he had wanted to point out when she was younger that piracy was not exactly rife with opportunities for women no matter that they did not follow the laws of society. He could only imagine what she would have thought of that coming from him. And her father had strictly discouraged anyone from speaking of such topics to her.

“But I did choose to stay,” she said. “I chose to stay and be your wife and if I was willing to put up with all of this nonsense for the sake of keeping my word and being the wife I said I would. Why would I not do it now we have a real marriage?” she said. “There is nothing I would not do for you - for our family?” She kissed him and James could not be entirely relieved – it still was an obligation for her even if not quite as abhorrent to her as he thought.  “Besides,” she said quietly. “I am not unaware I owe Theo just as much as you do. If not more and I cannot secure him his step like you did. I could at least celebrate it for him.  I am not going to entertain for the sake of it but I think I can hold up our end of social obligation.” She settled herself a little closer to him and nuzzled his neck and confided. “Besides next time we socialise I will not be hosting and I will not have to set a good example for the newly engaged and I can hang off your arm all night if I want. That makes society much more bearable.”

 

James relaxed just a touch. “Well that sounds like a much better way to spend an event,” he said holding her close. And it was true at other society events she spent her time with him and the lieutenant and Mrs Gillette and had seemed content enough.

“I am glad to hear it,” Elizabeth said teasingly. “Now come to bed James – and stop worrying.”

“Never,” James said. “You are my wife – I am allowed to worry. But I am glad it is not too much of a burden.” Elizabeth laughed at him and slipped out of his lap to take his hand and lead him upstairs.

“Come to bed,” she said firmly. “No more worrying tonight.”

 


	26. Recreation

James woke the morning after the party with a faint headache that was not enough to distract from the sensation of Elizabeth teasing him with her mouth. He blinked down at her and knew he should protest - but he could not help but hold out some hope this was a sign she wanted more and he would be allowed to repay the favour when she was done. And when he was done -  when she had driven him quite mad with pleasure and he'd arched under her with a groan of her name perhaps he could admit to himself how much he had wanted that. Wanted some closeness with her. The weeks since she had returned to his bed he had been half mad with want and had tried to keep it from her.

So, when he reached to touch her and she pulled his hand up to kiss it briefly and assure him. "Not just now," James felt awful that he had not stopped her – that he had not practiced some control "Don't look like that," Elizabeth added immediately. "I _wanted_ to do that James, I wanted to something for you - I love you. I like to please you."

James felt like a fumbling boy as he told her. "I would rather wait until you are recovered. I would like to please you too." He did not know why he must keep saying that – why he couldn’t he convince her. And he felt even more foolish when her response to this was to kiss his cheek and to surprise him with a question.

 

"How many other women have you had James? Before me?" Elizabeth settled herself in his lap, watching him with a keen interest in her brown eyes.

James balked at once – why on earth would she ask that. "I do not see what that has to do with it?" he told her. He had always done his best to see any physical relationship he took part in was mutually satisfactory but none of them had come close to what he had with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth eyed him for this lack of answer and then to his horror began to guess. "Five? Ten?" she ventured. "Did you visit houses of ill repute? That would push the number up I suppose. Unless you had a favourite. Were you a loyal customer?"

 

James scowled - he did not like this conversation at all and how did she know him so well - the only time he had had any involvement with a prostitute, he had visited the same one repeatedly. He sat up intending to leave the bed. But Elizabeth wound herself into his arms and blinked at him beguilingly. "I'm sorry," she said softly sounding genuinely contrite. "I did not mean to tease - I do have a reason for asking. I’m not just trying to be awful."

"Four," James said shortly unable as always to refuse her anything no matter how awkward or uncomfortable for himself. And when she looked at him expectantly clearly expecting more details he carried on reluctantly. "When I turned fifteen Archibald took me to our father's club and once I was good and drunk we went from there to his favoured brothel in London. He bought me a girl for the night and two for himself secure in the knowledge my father would pick up the bill for my being made a man of." He spoke clipped and detached wondering why she was so determined to know this. "And I went back myself," he admitted. "Until I ran out of money. That was the last time I behaved in such a manner. The others - they were more discreet affairs. In society." He stopped there and hoped it would be enough for her. He did not intend to name names. There was only one Elizabeth may have encountered but even so.

 

"And you do not have any natural children." she said almost to herself.

It was not a question truly – but James confirmed it bewildered. "No," he confirmed. "I am - I have always been _careful_ Elizabeth. I would never wish any encounter I had to be a burden.”

"And did you not mind?" Elizabeth said quietly. "Being careful?"

 

Then suddenly James understood. What she was asking. _Why_ she was asking. "Of course, I _didn't_ mind." He said. "I don't mind. I would never mind being careful of someone's reputation.” He paused carefully. “Or being careful of your health." Elizabeth watched him, her eyes wide, her cheeks a little pink. "Though I am not sure you could have asked that question without needing to know of every woman I have had an intimate encounter with,” he said, pulling her close for a kiss.

Elizabeth grinned cheekily at him. “Now where is the fun in that,” she said. “Perhaps I was a little curious. And I hardly think it would have been better to suddenly ask how much control you had over your aim.”

James laughed – he could imagine that might have perplexed him a little but not nearly as much as her demand had. “You know there is no rush,” he said. “I would wait as long as you need.”

“I know,” Elizabeth said leaning into him. “But you do not need to wait,” she said quietly. “I am ready. I have missed you – so much. I just needed to know that we could avoid certain outcomes – that you wouldn’t _mind”-_

James slipped his arms around her. “Of course I don’t mind,” he said. “We have a family – and you were so ill.”

Elizabeth relaxed against him and shushed him. “I have been worse,” she said. As if he needed reminding. “You will not need to finish in the sheets _all_ the time,” she added in a cheery tone. “I will work it out with a calendar.” James nodded. If was not as if he would not have agreed to anything she wanted anyway but now he was doubly happy to do so if it meant an end to this discussion. “Once I have done that,” she said. “I think I will count myself recovered.” Then she slipped out of his arms and out of bed and left James all at once roused and worried he had pressured her into saying that and planning to disuade her that it was necessary at the earliest possible juncture.

 

* * *

James would have been disinclined to bring such things up over breakfast anyway of course, given the servants. But even if he had ignored that instinct to tell Elizabeth there was no rush, Elizabeth had brought both Freddie and Althea to the table this morning. Freddie beamed at him around a mouthful of jammy toast that Elizabeth had cut into manageable pieces for him but Althea looked a little worried and James came over and kissed the top of her head. “Did you enjoy your people watching?” he said. “Your aunt Claire and I used to do that when I was younger.”

Althea relaxed at once she saw she was not in trouble. “I wanted to see the dresses,” she said. “No-one had anything near as nice as Mamas. And Freddie wanted to see the officers. Didn’t you Freddie?”

“Yes,” said Freddie clearly with another jammy smile. “Officer.”

James laughed – he could have pointed out that they had officers in the army just as much but he could not help but like Althea’s determination that Freddie was to be like him – if Freddie felt pressured when he was older he would worry about that then.

 

But he was drawn out of his good mood when a maid came to Elizabeth’s side and whispered in her ear – her expression concerned him. “Please excuse me a moment,” Elizabeth said standing forcing James to his feet as well. “Anna – can you stay and help the Admiral with the children.”

“I am quite able to manage,” James said at once. “We’ll be fine, won’t we?” Althea agreed rapidly and Freddie blinked innocently. Elizabeth and the maid were barely out of the dining room door when Freddie launched a piece of toast at James and hit him square in the forehead while he shouted with laughter. And Althea joined in after only a brief moment.

“That’s not nice Freddie,” she said after the giggles had stopped. “Eat your toast, Mama put jam on it just as you like it.”

It was entirely worth having toast thrown at him, James thought, to hear Althea laugh like that instead of fret with worry and think he might lose his temper but then she tried to wipe his face with a napkin she had spat on and he had to put of her using his own napkin and make a bad job of it – he was only moving the jam around it felt.

When Elizabeth returned, she said nothing at first but he could see amusement on her face and she picked Freddie out of his high chair, bouncing him on her knee. “That’s odd Freddie,” she said. “Your papa seems to have jam in his wig? How could that have happened do you think?”

Freddie blinked innocently at her for a moment then announced very proudly indeed. “Me!”

“At least you are honest,” she said with a smile. “Naughty boy.” She kissed his hair and set him down. “Tell Papa you are sorry and won’t do it again.”

Freddie looked at her then at James. “No,” he said decisively and then ran for the door instead. But as nimble as Freddie was these days, door handles were not his forte and he wrestled with the ornate knob for a brief moment and then sat down hard with a sigh.

Elizabeth went to him and picked him up and brought him back to the table – Freddie squirmed in her arms wanting to be down and after a long moment he lost that battle of wills and muttered a very quiet very grumpy single word apology to the table refusing to look at either of them.

 

“Never mind Freddie,” Elizabeth said. “How would you like to spend the day with Althea and I? Miss Murray has had a family issue come up so there are no lessons this week.” Elizabeth looked a little concerned as she said this glancing at Althea who thankfully appeared unphased. She did not seem to mind whether she spent time with her Governess or Elizabeth James had noticed being pleased to have either’s attention.

“And Papa?” Freddie asked at once and Elizabeth looked at James. James was relieved the toast incident was not some sort of rejection.

“Yes, I think I can manage that,” James said. “Perhaps we might go out for the day?” Althea looked excited and even Elizabeth looked intrigued. There were not many places they could go out and take Freddie.

“Yes,” she said. “I think we should – shall we let Papa surprise us?”

James could only be pleased – he had had an idea in mind for some time for a family outing that he had not been able to implement between Elizabeth’s illness and Althea’s lessons. “I think I can manage that,” he said confidently.

 

Elizabeth took the children upstairs to get them ready – James suggested some of their more hardwearing clothing. If possible. He wasn’t sure Althea had any clothing that could be considered plain anymore – Elizabeth did but only for sparring and he sent to the kitchen for a picnic basket for the day.

 

* * *

The entire time they were in the carriage on the way to the docks, Elizabeth was eying him clearly desperately curious about their destination but unable to demand answers in front of the children. Althea had asked to hold Freddie in the carriage which Elizabeth allowed – as long as Freddie was not squirming and was clearly gleeful about a family outing and Freddie, of course, was taking his cues from her bouncing a little in his sister’s arms.

When they alighted at the docks he could see the concern in Elizabeth’s eyes. Freddie was wriggling to be down and James scooped him out of Althea’s arms before he could squirm his way down and run off. “We just need to get cork jackets for you and your sister, young man,” he said. “I have some in my office I ordered specially.” He chucked Freddie under his chin. “Then we are going sailing.”

Elizabeth relaxed and grinned at him. “You have been plotting,” she said delightedly. “Just because I said you couldn’t fool me for a year – you have taken it as a challenge.” James denied that any such thing was true but he could not hide his pleasure in surprising her.

 

Althea was thrilled at the very notion and accepted the cork jacket without fuss. Freddie fussed a little and kept tugging at the fastening but it was secure and when his fussing had no effect he gave up and reached for James’ hat instead where he was similarly denied.

Settling both children in the cutter proved to be a challenge. Freddie was not inclined to sit still and Althea was too excited to be much better. In the end, Elizabeth had to pull Freddie into her lap and reached for Althea’s hand encouraging her to settle beside her which calmed things enough for James to cast off.

“Are you going to teach Freddie to sail?” Althea asked. “For when he is older and joins the navy.”

“I will when he is older,” James said. “But not quite yet – he is a little young for lessons now Althea.”

In fact, Freddie was so excited by the trip that it was all Elizabeth could do to stop Freddie from pitching himself over the side. Perhaps Freddie was too young for this just yet and James mentally revised just how long they would spend at sea. He had meant to sail for a bit but he did have a destination in mind that they could head directly towards.

He tied the ropes so they were set on their course and carefully lifted Althea from where she sat beside Elizabeth – easily done for him even in her bulky cork protector. She settled beside him happily, watching him wide eyed. “But you are not too young for lessons,” he said. “Would you like to learn?”

Althea watched him for a long moment. “Truly Papa?” she asked lit up with hope.

“Of course,” he said. “We are a family of sailors are we not?” He caught Elizabeth’s eye and winked but Elizabeth only held tightly to Freddie and gave him a smile that he could not read at all.

 

Althea’s lesson took most of the trip to the nearby cove – she was not strong enough to control the sails herself but they held on together and she was thrilled by the entire process, parroting his instructions and asking questions to confirm her understanding of the process.

When James had pulled the boat up on the beach he set first Althea then Freddie down on the sand before offering Elizabeth a hand. Elizabeth took it and stepped out and embraced him. “Thank you,” she said and then she made it clear it was not just for the day out by adding. “Though you could have been a little more giving with sailing lessons when _I_ was asking.”

Her father would never have allowed it and of course, it was not truly a scold so he cannot help but tease. “If you really insist you can have a lesson on the way home.” He was rewarded with another laugh and a kiss.

“I shall be teaching that lesson,” Elizabeth informed him. “And you can hold Freddie and try and convince him he is not a fish!”  Then he was abandoned as she joined Althea in chasing Freddie who had ran up the beach only to have a handful of sand thrown at her as Freddie headed back to the surf squealing excitedly.

 

Freddie howled outraged when Elizabeth scooped him up before he hit the shore but calmed when Elizabeth set him down at the water’s edge so he could paddle and splash and stomp in the water. Then he won his freedom long enough to throw himself bodily into the water and came up spluttering and began to cry in earnest.

“Oh dear,” Elizabeth said scooping him up and bouncing him as he wailed. “Poor Freddie. That wasn’t nice was it,” she wiped his little face and kissed his hair before she got him out of his cork jacket and wet dress – leaving just his similarly drenched undershirt and a rather ruined napkin which was also removed. “Did you want to go swimming Freddie? I think we can try that again?” Freddie did not look convinced and Elizabeth turned to his sister “What about you Althea? Do you want to learn to swim?” Althea agreed eagerly and Elizabeth set Freddie down while she helped Althea out of her dress as well before turning to her own clothing and giving James a pointed look – when everyone was down to shirt sleeves and shifts. James scooped Freddie up and Elizabeth took Althea by the hand splashing into the surf. Freddie was slightly more cautious after his mishap and James waded in until he was waist high in the water and crouched down so Freddie could dip his toes. Then having established that the water was behaving he let James lower him further until the water covered his little chest and lifted him so he could ride each wave cheerfully.

 

Althea was being supported by Elizabeth so she could practice her strokes and James watched while he bounced Freddie. But whenever Elizabeth let go, Althea went under and came up spluttering.

“Now then,” he said. “Clearly you have the strokes right but I think we might need to work on floating first.” Elizabeth flushed a little and took Freddie from him as he took over showing Althea how to float – first on her back. Then when she had the hang of that – on her front.

Elizabeth took to floating on her back and let Freddie sit on her stomach laughing and directing where she kicked. She had to sit up rapidly whenever Freddie shifted his balance or looked like he might throw himself in the water. “Would you like to float Freddie?” she said standing and holding him – she held him on his back for a bit letting him kick. Not truly floating of course but Freddie didn’t know that and he crowed gleefully at being included in the lessons.

Once Althea had managed a few bouts of swimming on her own – she had not mastered the strokes but she could keep herself afloat and that was the important bit, they went back to the beach to picnic. Freddie protested loudly. “No. Me float!” he told Elizabeth repeatedly until he was distracted by the offer of a biscuit. He had barely finished his lunch when he crawled into Elizabeth’s lap and fell asleep.

 

* * *

They spent the rest of the day on the beach and when they sailed home it was with two exhausted children sleeping on James. Freddie in his arms and Althea against his side while Elizabeth steered the small cutter with ease considering how long it had been for her.

“Next time you can take her lesson on the way there,” James promised, slipping an arm around the sleeping Althea.

“Perhaps,” Elizabeth said. “She may want you to do it. It meant a lot to her.” James knew it was not just Althea it had meant a lot too but he did not know how to reassure Elizabeth he would give their daughter everything he could even if society would not. “Perhaps I’ll teach her fencing,” Elizabeth added. “Or marksmanship.” James laughed. “As long as it goes better than the swimming lessons,” Elizabeth added.

James eyed her. “It’s almost as if I’ve had to teach dozens of midshipmen over the years,” he said. “Whereas you I believe you taught yourself to swim in an ornamental pond was it?” Her father had been fond of that tale – well until he had been encouraging James to court Elizabeth – lots of the more interesting tales had been less repeated then.

“No,” Elizabeth said pretending outrage and then laughing unable to keep it up. “It was a fountain if you must know. At my grandfather’s house. He nearly had an apoplexy when they dragged me out. Then my mother scolded him for shouting at me. Which I took as license to try again the next day.”

James could not help but laugh at the thought. “Perhaps we could have a pond put in?” he said. “Not a fountain I know but-"

“We’d never be able to let Freddie lose in the gardens without his cork jacket then,” Elizabeth said firmly interrupting that offer. “The gardens are fine – we can come again, can’t we? Let them learn in the sea.”

“Of course,” James said. “And this cutter is mine not hired – I have meant to say to you for some time that you could take it sailing – whenever you want. When Miss Murray is back.” Or they could go together without the children – if she wanted. Althea was so often in lessons and he thought Freddie would take weeks to calm from the excitement of today. But suddenly that seemed selfish after Elizabeth had been on land for so long – to imply that she could not enjoy the sea without him.

He saw at once that Elizabeth liked that notion. “I would like that,” she said. “I might even bring you,” she added a gleam in her eye. “I still get to be Captain, of course.”

“Shanghaied into service by the Pirate King,” James said, his tone a whisper as if he was shocked by the notion. “I think I could allow that - as long as no-one tells the admiralty.”

Elizabeth laughed – they were nearly home now. “I think it can be our secret,” she assured him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historical notes  
> I may be pushing it for cork jackets to be in use - they were around in the 18th century but not quite this early *handwaves *


	27. Recreation II

The night they returned from sailing, the children had to be carried into the house – Althea in his arms and Freddie in Elizabeth’s. Elizabeth cajoled them awake for a small supper – an outrage Freddie protested indignantly until James felt entirely guilty. Althea managed a small portion but Freddie would not be convinced and clung to Elizabeth while she managed a few bites of supper herself.

James took charge of reading to Althea who was asleep after a page or two while Elizabeth paced with Freddie. When he eventually fell asleep in her arms – he woke the instant she tried to settle him in his cot and the process started over. But Elizabeth refused to be spelled when he offered and she walked and walked murmuring soothing nonsense all the while to Freddie as he rubbed at his eyes unhappily.

“Why don’t you bring him in with us,” James said. “That has helped before hasn’t it – when you’ve lain down with him?”

“No,” said Freddie determinedly and Elizabeth laughed.

“I think Papa’s suggestion has merit young man,” she said. And Freddie was handed over to James long enough for Elizabeth to undress – another action Freddie was very unhappy about calling repeatedly for Mama and staring balefully up at James. As if James did not feel badly enough about this state of affairs. Freddie clung to Elizabeth for dear life when she emerged in her night rail and buried his face in her chest.

 

“I’m so sorry,” James said as Elizabeth settled into bed and convinced Freddie to snuggle up. “Today must have been too much.”

“Don’t be silly,” Elizabeth said. “Today was wonderful, he’s only overtired – there was no chance of getting him to have a proper nap on the beach. We won’t take a whole day next time, not until he’s older. We will go in the morning and come home for lunch or leave after his nap.” She kissed Freddie’s head and he yawned and clung to her. James could not help but smile at the sight.

When James came to bed, Freddie had calmed entirely and was close to sleep, blinking a little and staring up at James suspiciously. James paused and was about to ask if he should sleep in his own chamber but Elizabeth pre-empted him. “Come to bed,” she said. “Freddie wants both our attention don’t you Freddie?” She rubbed Freddie’s back and this seemed to cajole him into nodding.

James got in him giving Freddie plenty of room and dared to lean across and kiss first Elizabeth then Freddie’s soft hair. “Goodnight.” He said softly and blew out the lamp.

 

It was not the most peaceful night sleep that James had ever had. Freddie was incredibly restless and it seemed his favoured way to sleep was horizontally between Elizabeth and James. His head resting on Elizabeth’s stomach and kicking James in his side quite determinedly to make sure he had room. And no matter how many times James righted the sleeping tot, he would return determinedly to that position.

And of course, the instant there was a glimmer of daylight from the window, Freddie was wide awake and poking at Elizabeth. James intervened. “Let’s let Mama sleep,” he said hopefully. “Come here, Freddie.” To his surprise, Freddie came willingly and let James bounce him a little.

“Biscuit?” Freddie asked hopefully and given he was probably hungry – he had had no supper last night James decided they could go in pursuit of some sustenance.

 

Elizabeth and Althea, therefore, found him and Freddie in the dining room Freddie in his chair and James trying to persuade him to bread soaked in warm milk before sweet treats would be forthcoming. Thus, far Freddie had refrained from launching it at him, which James was prepared to count as a victory.

“There they are,” Elizabeth said. “Our runaway boys!”

“It’s very ill-mannered just to vanish when we are sleeping,” Althea told James haughtily. “Mama was worried.”

“I did not want to wake your Mama,” James said, after a quick glance at Elizabeth who did not seem overly concerned. “She was sound asleep when Freddie and I woke.”

“Freddie wakes too early,” Althea said loftily. “He will grow out of it.”

“He might not,” James said earnestly. “After all, if you are going to be a slug a bed like your mama, Freddie might take after me and want to enjoy the best part of the day. Mightn’t you Freddie?”

“Yes,” said Freddie to James’ astonishment and he reached for a biscuit that James handed over unable to hide his surprised pleasure.

 

Elizabeth kissed Freddie’s mussed hair, then James’ cheek. “I am sure Freddie will be a fine gentleman just like Papa,” she said.

Althea looked at Elizabeth at once but James rather thought it was his prompt. He got up from his chair and went to her and made a leg to her. “And you Miss. Althea will be a fine lady just like your mother.” Then he bent to kiss her hand and the whole performance made Althea puff up at once, full of pride which was well worth him feeling mildly ridiculous.

“Mama is going to teach me a new piano piece,” she ventured shyly.

“Indeed,” James said. “I do hope I am going to hear a recital soon?”

Althea stared wide eyed and then looked to Elizabeth. “I am sure you are quite ready,” Elizabeth said encouragingly. “Perhaps when Papa next has a free afternoon – after all he owes you a chess lesson as well.”

“I do indeed.” James agreed. Althea beamed at him and he kissed her hair and encouraged her back to her breakfast.

 

The post arrived shortly after that and – a note for him summoning him to the fort and several pieces of correspondence for Elizabeth. James did not recognise any of the handwriting and Elizabeth set them to one side currently engaged in persuading Freddie to eat more of his bread and milk before further treats.

He bid them all farewell after no more than a bite of breakfast, kissing everyone goodbye and Elizabeth shoved a piece of toast into his hand. “You can eat that while you dress properly,” she said amused by his haphazard mishmash of yesterday’s salt and sand stained clothing which was all he had managed to put on while chasing Freddie that morning.

 

James did not think days had ever seemed so long at the Fort. And he was aware of course that Miss Murray was still absent leaving Elizabeth to manage the children alone – something she was more than capable of handling of course. Instead, he had to deal with Captain Groves who had volunteered for extra duty apparently to avoid discussions about his upcoming wedding.

“I thought all I would have to do is turn up,” he lamented to James. “Why must they ask my opinion on everything?”

James could not answer. He had one engagement that had not led to a wedding or any hint of planning and one wedding that had neither engagement or planning involved.

“Think of it as time you can spend with Miss Bellamy,” he advised instead. Theo looked unconvinced.

“I have her saying one thing and her aunt saying another and her uncle the Admiral looming in the background looking watchful whenever I do not agree with Lady Bellamy,” Theo said.

This at least was obvious to James. “Agree with your intended,” he said shortly. “You are not marrying Lady Bellamy now are you. The Admiral will use his influence on your behalf either way once he is your uncle.”

James wondered if perhaps he should not have endorsed that so thoroughly from the expression on Theo’s face. He looked entirely too pleased to have permission to ignore Lady Bellamy but James could think of no way of trying to coax him to subtlety that would not offend or indeed be useless given Theo could barely refrain from saying the first thing that came into his head on a good day.

 

When he got home he spotted Elizabeth in the garden with the children. A makeshift sail had been set out and Althea was dressed in boys clothing – including a neat hat and clutching the wooden waster he had had made for Elizabeth. Elizabeth sat with Freddie beside her on a picnic blanket – Freddie was dressed in a makeshift toga and Elizabeth with a cloak made out of – was that a curtain? She also had a makeshift crown of flowers set amongst her golden curls.  

When he went out Althea was holding forth and he recognised the lines at once as the _Odyssey._ He noticed various toys arrayed around Elizabeth that Freddie occasionally pushed away and shouted at enthusiastically.

“Oh dear,” James said. “Have I wandered into Ithaca? I only mean to visit the gardens.”

 

“Look,” Elizabeth said giving him a firm look. “It is Eumaeus, a faithful servant come to warn this traveller with news of Odysseus of the many suitors wooing his wife while imposing on his hospitality and eating all his cattle.” She held up a teddy bear which had a carved wooden farm animal clutched in its paws. Presumably with some help from ‘Penelope’.

“Indeed,” James said and he got to one knee before Althea. “Though I am only a poor swineherd I would be glad to offer hospitality and aid. Alas, you will find none in Telemachus’ hall as he is so beset with suitors who bid for his mother’s hand and father’s land.”

“What ill tidings,” Althea said eyes wide. “Come noble servant and I will tell my tale – I have glad tidings for I have heard of Odysseus’ return.”

 

They played the rest of the story out in the sunshine – Althea moving between impressively long memorised speeches and adlibbing whenever anyone else was granted a line (which it had to be said that was not very often.) Every now and again Elizabeth would take off the flower crown and pick up a toy shield that James had not seen before and that was a sign she was now Athena of the shining eyes. Freddie was slightly less than impressed to be forced to join in on James’ and Althea’s quest once ‘Athena’ had undone Odysseus’ disguise to reveal her as the lost King of Ithaca. This had involved Elizabeth knocking off Althea’s hat with the shield and saying something in truly awful Greek which had not impressed Althea one iota. “Mama that is the wrong tense,” she had said and Elizabeth had looked sheepish “Come Telemachus,” Althea said.

“Shan’t,” said Freddie sitting down on the grass. “My hat,” Althea picked up the hat and coaxed Freddie along by holding it out of reach until his temper frayed and she was forced to hand it over.

“I think that might be time for an intermission,” Elizabeth said to Althea. Freddie had run off the instant he had gained the hat and James followed while Althea pouted at her mother. “Your brother is over young to do 10 years of history in one day! But we made a very promising start.”

“Alright mama,” Althea said a little reluctantly just as James returned with Freddie in his arms – he was kicking vigorously while holding the hat securely on his head. He handed him over to Elizabeth and helped Althea gather up the toys who had been used as the suitors and shepherd both children to the nursery to be handed over to the nurse for baths before dinner.

 

“I see that you aren’t letting the classics side while Miss Murray is absent.” James said amused as Elizabeth hung up her ‘cloak’.

“As if I would be allowed,” Elizabeth said. “Althea is quite single-minded. I had to talk her down to the Odyssey – she wanted to stage the siege of Troy.”

James said nothing of course but his lips could not help but twitch into nearly a smile and of course he could not hide his thoughts from her – he never had been able to. “You are not to start,” she said. “Whatever story you are thinking of about myself at that age where I was no doubt worse is not to be mentioned to Althea.”

“I would never,” James protested though of course, he could think of several. “She has not gotten over being told you were naughty as a child. If I told her you made the cook’s boy take you sailing on a pond and staged a mutiny I don’t think she could cope.”

“It was thoroughly deserved,” Elizabeth said. “He was thoroughly unpleasant and a poor sailor to boot. Besides if I had not pushed him overboard he might never have learned to swim. It was a life lesson.”

“Quite,” James said – her father had never mentioned that part of the story. But it was very easy to picture indeed.

 

It seemed though that a day in the gardens was nearly as tiring as a day at the beach without overexciting Freddie and both children went to sleep easily that night– though Althea had insisted her bedtime story be another chapter of Homer.

“I think we should have an early night as well,” Elizabeth said once they left the nursery.

James glanced at her, while he felt immediately hopeful he did not want to press her. “Of course,” he said. “If you are tired of course we can retire . . .”

“No,” Elizabeth interrupted and now James was sure he did not misunderstand her at all from the look in her dark eyes and she pulled him close and kissed him, her soft lips brushing his ever so softly. “I’m not tired at all.”

James wrapped his arms around her. “Well,” he said. “Let’s see what we can do about that.” And was rewarded with a delighted laugh.

 

They separated to prepare for bed as usual and James worried – just a little – it had been some time, she’d been so ill and he was not unaware of her concern. If she had made had calculations he had not been informed of this and when he went through to her room he wondered if he should offer her relief instead.

Elizabeth sat upon the bed entirely naked, her golden hair loose around her, the covers were drawn back invitingly “I knew you would be fretting,” she said. “I can practically hear it.  Even a room away. Come here.” And he went at once to her side and let her draw him into her arms to settle beside her – the feel of her in his arms and the softness of her skin only made him ache with want. “Would it make you feel better?” Elizabeth asked. “If I told you exactly what I want? How much I want you?”

James found himself denying this at once. “You do not have to,” he said. Even though the thought was incredibly enticing.

“Of course, I don’t have to,” Elizabeth teased as one of her hands slipped under his night shirt. “But I think you are actually rather keen on the notion.” She took him in hand and he groaned a little as her touch only made him want her more. “I think I would like you to kiss me,” she said. Which James did at once catching up her mouth with his until she nipped his bottom lip gently. “Not that kind of kiss,” she said and James understood at once a thrill running through him.

“I see,” he said nuzzling her neck briefly and shifting them a little so she could settle on the pillows. He let his mouth wander over her skin one hand drifting to her hip as he bent his mouth to each breast, in turn, teasing her with his tongue and glancing up to see her watching him, biting her lip as her breathing quickened.

“Please,” she murmured and the single plea was enough to wipe out any desire he had to drag this out, to tease her. He kissed down her body as she watched him and he admired her, she looked golden in the light of the lamp and her gaze catching his every time he glanced up. Her breath hitched when his mouth found her centre wet and ready and one of her hands tangled in his hair as if to hold him in place. Her grip tightened so hard that it _hurt_ but James barely noticed he was so caught up in the taste and feel of her and the sound her breathing his name in a pant. When she arched under him with a cry, James expected her to push him away immediately after her pleasure – she always had in the past but instead, she pulled him up for a kiss and told him. “I need you, James,” then she shivered when he slid inside her. James started slowly when he did move – cautious and concerned for her despite the sensation distracting him entirely. His self-control was undone entirely when Elizabeth wrapped her legs around him and set her own pace with the rock of her hips. “More,” she gasped and he caught her up in a kiss as he moved in time with her, feeling on the edge of pleasure and so desperately close that when Elizabeth tightened around him, he was overcome and overwhelmed and instantly horrified. She had not said what she had worked out - when he would be required to withdraw - and she drew him close for a kiss as he gasped his apology while waiting for his breath to calm. He felt he was panting like a winded horse and had not the words to explain.

“Why are you sorry?” Elizabeth said confused.

“You asked me to be careful,” James said after a long moment feeling ridiculous.

“Oh,” Elizabeth said. “Only _sometimes_ James. We are fine tonight. I will give you notice when you need to redirect your aim. I promise.” James exhaled slowly relieved he had not failed at the first hurdle. Elizabeth reached for his hand and brought it to her lips and kissed it. “That was perfect. James. I’ve missed this.”

James opened his mouth to say something – could think of nothing for a long moment and then told. “You are perfect.” He rolled off her conscious of his weight but was glad when Elizabeth immediately snuggled into his side.

“I am far from it,” Elizabeth said – because of course, she would argue with him. But to his surprise, she went on to add. “But you are welcome to say so if you must. I love you, James.”

James kissed her again and repeated just because he could. “You are perfect, Elizabeth. And I love you more every day.”

Her only response was to blow out the lamp and then draw him into another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading - any comments and feedback are very much appreciated!


End file.
